Ended on a High Note

Yesterday started off a little shaky. When I woke up I no longer felt sick to my stomach. I felt a little weak and my lower back and hips were really bothering me. I was actually limping a little bit. It wasn't so much pain as it was a lot of stiffness. But I didn't want to cancel our plans. My stomach was a bit better so I figured why cancel anything? I can limp for a while.

Master and I were just about to head out to go to my mother's when, for some reason, Master decided to check His e-mail one last time. It's a damn good thing He did. His mother had sent Him an e-mail stating that she wanted to reschedule our coming over for dinner because I hadn't been feeling well. Never mind He had already told her that I was feeling better. Master thinks that it had more to do with her simply changing her mind more than anything else. After all, that's classic her. Never mind what everyone else is doing. Either you drop everything you are doing and do what she wants or she'll cancel at the last minute and then wonder why you get mad when she doesn't have a good reason.

That ticked Him off. I was ticked off too. What would have happened if Master hadn't checked His e-mail? We would have hauled our asses out to her place just for her to send us home and give us attitude about it. Anyway, the visit at my mom's went well. We were there for about 2 1/2 hours.

Master worked on my back and while it helped some the stiffness was still very noticeable. I wasn't really limping anymore but it was still really bothering me. I took my shower and Master had told me to dress up for Him. So after my shower I put on some lingerie and He seemed very pleased.

We had just gotten back a movie we had loaned out. We hadn't watched it in quite a while so we decided to pop it in. We are still kind of excited about having a 42inch flat screen TV. Never mind we've had it for close to a year now. But with certain movies, like the one we were watching, it makes a huge difference.

So Master said, "Movie night?" I got all excited. Yes please!" It was a bit later so it was completely dark out. Movie night basically means we get comfortable and watch a movie with all the lights out so it kind of feels like you're at a movie theater. And with a larger TV it just heightens the experience. I love it when we do movie night.

After the movie was done I asked Master if He wanted to go fool around. We hadn't had sex in about a week. I was very horny but I was also very docile. I wanted to be used. It would fulfill both of my immediate needs, if Master would allow it. He told me that He would meet me in the bedroom. So I laid on my stomach and waited for Him to come to bed. He asked me what my mood was and I told Him. He was more than happy to use me as His fuck doll.

He knew that I was still really stiff and couldn't be turned into a pretzel. He kept me on my stomach and entered me. Eventually He turned us both on our sides and held me close to Him. I was moaning a lot. Like I said it had been a little over a week since we last had sex so I was worked up rather easily. After a while He put me back on my stomach and pinned me down. He had one hand in the middle of my lower back and His other hand right on my tail bone. Now, you would think that with how stiff I was all day that this would be painful, especially when He was doing that to balance Himself so there was quite a bit of pressure applied. But it wasn't at all. In fact I hadn't noticed the stiffness in my lower back at all the entire time He was fucking me. It just all felt so damn good.

After He filled me and we decided to head back into the living room I realized that my lower back and hips weren't stiff at all anymore. Sometimes that amount of pressure is all that is needed. And I sure in the hell can't complain of the reason why the pressure was applied. I love it when He pins me down.

We stayed up a while longer before we both went to bed and curled up. He got up before I did this morning so around 11:30am Master slipped under the covers with me and pulled me close and nuzzled me awake. I think my body was still trying to balance itself out otherwise I don't think I would have slept that late. When I woke up I nuzzled His arm and smiled. I then gently pushed back so my ass was right up against His cock and then rotated my hips a little bit. He kissed my neck and quickly entered me. He used me again and I loved it.

So yesterday ended on a very high note and today started off wonderfully. And it has been a really great day. We've watched some Netflix. We took the dog for a walk and got an errand done along the way. It's just been very relaxing and I've greatly enjoyed it. I hope the rest of the night goes by extremely slowly and maybe, just maybe, if I'm lucky Master will allow me to stay up late.

Damn Stomach

Yesterday I woke up feeling fine. I was so happy that it was my half day Friday. When I got home Master and I relaxed for a little bit before I called my dad to see when we could come over. We had made plans to visit him but just hadn't totally locked down a specific time because my dad wasn't entirely sure what time he would be home. We left here around 1:30pm or so and made pretty good time getting down there.

We had a good time and I think we left there around 5:30pm or so. Master and I had already decided that I would drop Him off at home so He could take care of the dog and I would go get Taco Bell for dinner. Well, that was the original plan.

About 10 minutes away from home I started to not feel well. And it went from not feeling well to feeling like I was going to be sick. So I told Master I would come in with Him just to make sure I wouldn't get sick while I was driving.

Yeah.. I ended up getting sick several times. Obviously there was no Taco Bell in our future. I felt very light headed and still sick to my stomach and I didn't want to eat anything at all. But Master made me eat some bread to try and help soak up some of the stomach acid and because He didn't want my blood sugar dropping too much. I asked if I could go lay down. When I get sick like that my body wants to shut itself off until I basically am over it.

I got sick one more time before going to lay in bed. But I felt like I couldn't get warm let alone comfortable. My entire body ached from getting sick. I tossed and turned in bed for about an hour because I said fuck it, I can't fall asleep anyway. So I went into the bathroom and ran a really hot bath and climbed in.

When I got out I laid down on the couch and Master made me eat some more bread and then ran down to the gas station to get me some Sprite. I fell asleep on the couch waking up for short periods of time. I woke up all the way just in time for Master to tell me that He was going to bed. I stayed up for about a half hour and then joined Him.

I was really upset about not feeling well last night. I had hoped that we would come home from my dad's, watch movies, goof around, and then fuck. But no... my body decided to fuck all that up. And I still don't understand what the hell all of that was about anyway.

This morning my lower back and hips are still bothering me and so is my head. I think that's mainly from sleeping so much and getting stiff/a headache from it. My stomach feels better. I'm not going to push it though.

And today we are visiting my mom before going over to His mother's house for dinner. Master already sent her a message stating that I'll need something bland to eat. I'll just have to wait and see where my stomach is. Hopefully I'll feel 100% better by mid afternoon and that I'm absolutely fine tomorrow. Master and I have the day to oursevles tomorrow.

On The Fence

I don't know why this thought ran through my head but it did. So I am posting about it.
I've never really been one about labels. Mainly because I feel like I straddle a few. I don't fit into just one. At least not in my mind. Partially because I don't want to just be stuck as one thing. I know that probably doesn't make a lot of sense. There are a lot of labels I could put under. Some of them highly obvious.

Submissive. And even then it is only with Master. I do not have a generally submissive personality. In fact I can be a pretty big bitch and a sarcastic one at that.

Another one is a rocker chick. That one I fit almost perfectly into. I love my rock/hard rock/heavy metal music. There is something about it. And I can always, always, find a song that fits my mood if I happen to have one.

Obviously I'm a tattoo chick. And not a "I want a cute little unicorn." *shudders* I do have four butterflies but they surround a tribal piece on my left calf. I like other forms of body modification, such as piercings.

Currently I have both nipples pierced and a vertical clit hood piercing. I used to have more. I used to have my eyebrow and my tongue pierced. I ended up having to take the eyebrow piercing because the jobs I was looking at didn't allow facial piercings. My tongue ring I just took out because it was beginning to annoy me more than anything. I will admit that I miss my eyebrow piercing. But again, I can't have facial piercings. I had told Master at one point that I wanted a septum piercing. I think it would look awesome with the right jewelry. Master considered it for a little while but turned it down. I thought I could get away with it even at work since I could just flip up the jewelry.

Another label that some people may put me under is gothic. I'm not. Not even close. I may like some of the things that are typically associated with it. I love black clothing. I've actually wanted to die my hair black with thin steaks of dark red. Master shot that down as well. He said that He doesn't think I would look good with black hair.

I don't really get mad when He shuts that kind of thing down. I'm disappointed but I already know that once He has put His foot down there is no wiggle room. I can't try to make a case. I sometimes can if He hasn't made a final decision yet.

I think the other reason why people tend to associate me with the gothic label is because I am a morbid person. I love almost anything with a skull on it. Hell Master and I have a small statue next to our wedding picture of two skeletons sitting next to one another on a bench. One is wearing a tux and the other is wearing a wedding dress. And it says "Love Never Dies". My dad gave that to us not that long ago and I love it.

Master sometimes picks on me because I have no skull or death themed tattoos. Trust me, I've thought about it. But the only ones I think would make a great tattoo are too masculine to look right on me. So I've never gotten one placed on my skin. I would love to. But all the more "feminine" ones I've seen I don't like. At all. If I found the absolutely perfect one... then maybe. However, I do not see that happening. Plus that would put me over my 13 tattoo limit. I really want that one I had posted about before in regards to making fun of myself about being bipolar. But then again Master still thinks I'll go over 13. I'll find something else and some how some way figure out where to put it. *laughs* He is normally right.. but on this one? I'm not 100% on that. I want to stop at 13 so I can stick with the number I've always had in my head. But on the other hand I don't want to at one point find something I really, really want and know the perfect spot for it and have to tell myself that I can't because I already reached 13.

So yeah, those are some of the categories I fit under. I know there are more but like I said I feel like I straddle all of them.

Progress

Today was just one of those days where I was busting my tail but felt like I didn't get a damn thing done. I still didn't let it stress me out though. I just took it as it came and took a deep breath if I had to. I'm not trying to sound all melodramatic or anything like that. It's just that I think it is in my best interest to remain as stress free as possible until the upped dosage of my medication has time to build up in my system.

So I am. Both Master and my mother have noticed quite a difference from it as well. I haven't seen my mom but I've talked to her over the phone and she says I sound a lot better. And Master seems more relaxed around me. Not that He was stand offish, He was just protective I guess is the way to put it. It was like He was on alert all the time. That is dialed down a few notches already so I must be doing really well.

I do feel like the whole taking a breather and not stressing myself out too badly is helping a lot. I feel better and I'm not anxious or upset when I walk out to the car after work. My day may have sucked, like today did, but I just let it roll off my back. 

Once I got home we watched Iron Man 3. Holy fucking hell did that movie suck. A lot. There were a few moments that were funny and/or interesting but they were few and far between. So yeah. We won't be watching that again.

Other than the whole bipolar thing and watching a stupid as hell movie I don't really have a lot to say tonight. I'm feeling a little tired. Well, not tired really. Just sore and as a result moving a little slower and feeling a little run down.

Humming

No more images today, thankfully. I remember still being a little tense last night when I went to bed. Not because it had happened again but just because that is very jarring. And so I was a little on edge. I was sleeping on and off and tossing and turning. Only going to sleep just long enough for me to open my eyes again and look at the clock and realize I had only been asleep for about 20 to 30 minutes. But then I felt Master get into bed. I remember that I wasn't really awake when this happened. I remember whimpering a little bit. Only because I wasn't all the way awake and suddenly I felt movement on the bed. Then I woke up enough to realize that Master was slipping into bed next to me, so I laid back down. Once I was laying on my side Master put His arm around me and gently pulled me to Him. I immediately relaxed and didn't wake up again until my alarm went off. All I needed was to be held. It's amazing how much that can help.

I left Master my usual morning note letting Him know how I'm doing. I told Him that I hadn't had any further images and that I would send Him another message on my lunch break.

The work day was stressful but when I started to feel a little overwhelmed I just did some deep breathing and eventually just started softly humming to myself in order to keep myself distracted and calm. That actually helped a lot more than I thought it would.

On my lunch break I sent Master another message, like I said I would, and told Him that everything was still "normal". No more images.

The rest of the work day was more of the same and I was still fine. No images. No thoughts. The rest of the night has been equally relaxed as far as that goes. Of course I feel better because I'm at home. But I'm glad that no more images happened today. I know part of it is because I allow myself to feel overwhelmed. I have a feeling that has at least a little to do with it. But nothing today. I may keep trying that soft humming thing. As long as it doesn't bother anyone and it helps, why not?

Here We Go Again

Remember a little while ago when I made a post about me seeing images that weren't so pleasant? I had those again today. They aren't as... bad? Well, I'll put it this way... They weren't borderline suicidal thoughts they were "only" thoughts of me hurting myself. Again it was really images rather than just thoughts.

I just saw my shrink two Fridays ago and everything was fine after he upped my medication dosage. No more images after that. Then it happens again today. Not as "bad" like I said but still disturbing. I wanted to cry because I don't understand why they came back. So I called Master and told Him. I couldn't really go into detail because I was on my work phone. He understood what I was saying though and I told Him that I already called my doctor but he wasn't available for my call. They told me he would call me back.

So I went on lunch and talked to my mom for a while. She told me it would be okay, just like Master did. Master and my mom, when it comes to me and my health, make one hell of a tag team, let me tell ya. It's really nice to know that I have that kind of support system. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't take something like this to show me that I have this support system. I have always known that. My mom did suggest to me that I leave work a little early and go home, where I feel safe. Master agreed. So I decided I would leave work one hour early. I know it doesn't sound like a lot but it's all I could really afford to take.

Well, by the time I got back from lunch my doctor still hadn't called me back. I called his office again and again he was not available but he had been told about my phone call and would call me back when he could. Around 3pm he called me back. I told him what was going on and he said that he was glad they weren't as bad but he believes that it is because the upped dosage hasn't had time to fully build up in my system yet. This kind of medication has be built up in the system for a while in order to take effect. He said it could take up to a month to a month and a half. He did tell me that since the images aren't as "extreme" this time it was a good sign.

So for now all I am to do is to keep taking the upped dosage of my medication so that it has more time to build up in my system.

When I got home I told Master about it and then called my mother and told her. They were both in agreement that what my shrink had said made sense and was the best course of action. I feel better knowing that.

My mom did tell me that she thinks some of it is due to my extreme stress at work. Not to mention my worrying about what happens if I were to lose my job. She told me that if they really want me gone, they will look for any reason and no matter what I do it'll happen. So why should I stress about something I have no control over? They company is starting to fail and they know that. So they are trying to thin out the employees and since I've been with them for 4 1/2 years I am making more than most of the people in my department, even though I honestly do not make a lot.

She is basically trying to make me realize that I can't control it and so all I can do is what I can do. Other than that just keep applying to other jobs, which I have been.

I know part of it is my working myself up and my system is having problems coping with it. And as a result, maybe that's part of why the images come. Obviously my medication dosage is/was a part of it. But medication is not a cure all. And these are very, very new experiences so the tie in cannot be ignored.

I have felt better since I got home and had longer talks with both my Master and my mother. I don't know what I would do without them.

Not Much

Yesterday Master and I were trying to think of something to do. There wasn't much to do, like usual. Basically anytime we don't have family things go on there isn't much at all going on. We have drifted away from our neighbors. Every day spend here is another day we spend not wanting to be here. And so, as a result, we've pulled away from everyone around here pretty much. We're still nice. Like we say hi and all that but aside from those small polite things, we don't really have contact.

Plus, this summer has been way to fucking hot out to really be sitting outside for long. And now that today is the first day of Fall I'm hoping it will be nice enough to sit out. I would love to sit outside comfortable and cuddled up a little bit and enjoying the Fall weather.

But yesterday it was dreary out. So even sitting outside didn't really seem like a good idea. So, like I said, Master and I were trying to think of something to do. Out of no where a thought popped out of my head. And it may sound stupid... but I suggested that we go down to the store and look through their $5 dvd bins.

Like I said it sounds stupid but we love watching movies and haven't bought any new ones anymore. So we went. We ended up finding four movies. Well, technically only two discs but each of them have two movies on them.

We ended up buying one DVD set of the two new Clash of the Titan movies. Master is more into them than I am but they are still pretty good movies. The other one is kind of an odd mix but we really like both movies so we bought it. One of the movies on that disc is Virus and the other one is Shocker. We watched all of them except for Shocker yesterday. So we pretty much killed the afternoon by having a movie marathon. It was nice.

Sometimes just sitting at home and doing a movie marathon is a lot of fun and enjoyable in general. We discussed the movies and joked around on and off while watching them. It was relaxing.