Tomorrow

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. *shrugs* With my family, after my grandmother passed away, it became more of a everyone get together and visit type of thing. It wasn't really a celebration of anything. There are no formalities to it anymore. When my grandmother was alive she would get the whole group together, including relatives out of state. It was a big deal back then. But most of those people have passed on. My grandmother, two of my great aunts, one of my uncles, a few of my cousins and my Oma and Opa. Everyone else was from out of state and once my grandmother passed away no one came anymore. And now that my parents are divorced and my grandfather has pretty much given up entirely on holidays as he says he's getting too old there is no tradition anymore. So as I said, it's more of a visit type thing.

Master's family doesn't make a big deal out of it either. In fact aside from this year His mother has never invited us over for it. But this year is different. Her husband's son and his son's wife are coming down from Minnesota and so magically she invited us.

Master is not a fan of holidays. Never has been, never will be. But He puts up with it in regards to my family. Thankfully He likes His in-laws. But His mother? Yeah. Not so much. Not to mention neither of us can stand her husband's son and his son's wife.

So tomorrow we are going to visit my mother for a while and then go over to His mother's. My mom's should be easy. Just talk and hang out for a while. Who the hell knows how it'll go at His mother's. One thing I do know is that we're going to end up pissing her off at some point.

Why? Well, we have been getting along really, really well with His father's side of the family. And she has a lot of venom for Master's father. A lot. Master has been talking to His father and that side of the family for a few years now and it's only gotten better. But every time you bring that up to His mom she gets pissy really fast.

With how things are going now with His father's side of the family, we are getting to be a lot closer to them and it's wonderful. So, we plan on rubbing that in her face a bit. Okay, maybe more than a bit. But they are genuine in wanting to see us. When His mother invites us over it's so we can help her with something or her husband suggests it. *shrugs* Hopefully we won't be there too long and we can come home and relax.

It's kind of weird knowing that I don't have to go to work tomorrow though. 

Butt Slut

Yesterday I had been thinking about anal. We had literally just had anal sex last week. But now that I am enjoying it more and more it has been on my mind more frequently. So I was messaging with Master and I asked Him how often He "expects" anal sex. He seemed kind of confused by the question at first. He said that we use to do it about once a month back when we were doing it regularly, before everything pretty much stopped due to my mental blocks.

He asked me if I was in the mood for it and if that was why I was asking. My only response was, "Kind of." I am still trying to make sure that no "pressure" on the subject builds up in my mind even though I know Master is not pressuring me about it at all.

So He told me basically whenever my body is up for it and the mood strikes me, for now. He does want to get me to a place where He'll just be able to tell me it's going to happen and then it does. He doesn't want to do it too frequently though. As in not every day or anything along those lines.

So He told me to just let Him know.

When I got home from work apparently that conversation had continued to swim through His brain just as it had mine because He was grabbing my ass and slapping it every chance He could. That made me giggle and smile at Him.

Eventually we headed off to the bedroom after the animals were all taken care of. He ate me out for a little while and then fucked me until I came a few times. After about the second orgasm I asked Him if He wanted to try and fuck me in the ass. Well, that was a stupid question wasn't it? Yes, yes it was.

He asked me if the lube was still on the headboard. It was. So I simply went over to the dresser, grabbed my favorite vibrator and turned on the lamp. I got back onto all fours and as Master was putting lube on His cock and spreading some on me as well I took a few pump fulls of lube myself (it's a hand pump bottle) and slicked my hand with it.

As He started to slide His thick cock into my ass I reached back with my slicked up hand and rubbed the lube along the underside of His dick as well as on my taint. I did make a few "owie" type noises. It sounds more like a quick intake of breath. Master stopped moving. I didn't say a damn thing. I just kept spreading the lube around for a little while. Since I didn't say anything Master eventually started moving forward again. At that point I was starting to relax a little bit so I grabbed my vibrator and put it on my clit. I was bowed down with my ass in the air when I got off the first time. Master praised me as the orgasm rolled through my body.

I dropped the vibrator and just enjoyed. I still do have to focus in order to make sure I stay relaxed but I'm getting better at it! And the concentration isn't keeping me from enjoying anything. I got off several times.

At one point Master had me kneel up. He was kneeling behind me and He grabbed my neck and forced me to kneel in front of Him with His cock still buried in my ass and bounced me off of it like that. It was overwhelming and amazing and just wow! He told me as I got off that eventually He'll have me riding His cock like that. I'd sure in the hell like to work up to that! Not only am I sure that eventually that will feel really good, but that it'll also feel like some kind of accomplishment on my part. Also? I know Master is going to be very, very pleased with me. I'm a good girl addict, what can I say.

I did end up begging for His cum at length. As He slammed balls deep into me He said, "Well, you have been good.."

How hot is that?! Very!

Again He was extremely pleased and proud of me. After we were both cleaned up and were in the living room Master commented on how docile I get during and after anal sex. He's right. I go into an entirely different sub space afterward.

Later on right before I had to go to bed Master made use of my pussy. So I got two of my three holes coated in cum last night.

He was so happy with me and I was happy as a result and am so glad that I'm starting to enjoy anal sex so much! It took me a long time but I got past my mental blocks. I know that this doesn't guarantee that every time we try it will be successful. I know there will still be days where my body just isn't going to allow it to happen. And I understand this. So I'll just enjoy it when it is possible and not worry about it when it's not. I won't worry because I know that eventually my body will allow it and I'll be able to has His thick cock balls deep in my ass once again soon.

Crazy Slave Is Crazy

Today I hit a little low point. My self esteem suddenly took a strong nose dive. It was nothing anyone said or did. It just happened out of no where. This use to happen quite often but this is the first time it's happened in a very, very long time.

I was at work but Master and I were messaging back and forth when it happened. So I told Him about it and asked Him some questions. He walked me through it and I was okay after about 15 minutes or so. I know that doesn't sound like a long time or that it was a big deal but trust me, at the time it felt like a big deal.

You know what helped the most? Master telling me basically that it's up to Him whether or not I'm "good enough" or that I'm a good wife or a good slave. It's His measuring stick we're going by not mine. That knocked me out of it. That's what made me snap back.

See, I told you this dynamic helps with my bipolar disorder.

I don't know what caused it. I really don't. And I think that's the most frustrating part of it. I don't know why. But what is most important is that I'm snapping out of it almost as quickly as it hits me as long as I am able to talk to Master about it. I feel that it would have taken longer had I been made to wait until I got home to talk to Him about it. But it's also not something that I can really talk about over the phone at work either. So I'm glad that Master and I were messaging back and forth at the time.

So when I got home my mood was just fine. Master has been giving me a little more affection and what not. He always does when I have a sudden turn like that. He does it to help reassure me and to comfort me. But He also tightens the grip. It's the structure that I need along with the affection. It's a hell of a balancing act at time but Master knows how to handle it and how to handle me.

I'm so grateful that I have Him and that I am His and His alone. I was lucky enough to have found Him when I was so young, to have Him stand by my side before my diagnosis when my symptoms were at their worst and to still have Him now, almost 10 years later.

Mellow

My brother came up for the weekend. I left work a couple of hours early to go pick him up. When we got back home we pretty much just relaxed the entire night. Honestly we didn't do a lot at all.

We ran a couple of errands Friday night and then on Saturday we went out to lunch with my father-in-law and my brother-in-law. It was the first time that side of Master's family has met a member of my family and it went really well. My brother-in-law had brought his 1 year old son as well. I had to steal him for a little while to goof around with him a little bit. He is the most mellow and happy baby I have ever met in my life. We were at lunch for about two hours.

We all said goodbye and my brother had a good time and was happy that he could meet some of Master's family.

We played a card game and watched movies. My brother and I were ready to pass out rather early for some reason. Well, my brother hadn't been sleeping well and I've been stressed out and spread thin for a while now.

When my brother spends the night he sleeps on our couch. So Master came into the bedroom with me and just read until He was ready to fall asleep as well. Today I took him back home around 1pm. After I dropped him off my mother and I ran a few errands. When I finally got back home I felt spacey. I still do honestly. I'm not tired exactly but I am just mellow as hell and feel lazy.

Master used me and that just made me feel even more mellow and relaxed. Like I said I feel rather lazy and it's not even 6:30pm. I'm glad that I only have to get through 3 word days. On Thursday we'll be visiting my mom and then His mother. After that I get three days of nothing but spending time with Master. I'm looking forward to it.

Don't get me wrong I really enjoyed having my brother up for the weekend but I'm glad that I don't have to do anything at all past Thursday.

Cell Phone Theme - Nerd Alert

I try to have a "theme" for my cell phone. It's just a regular cell phone that is touch screen and has a keyboard. But I like to customize the wallpapers and the ringtones so they all match up to a theme. I've had Doctor Who on there for quite some time and while I'm still a big fan I wanted to change it. I had been trying to figure out to what though. I was talking to Master about it. He is constantly changing the desktop and screen saver on our computer. He told me that He just basically picks something that He is a big fan of and goes from there. So I'm sitting there and trying to figure it out since I want it all to match and when you add sounds to the mix it makes it a little more difficult.

Then it dawned on me! Hellraiser.

I'm a huge Hellraiser fan. I have been since I was a teenager. So I started searching online. I refuse to pay for ringtones and wallpapers when I get send them to my phone for free.

Lo and behold I stumbled upon the ringtones I wanted. There are plenty of lines from the movies. You know, Pinhead saying lines from the movies and all that. But I don't want lines from a movie. The down side is that with Hellraiser there aren't a lot of songs that immediately make you remember the movie.

But I found a way around that. I found the song that plays with the Cenobites begin to appear. The song that plays when the lights start to show behind the walls, that kind of thing. I then also found the toymaker song. Rock on. So I set the "cenobites" music as my text message alert and the toymaker song I set as my regular ringtone.

I then started hunting down cell phone wallpapers. The down side is that there aren't a lot of really good ones. I found one of the box that was pretty cool so I set that as my unlock screen. I found a few other pictures I liked that I sent to my phone but I want to find some better ones. I just tossed them on there because I wanted the entire theme changed right now. I get impatient about things like that. Now that that's out of the way I can take my time and find some better ones.

Tap That Ass

Last night while Master was eating me out He fingered my ass and I was able to relax immediately. There was no real discomfort. Master commented on that afterward because we are still in the anal training stage. I didn't feel pressured or anything along those lines. It was more of a "Ya know what? You're right."

I was thinking about last night while I was at work. I tend to do that sometimes. If we have really great sex the night before I tend to think about it the next day at work at some point. Well, as a result I was thinking about the sex last night and that comment/realization entered my head. So while I was messaging with Master in the afternoon I bought up the fact that I would like to try having anal sex again. I asked Him if He was game. (Stupid question.) And He said definitely. (Exactly what I was expecting His answer to be.)

On the way home I didn't get nervous about it. Sometimes after I mention it earlier in the day I'll start over thinking it. What if it hurts? What if I can't relax? Which of course leads to my body wanting to fight it even more even if my mind wants me to be stubborn and proceed. Not this time. So far so good.

When I got home from work we ate dinner and relaxed for a little while. When I went into the bathroom to brush my hair real quick Master followed me in there and not so subtly hinted at the fact that He wanted to go fool around soon. Not right that minute, but soon. As in within the hour. He doesn't tell me a time frame or anything. I just can normally tell based on the words He is using, the tone of His voice and the look in His eyes.

I responded by giggling and rubbing His cock through His jeans a little bit while smirking.

About a 30 to 40 minutes went by (how did I know?) and He was ordering me to the bedroom. I got in there first and laid down. When He came in He asked if I still wanted my ass played with. I sounded a little nervous when I said yes, I'm sure of it. Why did He ask? I mean He is the Master after all. Well, He had to turn the light on and make sure we knew where the lube is. He leaves the light on in the bedroom if we're having anal sex.

He ate me out for a little while but I didn't get off from it simply because I didn't want to have a really strong orgasm and then be ultra sensitive. I don't know why but when it's a clit stimulated orgasm it's a lot more likely to make me extremely sensitive really fast. That would be counter productive. I sucked His cock for a while and then He had me get on all fours and fucked my pussy until I came a few times. After that He pulled out and grabbed the lube.

I had placed a vibrator on the headboard. This way I could use it on my clit to try and get me to relax if I needed to. So He lubed us both up and started pushing His thick cock up my ass. I did have to ask Him to pull out one time to put more lube on. After that, once He was inside me again I asked Him to stop for a moment. I grabbed more lube and reached back putting more on the underside of His cock. He then started to slowly fuck my ass. I  grabbed my vibrator and used it on my clit until I came and I came hard. It was like a shot had gone off. That's how fast and intense it was. After that one orgasm I dropped the vibrator. I was more than relaxed. I was actually greatly enjoying the ass fucking.

Eventually He had me bow down so that my ass was in the air and my head was on the mattress. I had three anal stimulation only orgasms. I am very thankful that Master allows me to get off when I want to during anal sex. Normally I have to wait until He tells me I can or orders me to cum. During anal He just lets me cum when I want to/need to. Why? Well first off they are a really new experience to me. It only happened once before and this time three? Wow. Secondly I can't really control them. They are very sudden and when it hits it's out of no where.

Lately during anal within 10 minutes I'm begging Him to cum because I just can't take it anymore but not this time. He fucked my ass slowly and enjoyed the view. He talked dirty to me and I just simply melted into sub space.

He did slip out a couple of times. Apparently I moved when I didn't even realize I had and that on top of a lot of lube caused Him to slip out. Now, up until today if He slipped out that was pretty much it. My ass would iris shut and there was no way it was relaxing again. Today He was able to slide right in like a hot knife through butter. It was amazing. And each time it happened He praised me even more.

He had me lay on my stomach and pinned me down. After a little while I will fully admit that I started to feel overwhelmed and started begging for His cum. He said no and that now that He had what He wanted He was going to take full advantage of it. That turned me on more to be perfectly honest.

When it did feel like He was getting close to cumming I started to beg again. "Please Master I need Your cum in my ass." I know that it really turns Him on when I beg like that. We both enjoy dirty talk after all. He moved one leg up, pressed down on my shoulder with one hand and my hip with the other and pumped His cum into me.

He cleaned Himself up afterward and when He was done I was still laying on the bed. There was no "mess" aside from the lube and I was still on my stomach. He laid down next to me and called me His butt slut. *giggles*

He has told me repeatedly, after I got cleaned up, that He is very, very proud of me for not only taking it like a good girl and taking it for as long as I did but for also cumming from it. He is thrilled that I am getting off from it as He knows that will only make me want to do it more frequently and the added sensation it gives Him. Not to mention the satisfaction of forcing me to have an orgasm. *laughs*

So, my ass is a little tender but I love the lube we are using now. It lasts a long, long time and isn't sticky. It's more comfortable. That's really the best way I can describe it.

Now? Now I'm out of it and just very relaxed and pleased. He told me at one point that one of the reasons He loves anal so much is because to Him it is the ultimate form of ownership.

As He oh so delicately put it, "If I'm in your ass, I own your ass."

*smirks*

Shocker

Anyone remember how not all that long ago we had those neighbors that just would not stop complaining to our landlord due to a verbal altercation Master and their middle aged son got into? Yes? No? Maybe?

Well I did quite a few posts about it while it was happening in order to vent a bit. Long story short, they had a verbal argument that got a little heated. We thought that was the end of it and next thing we know they are sending two letters a week to the landlord complaining about us. At the end of it the landlord offered to hold a meeting with them so we could clear the air. Four days before the meeting was supposed to happen the neighbors called the landlord and cancelled the meeting. From that point forward we hadn't heard a peep out of the upstairs neighbors.

No big deal. We went about business as usual and just stayed out of their way. Well tonight Master came in from taking out the dog and the first words out of His mouth were, "Babe, are we living in a different reality?"

Um. What?

So He told me that He ran into the upstairs neighbor (the one He got into a verbal argument with) on the way back in. My first thought was oh shit! But apparently it went the completely opposite direction than either of us would have ever thought it would go. It was only a matter of time after all.

Anyway, Master was walking our dog back inside and as He was coming up the main sidewalk the upstairs neighbor stopped Him. He actually apologized to Master about everything and told Him that he hopes there were no hard feelings. Master said that He apologized also (meaning about the argument) and that He understands that it was a bad day for everyone involved. The guy offered a handshake and Master shook his hand. Then the guy looked at our dog, who he had originally complained about, and called him a good dog.

That was it. They both said to have a good night and parted ways. As Master is telling me all of this I'm sure I had a look of shock on my face. I just can't believe it. I also have no fucking clue what prompted it. After all, the complaints stopped after the meeting was cancelled and that was a few months ago. So we had figured that they would just ignore us like we were ignoring them and life would continue that way.

But now that the guy took the time to actually talk to Master and apologize unprompted, I told Master that we should start being a little nicer. I've seen this guy in the parking lot before as I'm getting out of my car or something like that and I've just not said anything or even really looked at him.

There is a bit of a language barrier and I'm not sure what their native language is but you can tell that they come from a very proud heritage just by the way that they carry themselves. So for someone like that to just apologize out of nowhere blew me away.

So I think the next time I see him I'll just nicely say hi and wave. And I don't mean sarcastically. I just want to be nice. I am a royal bitch sometimes and I pride myself on that but when I'm dealing with people I have to live around I try to be nice because I don't want to have problems and we all have to live here so why cause drama, ya know?

I'm both shocked and relieved that this happened. I honestly hadn't thought about it much since the meeting was cancelled but this brought it to the forefront of my mind and I'm just happy that it's over.