Collar -vs- Ring

There was a thread that I've been reading, well actually two of them, asking which is more important, your collar or your wedding ring. They also touched on if the dynamic or the fact that you were married is more important to you.

I responded, of course, as did Master.

Basically we both said the same thing. We do not separate the two. We were in this dynamic long before we got married. So I was already His slave when I became His wife.

A lot of people said their dynamic was more important because marriage is "vanilla". I don't know when that had to be vanilla, but okay.

To me there is no need to separate the two. You can have one without the other, obviously, but when you have both with the same person at the same time why does it have to be two different things? Why can't it all be rolled into one?

Master and I naturally interact with Him having final say unless it deals with His health. It's just how we are and really always have been.

I'm not saying that if we decided to drop the dynamic that we would get a divorce, but I would say that if we got divorced we wouldn't have the dynamic obviously because if we got a divorce the entire relationship would be over.

Plus, Master and I refer to our marriage license as ownership papers. I am legally His and yes He is legally mine. Plus, isn't it an ultimate form of ownership if you take on your Master's last name? At least that's how I see it if you're in that kind of dynamic where the Husband is the one who is the dominant one.

I do fully admit though that my wedding ring is more important to me than any possible symbol of His ownership such as a collar or a cuff or anklet. Why? Well, the collar or cuff, etc., only symbolizes one aspect of our relationship. My wedding ring, to me, symbolizes all of it.

At Least I Tried

Last night I dressed up for Master and we ended up finishing one of the recent porno movies we had bought a while back. After that Master and I went to the bedroom. He nipped my neck and got me even more geared up by sucking and licking my nipples. That drives me absolutely crazy (in a good way).

He then moved down my body and ate me out. He started off fingering my pussy but then slowly but surely started to finger my ass. The orgasm I had was insane. It was like my entire body burst into sensation all at once.

He knelt up and had me suck His cock. My oral fixation was in over drive and for the first time in quite some time my jaw wasn't bothering so I made the most of it. He didn't want to finish in my mouth though, He wanted to fuck me. But He allowed me to keep going after pulling my head back once. I whimpered and He chuckled and let me continue to orally worship His dick. It was delicious.

Finally He did end up pulling my head back and tossing me down. I was still very sore and swollen from our sexual escapades over the past week or so. It hurt so damn good.

He allowed me a few more orgasms before I asked if He wanted to try anal. I always put that word try in there because I have no fucking idea what my body is going to do. But I had that amazing orgasm while He was eating me out and fingering my ass that I really, really did want to have anal sex. I really did... no really. (Okay, I'll stop now.)

He turned on the light and grabbed the lube. He lubed Himself up first and then me. He very slowly pushed in and at first I thought it was going to be okay. Then all of a sudden a shot of pain. Mother. Fucker. He pulled back out. I honestly don't think He even got past the head of His cock. I think He thought that would be the end of it. But I still wanted to try. So I grabbed the lube bottle and put some on my hand. I was on all fours anyway so I just reached underneath me and put more lube there.

He tried again. It hurt again. But I didn't want to stop. However, it didn't take long before I knew I wasn't going to be able to handle it. Again I don't think He got past the head of His cock. Edit: Apparently I was mistaken. Master read this post and said that the second time He was actually balls deep. And He was still so understanding. I love that man of mine.

He stopped and said it was okay, that He would just go wash up and we'd finish with regular sex. I was upset. I knew He wasn't. I think He was pleased just by the fact that I had honestly wanted to try and hadn't given up immediately and the fact that I had brought it up at all.

After He had washed up He continued to fuck me but then grabbed my small little anal toy and inserted that. Obviously it's a lot smaller than Master's thick cock. It was uncomfortable at first but as He continued to pump in and out of me it didn't hurt anymore. But again, it was small. I know that if we had continued to try for Him to fuck me in the ass it would have hurt like hell and not in a good way.

After He came He rolled off me and slowly pulled the toy out. Almost immediately after I collapsed onto the bed and started crying. I was overwhelmed and a little upset with my body. I sub crashed basically. He covered me with His arm and gently petted the back of my neck. He knows when I need some after care. And just being held close by Him and Him petting me like that is enough for me. In fact it's perfect for me.

I apologized to Him about not being able to go through with the anal sex. I kind of felt like a tease ya know? But He didn't see it that way at all. It's a lot of progress for me to even bring it up. He was pleased. He wasn't mad or upset.

I stopped crying and cleaned myself up as well as the toy. After that I came out into the living room long enough to get a hug and kiss from Master before I went to bed and drifted off.

I told Him today though that I want to try again soon. I will do this damn it!

Local Festivities

Last night some of our friends were going to a local festival. They asked if we wanted to come with. We had nothing better to do so we tagged along. Well, actually we met them there. I wanted to look nice for Master so I put on a tight black tank top, a knee length skirt that had mesh on top of it, a cute hat and a pair of my heels. I also did my make-up. Master was very pleased.

I'm sure at least two of our female friends thought I was way "over" dressed for a festival. But it wasn't like we were going to be going on any rides. They just wanted to hang out in the beer tent and listen to the live bands. Oh well, Master thought I looked nice and that was all that mattered.

We sat there for a while and a really shitty 50's cover band was on stage. That wasn't the one that our friends wanted to see so we sat around in a circle basically and talked. We made fun of the drunk people and had a pretty good time.

Then the band they wanted to see got on stage. They were also a cover band. They didn't have a specific genre they stuck to either, so the playlist was all over the place.

But Master and I were offended when they did a few songs. Why? Well, Master and I are really into rock / hard rock / heavy metal type music. So when they did covers of Ratt, Warrent and Ozzy we were mortified. They murdered it. Completely.

Everyone else thought it was great. I turned to Master and said, "I swear we're the only metal heads in our city." He readily agreed.

It didn't help that the lead singer thought he was the shit. He was dancing around like he was a huge rock star and I commented that he must have practiced that shit in a mirror and thought it looked good.

It was about 10pm when we decided to leave. One of the guys in our group wanted to leave too but his wife didn't. He was frustrated and I understood why. He wasn't having a good time at all but his wife was. And if you're not having a good time, you want to leave. End of story.

In fact that is exactly why Master and I decided to leave. It was fun until about 9pm. The band was in their 2nd set by that point and most of the people in our little group were pretty trashed. As a result, we weren't having fun and didn't want to be downers. It was time to go. Since the guy lives in our apartment complex we just told him he could ride home with us. His wife seemed so happy because that meant she could stay and didn't have to hear her husband complain. She even said thank you.. *laughs*

As we were walking back to our car (it was pretty packed so we had to park a little down the way) all three of us were bitching about the band.

When we got home he asked if we were going to stay out but we had decided to just call it a night and chill inside our apartment.

I'm glad we left when we did.

We're Back....

Out of sheer boredom a couple of days ago Master signed up for FetLife again. He told me about it when I got home that night. So I signed up too.

We use to be signed up there but then it became too much of the "one true way!!!" type bullshit so we deleted our accounts.

But since we signed up again and started joining groups we haven't seen much of that. It's more of a "find your own way as it'll be what works for you" which we completely agree on. There are of course still your assholes, but hey.. it wouldn't be the internet without them now would it?

So far it's interesting. Then again it's "new"... kind of.

Now, of course, Master says I can't have an excuse for not having anything to write about. After all I have been reading threads and commenting on them. Master says I can use that and add other things to it at length or just bitch about something stupid I read on there.

*laughs*

He does have a good point though.

So far I've just been kind of feeling it out again. Trying to find groups that are interesting, setting up the profile and all that... you know. The normal shit.

Although right now my shoulder can't really take sitting here at the computer typing, so I will be doing a longer post tomorrow.

Just Kind Of Blah Tonight

I am just not hungry today. At work we had doughnuts, like we do every Friday. I wasn't hungry but I knew that I should eat something as I hadn't ate much last night. So I had two doughnuts that I nibbled on through out the work day.

Now that I'm home I am, again, not hungry. I can't get away with just not eating again tonight. This is because one, my damn blood sugar and two, because Master would simply not allow it. Partially because of my blood sugar in and partially because of just general health.

I've also been dealing with neck pain on and off. I've been taking Tylenol like it's candy. It's not just because of the neck pain. The neck pain has been shooting off into my shoulder all the way down to my elbow. It's like lightning when it happens and it hurts like hell.

I think it's mainly because of all the pressure changes that have been going on due to the weather. Don't get me wrong, I love the rain and the storms but since they have been so spotty and so quickly over with it's playing hell on my fibromyalgia.

It's finally started to go away. I haven't taken a Tylenol in a few hours and so far so good.

I'm just kind of blah tonight I guess.

Down To One

Now that I've been off the second medication for a while now I'm noticing some differences.

First, I'm noticing that I'm not so tired all the damn time. I feel more rested in the morning and don't feel so sluggish all day. My energy levels are back up, thankfully. I really hated feeling like that but didn't attribute it to the second medication, I thought it was just stress. Well, the stress levels are the same so it must have been the second medication after all.

Second, I would say if anything else I have a fuller range of how I'm feeling. I'm not cycling or anything but I feel more. I don't know if that makes sense. It's almost like rather than helping to balance me out the second medication just put a damper on everything.

Third, my sex drive is back in full force! I am more than elated about that. I've always had a high sex drive but after that second medication was in my system for an extended period of time my interest in sex took a nose dive. Again I chalked it up to stress but as time went on I really did start to think it was the second medication and apparently I was right.

Fourth, I'm actually in better moods. As I said before it was like the second medication was putting a damper on everything. I feel like I'm smiling more and laughing more.

There are other small changes as well... I just can't think of anymore right now.

I think Master is noticing all of this as well. I was worried at first that He would tell me I had to go back onto a second medication because I was acting all fucked up or something. I know that He has an outside point of view and can see things that I don't. As a result I was worried that my initial instinct was wrong and that I really couldn't stay on one medication. But He hasn't said anything like that. I know He is enjoying the fact that my sex drive is back but I also know that if it meant that I was unstable He wouldn't care about the sex drive. He wants me happy and healthy.

I'm just glad that I'm on the right track and that my Husband agrees.

Ass Man

Last night Master wanted me to dress up for Him once I was done taking my shower. So, I put on a mesh mini dress type lingerie that was ass-less. Master is an ass man and apparently He loves my ass (literally) so I wanted to show it off for Him.

When it was about time for me to go to bed Master ordered me to the bedroom. He had me suck His cock for a while before flipping me onto my stomach. As He was fucking me I stuck my legs straight out and crossed them at the ankles.

After He allowed me to cum several times He had me get on all fours and put my ass in the air. As He was fucking me He stuck His thumb up my ass and used that to control how quickly I was bouncing off His cock. He wasn't fully satisfied with that so He pulled out, turned on the lamp in the bedroom and grabbed one of my smaller anal plugs. He lubed it up and was kind enough to put some lube on me as well.

I was surprised at how easily the toy slid in. Yes, it is a smaller one but even still normally there is some discomfort. There was a very tiny bit of discomfort upon initial insertion but that was it. He praised me for how well I took it.

I have a very sensitive ass apparently and as a result I normally have a difficult time having anal sex or taking anal toys. So whenever I am able to do so and don't have to have it stop Master praises me extensively.

He left the toy in and continued to fuck me. It made me go into my sub space rather quickly. Well, almost immediately actually.

He eventually had me lay on my stomach.

That lube we are using now is amazing. I felt no discomfort and it actually felt good. I'm hoping that since we have this new lube (this is only our second time using it) that I will be able to enjoy all of this more. I know how much Master loves anal sex and I want to be able to enjoy it as well so it can occur more often.

We used to have anal sex a lot more frequently. I don't know what changed but suddenly my body couldn't handle it as often and it got to the point that I actually got nervous about it because I was afraid it would hurt in a bad way. Master has never pushed the issue even though He could easily do so as He is the one in charge. But He wants me to enjoy it as well and doesn't want to hurt me in such a way that it makes it so I'll never be able to enjoy it and only "put up" with the pain to please Him. I'm sure His sadistic nature would get off on it but that's not what He wants.

I do have to say that I am thankful that He wants me to enjoy it as well.

He has said though that from now on when I wear something assless my ass is "on the line" as this indicates to Him that I want my ass played with and last night I did. I didn't want to have anal sex, I just wanted my ass played with and basically test the waters.

Today I had no pain or discomfort so again I'm thinking that the lube is helping a lot. It doesn't feel sticky and it seems to last a hell of a lot longer.

As a result I'm hoping to get back to the point where we had anal sex rather frequently.