His Hair

We've been together for almost twelve years now. It'll be twelve years in March. It's weird to even realize that honestly. Some days it feels like a lot longer than that, in a good way, and other days it feels like there is no way we have been together that long, again in a good way.

But anyway, within that amount of time Master has done a lot with His hair. Well, His hair length anyway. When I first met Him He had hair so long that it was damn near down to His ass. He has beautiful hair. He really does. He has the kind of hair that women are jealous of. *laughs*  Honestly when we first met that was one of the things that attracted me to Him.

He kept His hair that long for about two years. He told me that it had taken a long time to grow it that long. But about two years into our relationship He shaved His head bald. Completely bald. He looked hot. He was bald when we got married, which was about two years after that. I don't quite remember when but eventually He decided to grow it out again. Not as long but He grew it out.

He had more of a traditional guy's hair cut for a while. I didn't really care for it. It's not that it made Him look bad, because it didn't, but it didn't fit. Ya know? It just didn't look like Him.

After that He went to a do it yourself buzz cut. All He did was buy a pair of clippers, slapped a guard on it, and voila! He had that for a very long time. And it looked awesome.

Sometime over the past couple of year or two He decided to try and grow it back out again. He said that He wanted it back to where it was as long as it was when we first met. Up until today He had it just past His shoulders.

For the past few weeks He has been contemplating cutting it again. Why? He said He was tired of it always getting in His face, waking up with His own hair in His mouth, and all the snarls. I was honestly a bit surprised since He had been so adamant about growing it back out. It's not like I was going to be upset either way, I was just surprised.

Today we are sitting there watching TV where out of nowhere Master looks at me and asks where His clippers are. Apparently He had made up His mind and it was going to happen right now. So I went and dug around until I found them. He took off His shirt, plugged it in, and just went to town with it. Eventually I asked if He wanted me to at least cut the hair down to a length where it would stop clogging the clippers. He allowed it. I was just extra careful to make sure I didn't cut it too short because then it wouldn't be even with the rest of His hair.

I didn't really have to worry about that part because He went really, really, super short. I love the look on Him. I helped Him with the clippers towards the end.

It's a little weird to me though. Not His hair. But the fact that I always love it once He's done it. I was excited when He told me He was going to grow out His hair again but when He told me He was shaving it all off today I was also excited.

I've never told Him not to do anything regarding His hair. Not only because of the dynamic but because I always think He looks good. This time is no different. Hell I couldn't help but run my hands over His head. He joked with me about how I always do that when His hair is short. And when He has long hair I can't stop messing with it.

When His hair is long I love brushing it, running my fingers through it, and braiding it. When He was bald I couldn't stop just rubbing my hands against His bald head. And when it is short I keep running my hands over it.

He also pointed out that when He is eating me out and His hair is short I run my hands over His head a lot more than I do when His hair is long. I told Him that's because I don't want to accidentally pull His hair and ruin anything. *laughs*

I guess this just comes down to my finding Him attractive no matter what hair style He has.

Husband & Wife

We went to my dad's yesterday just to hang out. I had found out that my dad now has a long distance girlfriend. Okay. Cool. But.... it's someone I know. She was a friend of the family and would come over for cook outs and just to sit around and chill with my mom and dad. (My parents were still married at the time. They didn't get a divorce until I was 17 years old.)

In fact, I went to this woman's wedding when she married another family friend. Her three kids would come over with her and her then husband all the time. I kind of grew up with this woman being around. I don't know why but that makes me feel a little awkward about it. Like.. Dude.. you and my mom were constantly drinking tea/coffee and chatting away. Not to mention the fact that she told my dad that she always had a thing for him. So, you had a crush on my dad and flirted with him while he was married to my mother and you were hanging out with my mom. Anyway, apparently she had moved out of state quite some time ago. Probably shortly before my parents got divorced. She divorced her first husband because he cheated on her. Then she divorced her second husband because he cheated on her.

I guess one of the things that my dad had told her is, "You don't have to worry about that with me."

When he told us that he had said that to her, Master and I just got really, really quiet. He cheated on my mom for close to a year before finally telling her about it and filing for divorce. He then stayed with that woman for 10 years and cheated on her for about three or four months before he broke up with her and she moved out. But.. I wasn't going to comment. If dad feels he is past such things, okay cool. But that is kind of a record there, ya know?

Now, that may sound like I'm being a hypocrite. I, after all, cheated on my ex with Master. I did it for a couple of weeks before breaking it off. Master was also in a relationship at the time and the time frame was pretty much right on the money since we had agreed we were going to pretty much do it around the same time.

So yes, I have cheated in a past relationship. However, doing it in one relationship... okay. You made a bad decision. You could have handled it better. But not only does my dad have a record of it, he allows quite a lengthy period of time to go by before finally breaking it off. Two weeks versus up to a year? Yeah.

I don't really judge my dad. He does what he wants and it's not my place to comment on it as it does not directly effect me. But it was just something I didn't want to comment on so I was quiet for a short period of time before basically smoothly directing the conversation into a different direction.

One thing my dad has said since he divorced my mother 13 years ago was that he would never, ever get married again. Okay. No problem. Whatever makes you happy. But he does sometimes make comments about how people who get married are making a horrible mistake. Never mind he was married to my mother for 25 years. When he does make those comments he always looks over and says, "But not you guys.. you guys are happy and I'm happy for you."

Maybe not those exact words all the time, but close to it. He was happy when I first told him that Master and I were getting married. All he told Master was, "No receipt. No return. No warranty." And then he turned to me and said, "Don't fuck it up."

I do have to say that sometimes I feel that a particular couple should not get married and that one or both of them should run for the fucking hills. But those are the exception to the rule I guess.

I love being married. It is honestly not any different in how our relationship was prior to marriage. It's just the added benefits. Such as the legal aspects. That takes a lot off my mind should anything, gods forbid, happen. Also, being able to call Him my Husband rather than my boyfriend makes me very happy. And being called His wife rather than His girlfriend also makes me very happy. It just.. carries more weight I guess. It doesn't mean that we weren't serious while "just dating". It just means that we decided to make it legal/official.

Decade

Today is our anniversary. We got married on our "regular" anniversary. We have officially been together for 10 years and married for 6 of them.

I had to work today which sucked. It also sucks that tonight I'm rather groggy and tired due to sinus medication.

But the important thing is that it is our anniversary. We aren't really doing anything tonight. But it's part of the reason why I took off of work next Friday, to try and make up for the fact that I had to work today.

It's hard to believe that an entire decade has passed since we first started this path of ours. In a way I sit there and think that there is no way an entire decade has passed. On the other hand it feels like we've known one another a lot longer than that.

We talked about our wedding day on and off through out the day. We both remember it vividly. I also vividly remember the first time I saw Him.

Time has not diminished either of those very important memories.

I have spent 10 years as His girl and about 9 1/2 years as His slave. (We started the dynamic rather quickly after we met but I'm not entirely sure when that was so I kind of round it up.)

I have spent 6 years as His wife. I have had His last name for 6 years. That very thought alone brings a smile to my face.

One thing I know for sure is that we have many, many more years together and I look forward to each and every one of them.

Goofing Around

It's always the small things that make me smile. I had a rather long day at work. I was dragging a bit when I first walked in the door. Master was standing in the living room and said hi. I walked over to Him to get a hug. I love that first hug, first kiss, when I get home.

He started off with the normal hug, my head resting on His chest. Before I knew what was going on He put me in a bear hug and lifted me off the floor. I quickly wrapped my arms around His neck and my legs around His waist. He smiled at me and gave me a kiss. He held me like that for a little bit. I absolutely loved it.

I honestly love our height difference. He's 6ft4 and I'm 5ft1. I love it because of things like that. He can swing me around like a rag doll. He can pick me up with little to no effort at all. It feeds my whole man handling fetish. I greatly enjoy the fact that He can move me around or pin me down and there is nothing I can do about it.

After a little while He set me back down and gave me another big hug before He started making dinner.

We relaxed after dinner and just watched Netflix. He was hyper and I commented on it. He had been making me laugh since I walked in the door. He told me that He had three cups of coffee in a short period of time. Hello sugar rush! He then said He was going to have another cup.

This is rather "un-slave like" moment. I hopped up off the couch and He was goofing around slowly creeping into the kitchen with a funny look on His face. I was "telling" Him no more coffee and He was saying that He couldn't help Himself. The coffee was calling Him!

I ran up behind Him and grabbed His arms and started to pull Him back. He played along because as I said above He can make me move so little ole me trying to hold Him back is hilarious. So He played along for a moment and then grabbed the coffee pot and a coffee cup and starting pouring it. I continued to tell Him to not have another cup and He continued to goof around with me.

I jokingly went to grab the coffee pot and He blocked me with His arm. I gave up after that and walked back to the couch laughing. I could hear Him still laughing in the kitchen.

It was great.

Just because we're in this dynamic doesn't mean we have to be serious all the time. I can joke around with Him in that way without Him getting pissed off because I'm not being submissive at that moment. I'm trying to stop Him from doing something He wants to do. But it's all light hearted and good fun. I'm grateful that we don't always take our dynamic so serious. It is important. It is serious but it doesn't mean we can't throw those roles out the window every now and then and just goof off.

Titles

You know... the whole one true way or one definite description of a "title" has provoked several different reactions from me over the years.

It used to make me think that maybe I'm not actually a slave because there is no way in hell I would do x, y, z or be perfectly fine with Master doing x, y, z. We all have our limits after all, whatever those may be.

That was a long, long time ago. Then it began to piss me off. I know that we're all essentially using the same titles. Master, slave, Sadist, masochist, Owner, property... You get the picture. And yes, when you look in a dictionary and you look at a certain word that pretty much lays out what that word means. That's it. End of story.

But to me everyone's relationship is different. Everyone expects different things or wants different things from their significant other. Bare with me here. A good translation for me is the titles of Husband and wife. They all mean the same thing, at first glance, but that doesn't mean that every marriage is the same or that every Husband does things this way and every wife does things that way. It's all unique and up to the two people involved.

So, why is it any different when you are talking about the titles of Master and slave?

Beating it to death by saying, "No! This is the one and only way!" is absolute bullshit. That would be like someone walking up to me and telling me I'm not a real wife because I'm not like their wife.

My Husband and I define what our "titles" mean. Okay, more so Master than me but you get the point. Do I make Him happy? Is He pleased with me? Does He still attach those titles to me? Yes to all of the above.

So these days, what is my reaction to the one true way conversations? I laugh. Yep. It's not worth the anger or my getting worked up. It's just funny at this point.

All In One

I saw another thread this morning that got me thinking. It was about how you are married but owned and operated by another. Now, before I go into my post please keep in mind that this only pertains to me and my thoughts. I am not judging anyone.

I'm not typically a submissive person. As a female, I do not feel the need or desire to submit just any old male, or female for that matter. If anything I only had an interest in kinky sex before I met Master, not so much the submission side of things. But when Master and I started delving into this He showed me that side of myself. However, that side of me only responds to Him. He is the only one who makes me feel that way. Period. End of story.

And maybe that's why I think the way I do on this topic. I couldn't imagine being married to Master and not have any kink part to it and yet have a Domination/submission relationship with someone else.

To me, the package deal is what I need. I need it all from one person. It's all or nothing with me. But again since Master is the only one who makes me feel that way and I love Him so very much and we're married... so yeah. I did get the package deal.

I can't imagine submitting to someone else. In fact I would probably just laugh if someone tried to make me. I've "submitted" to another person in so far as taking a few orders but that was because Master told me to. It was ultimately Him the one controlling me and the other person was just allowed, by Him, to give me some orders.

Other than that... no way, no how. In fact with most people I'm rather blunt and to the point. I do not have a submissive personality in general. Master is the one that brings that side of me out. It's Him. It's always been Him and always will be.

Collar -vs- Ring

There was a thread that I've been reading, well actually two of them, asking which is more important, your collar or your wedding ring. They also touched on if the dynamic or the fact that you were married is more important to you.

I responded, of course, as did Master.

Basically we both said the same thing. We do not separate the two. We were in this dynamic long before we got married. So I was already His slave when I became His wife.

A lot of people said their dynamic was more important because marriage is "vanilla". I don't know when that had to be vanilla, but okay.

To me there is no need to separate the two. You can have one without the other, obviously, but when you have both with the same person at the same time why does it have to be two different things? Why can't it all be rolled into one?

Master and I naturally interact with Him having final say unless it deals with His health. It's just how we are and really always have been.

I'm not saying that if we decided to drop the dynamic that we would get a divorce, but I would say that if we got divorced we wouldn't have the dynamic obviously because if we got a divorce the entire relationship would be over.

Plus, Master and I refer to our marriage license as ownership papers. I am legally His and yes He is legally mine. Plus, isn't it an ultimate form of ownership if you take on your Master's last name? At least that's how I see it if you're in that kind of dynamic where the Husband is the one who is the dominant one.

I do fully admit though that my wedding ring is more important to me than any possible symbol of His ownership such as a collar or a cuff or anklet. Why? Well, the collar or cuff, etc., only symbolizes one aspect of our relationship. My wedding ring, to me, symbolizes all of it.

ER Visit

For the past week Master has been complaining about tightness in His chest and ribs. He has also been complaining about partial loss of sensation in His fingertips and the balls of His feet. I was worried, but He insisted it would go away and there was nothing to worry about. So, I shut my mouth and waited. Yesterday He told me that it was getting worse, especially on His left side.

Anything related to the left side of the body worries the hell out of me so I insisted that we take Him to the ER. He agreed. So as soon as I got home from work we hopped in the car and off to the ER we went. It took forever like ER trips normally do. I hadn't had anything to eat all day. So while we were sitting in the waiting room for a good half hour Master told me to go home and grab something to eat. So I drove home, grabbed some cookies and a soda. I took care of the animals since we had no idea what time we'd be back home and it was already 8:30pm. Once all that was done I went back to the hospital. I know I should have grabbed something more than cookies but I didn't want to sit down and have a full meal while He was in the ER.

By the time I got back they finally had Him in a room. We watched TV until the doctor came in. She did a sensory test by putting one or two sticks basically against His fingers and asked Him how many were touching Him. Most of His fingers He got it right. However, the middle finger on both hands He got it wrong. So the doctor was kind of stumped. They drew blood, took a chest x-ray and ran an EKG.

Everything came back normal, which is a good thing but didn't answer any questions. Like I said the doctor was stumped. She gave Him pain killers and a muscle relaxer prescription and sent Him home. She did say that she would be sending us a referral letter for clinics around here that will take people who don't have health insurance and bill on a sliding scale based on income. She is sending us this letter in case the partial loss of sensation continues.

I have health insurance through my job, but I couldn't afford to put Him on it as it would be an extra $200 a month and we just don't have it. It makes me feel guilty, it really does, but if we were to do that we wouldn't be able to afford our monthly bills. We are already living paycheck to paycheck so we're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

We didn't have the money for the prescriptions until Friday; as I said we're living paycheck to paycheck and the next one doesn't hit until Friday. Well, I had called His mother last night while we were still in the ER because I had some questions for her regarding family medical history. I needed the information to give to the doctor. When we got out of the ER a little after midnight I called His mom again, as she had made me promise I would, and told her what had happened. I explained everything and told her we'd have to wait until Friday to fill the prescriptions. She told me to find out how much they would cost when I go to the pharmacy in the morning (today) and give her a call. I had taken today off of work because of how late we got home and since we hadn't eaten dinner we had to do that and then I couldn't fall asleep right away. I knew that if I went into work I would be falling asleep at my desk and the whole medication thing wouldn't be figured out until I got home.

So I did exactly that. I found out the amount and called her back. She's a good 40 minutes away. She said she would pay for the prescriptions. She told me to call the pharmacy and see if they would allow her to pay for them over the phone by using her credit card. They said they won't do that. She said she could stop by after she got out of work but then Master wouldn't have the medication until about 7pm tonight. After that she asked if I could drive down to her job, pick up the card, get the meds and then drive back down to give her the card back.

That is a lot of driving but I agreed, of course, so Master wouldn't have to wait any longer than usual. So I take the 40 minute drive to pick up the card. I drove all the way back home to get the medications. I had dropped off the prescriptions before I left so that they would be filled by the time I got back. Well apparently some dumb ass forgot to put them in the system. I had been gone for a little over an hour and now had to wait an extra half hour at the store, waiting on the damn things.

So I wait, and wait, and wait some more. Finally they call me up and I paid for them. I then drove down the block to give Master the medications. I took a quick 5 minute breather and grabbed a soda. After I that I took the 40 minute drive back to my mother-in-law's job and gave her the card back. I thanked her again and she told me that it was no problem at all and that we didn't have to pay her back. Rock on.

Another 40 minute drive home and I was exhausted. I had started all this at 10am and wasn't done until 2:30pm. I felt like a ping pong ball. Since that point I've been worn out and just relaxing as much as I can. Master says that the medication is helping, thank Gods.

I swear that my Husband is some kind of medical oddity. When an ER doctor is looking at Him going, "What. The. Fuck." when they are trying to figure out what's going on, you know that it's weird. Hopefully the medication does the trick and the sensation comes back fully once His chest and ribs fully relax. I don't even know if those two things being related is possibly, but hey... I can hope.

P.S. - Since I missed today from work I have to make up 8 hours between tomorrow and next week Friday so that my paycheck isn't short. I have a feeling I'm going to be exhausted until next weekend. 

Long Relationships

Today at work I heard the other women who sit around me talking, as usual, when they should be working since our department was so slammed. I continued to work but couldn't help but hear what they were discussing.

The newest girl was complaining about how she isn't madly in love with her boyfriend anymore. She was saying how they have been together for 5 years and now there isn't that "rush" anymore. That newly in love feeling. She said that because of that lack of a rush she feels like it's time to leave. Time to find a new man so she can feel it all over again.

Hell of a way to look at it. She was complaining that she feels more like his friend now rather than his girlfriend. While I can understand that the rush is no longer there, is that actually a valid reason for wanting to leave?

Master and I have been together for 8 1/2 years now and while that constant rush is no longer there, I still feel it. I am deeply in love with my Husband and I am glad that we are still friends. We can sit around and talk bullshit like two friends and we can still be the kind, loving, happily married couple. Now throw in our dynamic and there are quite a few things going on all at the same time. I don't know if that helps keep our relationship "fresh" or not. Either way, I'm happy.

I couldn't imagine going back on the dating scene. In fact the thought of it kind of disgusts me. Master has said much the same. I just can't see how just because you've been with someone for "x" amount of time it warrants leaving them so you can get that rush back. She fully admitted that she still loved him and was still in love with him, just that the rush of a new love wasn't there.

As I said I am deeply in love with my Husband. Even though we have been together for so long there are times where that rush still hits me. I find that the longer we are together the happier I am. There is strength in the time we've spent together, which only gets stronger as more time passes. I am more comfortable, I love the fact that He knows me. Not just the me that some people know, but He knows who I really am. He knows my likes, dislikes, my fears, my dark secrets, my fantasies... the list continues.

In my opinion, no new "love" can compare to that.

Good Day

First off I would like to start by saying thank you to everyone who has commented on my last post. I really appreciate it, and will be responding to the comments soon. Right now I'm sweating and trying to cool down, so I figured while I did that I would do my daily blog post.

Since talking with Master about my depression and crying (it's amazing how therapeutic that can be) I feel a lot better. I feel like I am on the right path to getting a better handle on everything.

It was only my half day at work today, so that was really nice.

Once I got home Master and I relaxed in our living room and just tried to stay cool. It was in the mid 80's today, so relaxing and not doing much was pretty much our plan for the day.

But it didn't stay that way, and I'm glad for that. We haven't been doing much lately as a couple, and I think getting out of the apartment more will help quite a bit.

So we ran to the bank, did what we needed to do there, and then went to the game store. Master traded in some of His old games, and got two different ones on His trade in alone. Yay for not spending money! After that we went to Applebee's and ate dinner. It was delicious and it was nice to sit, eat, and talk without a TV or computer distracting us.

Once we were done eating we stopped at the gas station and then headed home.

After a few hours of sitting at home, I reminded Master that we needed a rug and a new fan. He said we could do that tomorrow when we got the animals' food. I asked if I could go to the store tonight and we would still go to get the animal stuff tomorrow together. He said that was fine.

I admit I had other motives for asking. His birthday is next week, and I knew I wouldn't really have a chance to run to the store before this upcoming Thursday without Him wondering why. So off to the store I went!

I picked up the rug (which I got for $9!) and the fan, but then I wandered around wondering what to get Master for His birthday.

I had been asking Him for about two weeks now what He wanted, but the new video games He wants don't come out until later this month and I didn't want to just get Him a gift card. The video games He got today are ones that He had already played, so that just felt like a cop out to me as far as presents go.

Other than the new video games He couldn't really think of anything. So I was just looking through random departments.

I found a funny card and stuffed that into the cart. Okay, the card was done but what about a present? I wandered into the electronics department and remembered that He needed a camera case. He was keeping His camera that I got Him for Christmas last year in it's box. That's great and all, but when we want to take the camera places we end up putting it in my purse and hoping it doesn't get damaged.

So I found a nice small camera case (His digital camera isn't that large at all) that had a carry strap and some pockets to put His extra memory card in and whatever else He may want to shove in there. So I picked that up. But I felt like it wasn't enough.

So for some odd reason I found myself in the kitchen accessories aisle. Master has been wanting a nice kitchen knife cutlery set for a long time. He's never had one and whenever we have the money to get a nice one, we always forget about it. Figures, doesn't it?

I don't cook, and so I don't know the first thing about picking out a cutlery set. If you ask me to pick out bake ware, I'm all over it. So I must have spent a good 20 minutes in the aisle picking up every box within my price range and trying to choose between them. I was about to give up because none of the sets really seemed like what Master would want. But then, as I was walking away there was a set on an aisle cap, within my price range, and it looked like a really nice set. It's 17 pieces (all knives, unlike some of the other sets which had a spatula and a spoon in it?), the knives are full tang and have three rivets in the handle. Full tang? I remember that term from when Master shops for weapons! (The things you know.... *insert cheesy music here*) So I decided to pick that up as well, and if Master didn't like it I would just take it back.

Once I got home, before I walked through the door, I asked Master to close His eyes. He huffed and sighed and asked what I was up to. I just said, "Please?!" and He sighed again but closed His eyes.

I walked in, put everything down and went into the kitchen to sign the card I had literally just purchased. Then I walked over to Him and gave Him everything. He opened His eyes and smiled. He laughed at the card, and immediatley put His camera into the carry case. It fit perfectly, thankfully. He loves the case.

Then He opened the cutlery set and sat there happily putting each piece away into the wood block the set came with. I asked if it was a nice set, and He grinned and said yes.

He told me that He's never had one, and how much He's wanted one, etc. I was very pleased. I know I got Him all practical things, but He really loves them!

I wasn't about to try and hide His presents until Thursday, so He got them a bit early. But that's not really a bad thing. He just gets to enjoy them sooner.

I put the new rug down, and then started putting the fan together. As soon as I plugged it in I knew I had to take it back to the store. The housing on the motor was extremely loose and was rattling, and that was on the low setting. So I went back to the store, exchanged it, came home, put together that one, and finally everything was done.

I got a lot done today, and being busy and getting more time away from the apartment with Master really helped me feel better.

I don't feel hopeless, or lost. I feel pretty good right now.

Don't get me wrong, I am still looking at my options regarding the depression. Just because I have a good day doesn't mean the matter is settled, or that I'm "over it". Obviously I'm not. I've had it for a long time and I have my good days, and my bad ones.

Today was a good one.

Love, Love, Love

This past weekend was absolutely wonderful. It's to bad that it had to end.

But even though it was a Monday, and it was gloomy out due to overcast skies, fog, and rain I stayed in a very good mood all day long. Nothing could bring me down.

And it's all due to my Husband.

This weekend we were all over each other, cuddling, molesting one another, and just being goofy. It was wonderful!

I have a picture from our wedding, at work. It is a wallet sized one, that I have taped to the side of my monitor. I was glancing at it all day long, smiling to myself. It is one of my favorite pictures of us. We both look extremely happy (because we were/are). It's our first picture as Husband and wife. I love that picture to pieces!

I always know I'm in love with Master. That feeling is always with me. But today that feeling soared within me.

And I'm giddy because of it. Not to mention silly and horny. *nods* It's an interesting mix to say the least.

Master told me that I've been a very good girl lately. *beams* That's also adding to my feeling of overall happiness.

But I can't really keep a coherent thought pattern right now. My mind is all over the place. I'm not the least bit tired, and it's only about 45 minutes before I'm supposed to go to bed. I have a feeling we'll be staying up a bit late tonight. Hyper and in love. It's great.

We've been together for almost 7 years and I still get this way. Ya know most people tell you that as time goes on, you lose that and you end up more in a "comfortable" love, rather than an "intense" love. For me, it's a mixture of both. I am extremely comfortable around and with my mate, but it is also very, very intense at times.

What We Are Is Influenced By What Is Around Us

Master and I watched a really good movie today called "City of Joy". It's about a doctor who goes to India and while there tries to help out the locals, although a bit unwillingly at first. It's a damn good movie.

As we were watching it there is one married couple in it, natives of India, and it was interesting to see them interact. She did what her husband told her to do, even if it wasn't what her heart wanted. If she argued a point, it was with a lot of respect. It was incredible to watch, even if it was just acting.

Master and I started to discuss this interaction. And I said, "Well it's how they are. It's what they are brought up to do. You listen to your husband. That's that."

And I went on to say, that that is how women here in America used to be. Seriously. I saw how my great grandparents were. The whole woman's lib thing came about though and now... well. That doesn't happen anymore.

And I'm not saying that it should be that way again, but it is a fine example of how what you are is influenced by what is around you.

I grew up seeing the men supposedly wearing the pants in the family, but once things were more relaxed you could see that the wife was really running the show. That is, except for a few cases in my family. That would be my great grandparents and one of my aunts and her husband.

But in certain cultures it is expected of you to do what your husband tells you. And while some of us submissive type people like to wish we were that way, there are parts of it I know for a fact that I wouldn't be able to tolerate.

"Oh, you want another wife? Rock on .."

No.

"You're fucking around on me? That's cool. I'll just be over here when you want to pay attention to me."

No again.

"Thank you for beating my ass because you were drunk and were sick of kicking the dog."

Nope.

"You're going to cut off my clitoris so I won't feel compelled to cheat on you and then you're going to make me have my face covered all the time? Awesome! Oh.. I can't leave the house without you? Cool! Being a hermit rocks!"

Yeah... no again. I'm not saying, that that is how all marriages work in those particular cultures. But still... it's part of the reality.

And reality sucks.

You know how you watch those pornos, or see those romantic movies, or bondage related movies and you swoon and then you realize, "Wait a damn minute here. That isn't how real life is. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot mother fucker!" And then you feel ripped off. Yeah, that sucks.

But what Master and I do have a balance to our relationship that works for us. Yes, sometimes I know I am not as docile as I should be. And sometimes I wish Master would be a little more Dominant. *shrugs* These things happen.

But I would like to take a page from that beautiful bond of just doing as your husband tells you. Now I'm not saying I would always agree with Him. That's never going to happen. You can't agree with someone all of the time, on every single subject. But taking a simple concept such as this, and applying it to real life are two entirely different things. And I know this.

Perhaps it will please Master if I stop worrying so damn much and just do as I'm told. Am I going to try and debate some things? Probably. Does it mean I'm going to get my way? Nope.

I've been trying to be a good slave and a good wife. I need to try harder.

He hasn't said anything as far as I'm going to be punished or anything along those lines.. but I feel this starting to slip and so I shall take steps to try and prevent it from slipping further. Hey, it's worth a shot right?