Pieces Of My Childhood

Yesterday Master and I went down to my father's. It wasn't a planned visit. We were sitting around the apartment and my dad gave us a ring and asked if we wanted to come down. We didn't have anything better to do really, so we said sure. It's rare that he calls but he's been wanting to see us for a while, so why not. We didn't want to take the interstate but apparently city streets weren't a good choice either. There was construction everywhere. A drive that normally takes 45 minutes took a little over an hour and a half. Sucked on the gas tank, I'll tell you that. But we eventually got down there and thankfully my dad's girlfriend only came out to talk for about 15 minutes and then left. The rest of the time it actually felt like it used to. Dad, my Husband and I just sitting in the living room talking and joking around. I mean, we did that last time but it's wasn't the same.

My dad is going to be selling off 90% of his collection. He collects a particular band's memorabilia. He started this collection back when he was about 16. He's 50 now. So needless to say the collection is rather large. Well, enormous really. I helped him build that collection. In fact, I had my own for the longest time (same band). I had started mine shortly really young. I'd say no later than ten or eleven. So my dad and I would buy each other items for our collections. When I moved in with Master I realized that I hadn't really shown off my collection in quite a few years. It was all in totes. I hadn't really thought about it until I moved because well, I was moving the totes.

I also knew that I wouldn't be putting any of it up really. So I had talked to my dad and asked if he wanted my collection. I didn't keep any of it. I knew that it was going to good home. Granted, it meant that he would have several duplicates but I knew that wouldn't bother him. He seemed surprised by it but took it all.

Well, now my dad is looking to sell most of it, as I said. When he first told me that I was surprised to a point because he has been collecting this stuff for so long but I understood because I know he really needs the money right now. Some of it is so he can get things he needs but the other reason is so he can get one particular item he wants.

When he had first told me he was going to be selling most of it off it didn't really effect me. After all I had given away my collection. Even if it was to him, I still gave it away.

While we were there he had pulled out some of the totes of memorabilia he has and started showing it off. I remembered all of it. Every piece he took out. I remembered it. I remembered each piece he showed me that I bought for him. I remembered the pieces that were originally mine. I remembered everything. He even had a little book I had made when I was younger. Maybe 11? It was about the band. Pictures I drew, song names I remembered by heart that I had decided to write down. He still had it. He also had the very first boombox he ever gave me. He pulled it out and I knew it immediately. He told Master how he had given it to me. He had given me two CDs of the band with the boombox. I even know which titles they were.

At one point while Dad was still digging around to find more totes Master looked over at me and softly asked me if I was okay. I was. It was just kind of hitting me at once. All of it, even though it wasn't all mine, was part of my childhood. I would go to a store and if I saw anything that had to do with this band I would pick it up for myself or my dad if I had saved up enough from my allowance. Even after I gave my dad my collection I would find something at the store I knew he didn't have and get it for him and give it to him the next time I saw him.

But now? Now it's all going away. Well, not all of it. Dad did show me the ones he plans on keeping and most of it are items I got for him or he bought at concerts.

When I go to concerts I buy a hat every time. There are two times I haven't been able to do that.  One time was when Master, my brother and I went to the Disturbed concert because I didn't see any hats. The other time is when Master and I went to see Alice Cooper. Again, no hats.

Why hats? Well, at my first concert (I went with my dad) I wanted something I could wear but didn't have to change into. They had a cool hat so I bought that. Since then, that's what I've done. I know a lot of people get t-shirts and yeah, you can toss that over what you're already wearing or hold onto it... but for some reasons I've stuck with hats. I had three from when I went to concerts with my dad. I had given those to him as well.

So while he's digging around I asked if he still had them. He said, "Of course I do!" and pulled down the tote that had them. I open it up and they are right on top. I pull all three out and took a look at them for the first time in at least six years.

I look at the first one I ever got and I got a little pang in my chest. It sounds stupid, I know. But this was my first concert ever. It was a concert that I went to with my dad. It was for a band we both loved and he had bought it for me.

I didn't want it going to someone else. I wanted it back. So I offered to buy it off of him. He said I could just have it. I said no, that I was going to give him $20 for it. He didn't argue past that. However he did ask why I wanted to buy it rather than just taking it. I simply told him that I was "helping out".

I wore that damn hat home.

Master honestly doesn't really care for the band in question but he knows that I still like the band and it's something that my dad and I bonded over.

On the way home though I told myself I will probably pick up a few of the band's CDs that I used to have. Now right now, but at some point when I find one in a store I'll pick it up Only a few select titles though. Hell, I had all of them at one point. But I sold all of those. Now I want a few back. I don't need the whole album list again because I won't listen to it all. But I can think of four that I would love to have back. I most likely won't listen to them when Master is around, because as I said he doesn't really care for the band, but that's okay.

I'm glad I have the hat back though. I don't really wear my other band hat that much, but it's not so much about wearing it so much as it is about having it. Weird, I know.