Tug of the Leash

Tonight Master and I went down to the bonfire that our neighbors were having. We pretty much have an open invite so we wondered on down. Part of the problem I have when we go hang out with neighbors is that I have to remember that I can't talk/act like I normally would with Master. It doesn't help that we're still technically at home. Also, the people we used to hang out with knew about our lifestyle so if I "slipped up" a little it was no big deal. But our neighbors don't really have any idea. Well, that's not really true either.

Little side story...

One day Master was outside with Leslie, which is the neighbor that is living with Nicole, which is the bitch that no one likes. I guess he was having a fight with her or something and actually came to Master for advice. Master basically said that His advice only works in certain relationships. Leslie inquired further and Master put it rather simply. He said, "In my house, what I say goes."

So, some of them may have a very, very small taste of how we are.

So I have to make sure I don't call Him Daddy, or if I do I do it softly. I know that can be taken as a pet name but still. I call Him Daddy more than I do Master, so not saying Master isn't all that difficult.

But I still do small things that, if you were in a similar relationship or knew of such things you would know exactly what the hell is going on.

His soda will be on a small table that is closer to me than it is Him. He can reach it without a problem but I will just randomly pick up His soda and hand it to Him. When He's done, rather than putting it on the table, He hands it to me and I put it down. Small things like that do get some odd looks at times but nothing is said about it.

But I know I couldn't just sit there and not do a damn thing. I can act like a normal wife, but I don't really like to. It feels weird to me. It's almost uncomfortable.

We joke and I pick on Him and shit but it's all in play. And I do that anyway so it's not really out of line or out of character. I don't push it too far just because I technically could get away with it at that exact moment.

But to just not do anything that is service orientded would drive me nuts. I do it all the time, even in front of family. I can do those small things in front of family and not feel weird about it. His mother has commented a couple times but everyone else takes it as it's just how we interact. His mother though will make a comment of, "Well He can do it Himself.."

Yeah. That kind of bullshit. One time when she said that I just looked at her, smiled and said, "Well, I have to keep Him happy so He doesn't run away."

Master laughed and she looked like I had just thrown something at her. It was fucking hilarious.

But back to the neighbors.. I am kind of waiting for the day where it all comes to light. Partially because someone may just flat out ask or it'll be something that we just throw out there. Why would we do that? Well, some of the neighbor couples make little comments about their sex lives sometimes and what not and we have hinted a very tiny bit about ours, but aside from that nothing.

Sometimes I really wish we could just get it out of the way by having Master give me an order or for Him to tell me to kneel and I of course would. However, I don't know how some people would take it. Not that I care exactly, but some people may take it to a whole different level of, "Well He must abuse her!" ... "That poor girl!" ... You know that kind of shit.

I know that eventually a few of them will probably pick up on the fact that I take His lead on everything. If He says it's time to go in, I go in. I won't stay down there and hang out by myself. It's not because I would feel uncomfortable, but because when Master says it's time to call it a night I know that means I am to go in with Him.

I may not physically wear a collar anymore but there is a leash none the less. And I love that leash. I need that leash. I think I would honestly feel absolutely lost without it. I know it's always there but I still desire that tug as a reminder. It's a weird, mental security blanket.

If it wasn't for Him and the structure, care and love that He provides I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I really would not know. I'd be lost without Him. I'd be a shell. So that tug of the leash just keeps me in balance. It lets me know that everything is right in my world.