Breaking the Dry Spell

Last night we finally broke the dry spell. Yay! Like I said it wasn't anyone's fault that we were going through one to begin with. *shrugs* It happens.

We watched some porn for a little while. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Unfortunately it wasn't as entertaining as we had originally thought it would be. It wasn't one of the ones where there girls are hurt a bit. We hadn't watched it in a while, so we basically had forgotten that part. Sometimes we're in the mood for just sex or a little rough sex in our porn but other times we like to see the girls struggling to deal with what the guys are putting them through. It's nothing hardcore, which makes it all the more amusing. We watched a few scenes and then eventually decided to turn it off and go enjoy our own fun.

As soon as we were in bed and comfortable He was on His side and roughly pulled me against Him. I wrapped my leg around Him and He pushed His leg a little bit farther up. His arms were wrapped around me and mine were wrapped around Him. It was very intimate yet demanding at the same time. It was lovely. He chewed on my neck. Actually, it wasn't so much chewing as it was sinking in His teeth as deeply as He could without actually breaking skin. And at certain points it felt like He was going to, which only turned me on more. I scraped my nails along the length of His back a few times because it was so intense. I don't do that a lot but it felt... appropriate. It felt good. It only made Him bite down harder. He would release His grip on my neck only to find a new spot to chomp down on. I felt His cock throbbing against my lower abdomen.

He rolled me onto my stomach and flicked His tongue across my nipples, switching from one to another. I reached down and stroked His cock as He did so. There were times that the pleasure was so intense that I swear I saw flashes of color. He told me to slide up. Before I did so I raised my upper body a bit so I could kiss Him.

He sucked on my outer pussy lips, then dipped His tongue inside of me. He ran His tongue along the length of my pussy before flicking His tongue across my clit. As soon as I started to whimper in a higher pitch He would stop and go back to licking me inside and out. Normally I have a very difficult time getting off by only having my clit stimulated. I usually need something for my cunt to clench down on. But this time was different. It hit me in one sudden full body shock. I think He was a little surprised. I know I was. If He was, He didn't show any sign of it.

I wanted to sit up and lay in between His legs as He was kneeling up on the bed so I could suck His cock. But before I could do so He wrapped His arm around my waist and, as if I weighed nothing at all, He flipped me not only over but up so I was on all fours. Once there, I didn't have time to get settled before He pushed on my upper back, in between my shoulder blades, so that my face was to the mattress and my ass was in the air.

In one fluid motion He entered me. I was soaking wet and there was no resistance. He was balls deep before I could even take a full breath. It all happened so quickly that my I squeaked. (I hate it when I squeak. He finds it endlessly amusing.) He wasn't gentle with me at all. I loved every second of it. I don't think I stopped moaning at any point. My system was in overdrive. Every time He allowed me to cum I raked my nails along the bedsheets. I swear those things are made out of something other than fabric. I'm always expecting them to be ripped when I do that. That's how hard I claw at them.

After my final orgasm I snaked my arm underneath me and stroked His balls, applying pressure behind them so that with each thrust His balls ran over the palm of my hand, adding to the sensations He was experiencing. When I heard His breathing becoming heavier and more bass in His throat when He growled I begged for His cum.

"Please Master. I want to feel it. I want to feel it right there."

He shot His load into me and as He did so I applied more pressure with my hands on His balls. Not a lot. Just enough. After He was spent He allowed His upper body to fall forward so that His head was resting on my back. His breathing was heavy and I enjoyed each after shock that went through our bodies. I could feel His which made me experience my own.

After He had pulled out and rested beside me I cleaned Him off. Unfortunately I had to get up so I could go take my pills. But when I came back to bed I curled up with my back against His chest and He wrapped His hand around my wrist. It wasn't long before I fell asleep. I love sleeping like that.

I found a picture online that somewhat relates to this post... I find it amusing. In fact when I first saw it I smirked.

Changes

Master is always picking on me about not being able to leave things alone in regards to my blog. And He has reason to. I mean come on... how many times over the years have I changed my blog's look? Let alone hopping from Blogger to Wordpress and then back to Blogger. I've lost count. Then again I've been blogging since 2007... so... yeah... But ever since I've settled on the background (finally) I've been very happy with it. And I've got all of my widgets set to where I think they are perfect... There was one thing that was bothering me. Yes, I know. Hush. It was what is called a Gravatar. It's that image that shows up next to your name when you are commenting on a blog. I like mine to match my blog as much as possible. When this blog was purple, it was purple. But now that it is orange I felt the need to change it. I had it as something rather basic. It was a black background with an abstract tiger face on it. But for some reason, it just wasn't interesting enough to me. So.. I found this one:

I think it is much more interesting... Love it.

Anyway...

Other than that, and my changing a couple of things on Master' pet project per His request, there isn't a lot to report. There are a couple of family things but I don't want to go into that right now.

I will say that our sex life has taken a serious nose dive. It's not anyone's fault. It's just everything else going on. Kind of kills the mood ya know? But since sex is a great stress reliever it is missed. Now that things have settled down a bit, not a lot, but enough, the sex drive is kicking back in slowly. Hopefully we'll fool around tonight. It all kind of depends on how we feel a little bit later on. Master's back has been bothering Him and my lower back and shoulders have been bothering me. It seems as if it's not one thing it's another.

One good thing that happened this week is that I took a data entry test for a job I applied to a while back. They wanted 6,200kph with a 95% accuracy. Thankfully I got my results right away. I had 10,680kph with 99.7% accuracy. *beams* I know that may come off as a shock since I seem to fuck up shit when typing out a blog post but when it comes to a job, for whatever reason, I type a lot better. It's not like I'm not trying to type well during a blog post. It's just that there isn't that sense of urgency. I don't know if that's the word I really want to use but it's the only one I can think of. Yes, my blog is important and I take pride in it. However, I am more relaxed about it. After all this is supposed to be something that is enjoyable.

In so far as the job goes, it's going to be a lengthy process in order to find out whether or not they want to hire me. There are, I believe, a total of five steps. That was step one. They said I would hear from them in a week and a half to two weeks. At that time they'll let me know whether or not they want me to proceed with the process. Master says that if they don't they are insane simply based on my test results. I'm not trying to sound smug but I have to agree with Him. We shall see. After all, it is only the first step in this process.

Bed -vs- Couch

 Lately I have been having a really hard time sleeping. And the fucked up thing is it's not always just one part of the whole sleeping process. Sometimes I have a really hard time falling asleep, other times I'll pass out right away and wake up on and off all night. Then there are the times where both happen. There have been several times this past month where I have basically just given up and came out to the living room to sleep on the couch simply so I don't keep tossing and turning and keeping Master up. A couple of those times it was because I couldn't breathe through my nose and needed my head to be propped up more. It really sucks regardless of the reason though.

When most people hear that one of the spouses are sleeping on the couch instead of in bed next to their loved one the immediate thought is that there is trouble in paradise. But that is not the case here. Not at all.

And I know that Master isn't really pleased with my sleeping on the couch. He knows it's not because of anything within our relationship. It's just stress, restlessness, pain, and/or allergies. And it all seems to be coming one after another after another.

I'm not making excuses to sleep on the couch, trust me. We both love sleeping next to one another and we always sleep better when the other one is in bed next to us. Hell, there have been times in the past where Master was going to be up really late and so rather than go to bed alone I asked if I could sleep on the couch until He went to bed. He didn't always allow it but I only wanted it because He wasn't going to be in bed with me.

But here it is almost 4am and I'm still awake. Master went off to bed not that long ago. I just didn't want a repeat of last night. Last night I went to bed when Master did, which was about 3am. But I didn't fall asleep until 5:30am. I just couldn't get comfortable. I would try to lay still in one position and attempt to force myself to sleep but it wouldn't work. So I started tossing and turning for that entire time. I was worried about keeping Master up and almost considered sleeping on the couch so I wouldn't wake Him. But my mind turned to His disappointment the last time and so I stayed in bed. I only got about four hours of sleep and even that was broken. I had a really long day today and so I ended up taking about an hour nap on the couch this evening. I don't know if that has to do anything with my not being tired right now. But I really needed that nap. I had taken my bath right before hand and had soaked for a while. I actually felt like I was going to nod off right there in the tub, so I thought napping on the couch would be better. Less of a risk of drowning and all that.

Master has been incredibly understanding. My brain has been mush most of the month. There are just a lot of things going on and nothing to really do about any of it. When I'm stressed out my body gets wired to the point of it driving me nuts and then the next thing I know I'm crashing and nod off. Or stress will make me feel tired all damn day but then when it comes time for me to actually sleep I'm suddenly wide awake. Thank you very much body. It also doesn't help that my fibromyalgia kicks into high gear when I'm stressed which can also make it difficult to sleep sometimes. It also doesn't help that my period started today and the first day or two are always the worst which isn't exactly helping. Mood wise I think I'm fine, but it is not doing my lower back any favors.

I'm just.. tired of being tired I guess. I want at least one night where I go to bed when Master does and I fall asleep easily and stay asleep all night. I think I'm pushing my luck on that hope though. I don't want to sleep on the couch because of this. I want to sleep a full normal night next to my Husband in our bed.

I told Master that I might go soak in the tub again tonight before I come to bed. Maybe the hot water will make me sleepy and I'll be able to pass out quickly once I climb into bed next to Him. I haven't made up my mind on that yet though.

Blah

I was reading over some of my posts before I went back to bed last night and I have just been flooding this thing with family drama and stress. Ugh. I just don't want to talk about it anymore really. I don't want to focus on it today. I really don't.

So... as I kinda said in my last post, Master's pet project was approved and He "launched" it on Saturday. He was so excited and it and so was I. I was more than happy to help Him make the couple of changes that needed to be done and we worked on it a little bit more yesterday. Now that His project is up and running and I finally have settled on a background for my blog and don't even feel the desire to look at other ones I don't have any coding to do or messing around with any sites what so ever. And I'm okay with that. I don't feel the itch for it that I did. In fact, that's how I know I love the background I have. I don't feel the need to hunt for a new one just to see if I can possibly find a better one. Master is grooving on it too.

Master said on Saturday that because I worked hard on His pet project that I have earned a reward. He asked me what I wanted. I asked for a full body massage. *smiles* He said He would do it soon. I know He's sore too because of how the weather has been and all the stress that is going on.

I finished reading the book I had been reading over the past couple of weeks. So I'll have to decide on a different one now. We still have one book that I never finished reading, which is odd because it's a Stephen King book and I typically love the books he writes. Maybe I'll start reading that one next. I don't know. Maybe I'll just take a break from reading since I can't really decide on one.

Master asked me why I was doing another blog post and I said I didn't really know. I use this blog to vent sometimes and sometimes it's because I have to. Other times it's just to kill time. *shrugs* I know I don't really have much to say right now but that doesn't stop me from rambling on for no good reason.

I wish we could sit outside for a while today or maybe go for a walk but it's been raining outside on and off since last night. As a result we can't really sit outside because the patio chairs are absolutely soaked. And taking a walk means that the freshly washed mutt is most likely going to get muddy.

It seems like ever since I lost my job the weather, whether it be the temperature or rain or snow, has been stopping us from sitting out or going for a walk. We've sat outside maybe four times and each time it was short lived because it started to cool off rather rapidly and we've gone on one walk and it was windy as hell on our way back home. And all this week it's supposed to be raining on and off. I love the rain and storms, don't get me wrong, but it's not really helping us get outside and out of the apartment.

Shock to the System

I couldn't sleep when Master and I went to bed so I figured I'd hop on here and do a small post. The meeting happened today and I have to say it didn't go anything like I thought it would. When my dad and uncle first contacted everyone to schedule it, they made it seem rather important and since they wouldn't tell anyone exactly what it was about it had everyone wondering about it and working ourselves up about it.

But we get there and all it was about was offering everyone to take some groceries with them since Grandpa won't be coming home and they don't want it going to waste and to try and set up some kind of visitor schedule so that Grandpa doesn't get bombarded with a bunch of visitors at one time. I actually felt relieved at first because I was glad it had nothing to do with the will or anything horrible. I knew if it was about the will it would get ugly.

Well, it got kind of ugly anyway. As my dad and uncle were telling us exactly what it was about my mother said, "That's it?" And well.. it was all down hill from there. It was like a match was set to kerosine and my mother and father ended up getting into a verbal fight. My dad called her a bitch and my mom called him an asshole. She said she was leaving, he told her to leave. It just wasn't pretty. And my brother, my Husband, and myself just sat there. There just wasn't any way to get a word in edge wise and I felt that it was pretty even since they had both swore at one another. It also seemed somewhat short lived since Mom did end up leaving.

Well, once she left we did out best to just not bring it up again. My dad ranted a bit but after that he calmed down we went back to the original conversation. My uncle wanted a cigarette so my dad, my Husband, and my uncle went into the garage to smoke and I asked my brother if we could talk alone. So we did. I asked him what he thought and he said he wasn't too surprised it happened and honestly I kind of was because I was only expecting it to happen if the will was brought up. But it all happened so fast that it was a shock to the system.

After my brother left I told Dad that I think everyone could have handled that a lot better. I don't think either of them had to react that way. But then again they can't really be in the same room without barbing each other. The divorce wasn't pretty and towards the end of their marriage they were fighting a lot.

I called Mom once I got home to see if she was okay and she was pissed off at both myself and my brother for not sticking up for her. I told her that I thought it was pretty even since she called him an asshole and he called her a bitch. She told me that he had called her a whore and a cunt. I told her that I didn't hear that part and if I had I definitely would have stepped in. Those words would have been uncalled for. But just like anyone in our family when we're pissed off we don't really want to talk to anyone. So she cut the call short and was still pissed. I know Dad was still pissed too.

I will say that I had a bit of a flashback to when I was growing up since that wasn't exactly anything new when we were growing up. I think that may have been part of the reason I didn't react. I was just shocked that it was happening at all. I basically just tried to blend into the couch. However, like I said, if I had heard Dad call Mom a cunt or a whore I would have stepped in. Since I didn't hear those two words if I had stepped in it would have been to tell both of them to calm down and stop.

Normally I talk to my mother every day. I don't think it's wise to call her tomorrow as I don't know how pissed off she'll still be at me and whether or not she'll want to talk to me at all. So I'll wait for her to call me, if she wants to. I don't know. Am I mad at Mom for being pissed off at me or my brother? No. I can't tell her how to feel just like she can't tell me how to feel.

I hate fighting with family and after I had calmed down I crashed out on the couch really early and slept for a good five hours. I woke up right before Master was going to bed and I felt tired still. So I went to bed with Him. I didn't stay in bed long though because I had this pain shooting down my leg. Master came out to ask if I was sleeping on the couch again and I told Him no, that my leg was just bothering me. He told me to prop it up, which I am doing while I'm typing this out.

I know I've been sleeping on the couch too much while He's in bed. I just have been having a hard time sleeping at night due to all the things that are going on with Grandpa.

My Dad did threaten to ban my mother from seeing Grandpa after she had left. I already know that if he does do that I'll tell him that it's not fair. We don't know how long he'll still be here and it would not only hurt my mother it would hurt Grandpa too. I love both of my parents very much and I don't want to fight with either of them. I don't know if that's part of the problem. Meaning that I'm trying to try really hard not to take sides.

This will sound absolutely horrible but Grandpa doesn't want to be here and things are escalating so quickly emotion wise for everyone that I just want this to be done with. I want Grandpa to be at rest and I don't want to fight with my parents.

On a much happier note, Master's pet project was approved! There were only a few changes that needed to be made but they were extremely easy so they were done in no time flat. I am very, very happy for Him and proud of Him as well.

Waiting Sucks

I asked Master just now if I could listen to some music and do a blog post. He seemed a little surprised since I just did a post last night. The current rule is I do a blog post every other night. I'm not sure if I wanted to do a blog post just to listen to music and kill time, or what. Maybe. It's better than just drifting off and staring into nothing which I have done a couple of times already today.

I'm not depressed or anything like that. I'm just anxious and nervous about tomorrow. I got a call a couple of days ago about tomorrow. The whole family is going out to Grandpa's house so my father and my uncle can discuss some things with everyone. About what? No clue. That's how my dad is though. If he makes plans to meet up with someone face to face to talk with them he doesn't tell them what it's about. If you ask, he just says we'll discuss it in person. And it's not like he's doing that with just me, he's not telling anyone what subject(s) will be discussed.

Up until today I've been pretty collected about waiting. But now that it's closer I'm starting to get anxious and drifting off to think about absolutely nothing just to try and keep my mind as blank as possible. I don't really want to walk in there tomorrow with any preconceived notions but that's kind of hard to do.

On the bright side I haven't cried in a few days. Every now and again I've shed some tears since this all started with Grandpa about a month ago. Emotions are high. Stress is high. I jump when the phone rings. I think Master has been jumping when it rings too because He's right on it after the first ring. Normally we are rather casual about the phone ringing. But for the past month one or both of us are jumping it as soon as the first ring starts. Basically we're waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I'll be visiting Grandpa on Tuesday with my mom. I have to be in town that day for a data entry test for a possible job and so I wanted to stop in and say hi to him. My mom just wants to come with me as I feel somewhat uncomfortable going by myself. Not because it's Grandpa but because... Well... I just am.

I had a dream the night before I went to visit him earlier this week that I was sitting in his hospital room with him and we were talking away and the next thing I know he rests his head on the pillow, closes his eyes, and the heart monitor goes flat.

Anyway.. back to tomorrow... I already know that I'm going to be highly uncomfortable being at that house without Grandpa being there. I'm worried that it'll feel like he's already gone, even though he's not. I felt that way as a kid when I would go visit my grandfather while my grandmother was in the hospital. It felt like she was already gone because she wasn't at the house. I was 9 back then. But here I am at 31 and worried about that sensation happening all over again.

I'm glad that Master will be with me. He's already told me that He's pretty much just going to be my shadow. He says this is family business. Don't worry, He knows He's family but He feels that this is something that is more for direct blood family. He was actually surprised by the fact my dad had invited Him out. Our family sees Him as family, the blood doesn't really play into it. We all want Him just as updated as the rest of us are.

I feel a little better after typing that all out. Still a bit anxious, but not as much as I was when I first started the post. I also think the music helps. It floods through me and it's always been something I use to either enhance or control my emotions. Right now I'm letting it wash over me so that my brain has something else to focus on. And I need something heavy right now. For instance as this exact moment I'm listening to "American Witch" by Rob Zombie.

It may seem odd that I need something heavy given the subject at hand. But heavy music helps me focus. It clears my mind. I don't want anything emotional right now. So heavy it is!

Brain Glitch

Okay first, I would like to say that I am driving myself crazy with trying to figure out if I want to keep the background I have for my blog or find a different one. I won't lie. Even though I haven't been able to make up my mind I've been hunting for a different one anyway. Ya know, just in case I happen to stumble across one I like better. And I already know I'll end up doing it again at some point today. After all, I like driving myself crazy apparently. And I do have that test blog to experiment with so I don't have to worry about messing with this one unless I'm absolutely sure I want to. So at least I'm not driving everyone who reads here crazy by dicking with the background constantly. Master picks on me about it. He doesn't get mad He just laughs and pokes fun at me. He also knows that I'm trying to keep my mind off of other things. I'm glad He is so understanding. The only thing I do know for sure with this blog is that I really like the orange. I've never had orange on my blog before so I'm grooving on it. Plus my "name" is Coyote's Kitten. And when I say Kitten I am referring to a Tiger, because I love them. Also I am fascinated with them. And Tigress just sounds silly. So orange is rather fitting, if I do say so myself. Why I never used orange before I have no idea.

Okay, enough about that since I'll be driving myself crazy with that later. On to the next random subject!

This is going to sound stupid as hell, but this thought actually kicked up in my mind last night because I was watching an episode of Jerry Spring. It's a guilty pleasure okay?!

Anyway... there was this supposed "Dom" on there and he was wearing a collar. It's not the first time I have seen such. Hell, I've seen it in porn. Whether it is a female or a male the "Dom" wears a collar. To me a collar has always symbolized the submission of the person wearing it and a symbol of the Dominant's ownership of said submissive. As a result seeing a "Dom" wearing a collar kind of makes my brain glitch. What. The. Fuck.

If Master, and this thought alone makes me want to laugh, ever wore a collar I would freak out. Trust me that will not happen. Ever. It wouldn't even happen in some crazy as hell parallel universe. Just no. Nuh-uh. No way.

I just don't get it. Maybe it's because of how Master has used me collar in the past. He'd yank me around by it, grab it to pull me close, move me around like a rag doll, etc. and so on. Maybe it's because of how I view the thing itself. I don't know. But to me if a Dom of either gender is wearing a collar it just makes me think of the Dom being yanked around by it which isn't Dominant at all in my eyes.

Can anyone possibly explain this concept to me? Master doesn't understand it either but then again He has the same view point I do about a collar in general.

**Update** This update is in regards to my blog background. I think I finally figured it out. Master helped me pick it out. I think it is a lot more interesting than the last one. Now hopefully I can stop messing with it.