Icing on the Cake

Master and I had a good day today. And having great sex was just the icing on the cake. *smirks*

We haven't been having sex a lot lately. It seems it's either one thing or another. Or sometimes it's a combination of things. His back has been pretty bad lately. Then I've been falling asleep early and just feeling completely drained. So yeah, for a little while now it's been a little on the back burner I guess. Normally we'll fuck quite often through out the week, but lately it's been once or twice a week. There has just been a lot of shit going down and add on top of that the stuff I listed above... yeah. Sex hasn't really been in the forefront of either our minds.

But today we made up for it. We were sitting there watching TV and when an episode ended and another was about to begin Master said He wanted to go fool around. No complaints here.

He actually had to tail His hair today. It's at the length where it's always in His face. Once it gets longer it won't be an issue though.

He sucked and nipped at my tits before chewing on them for a little while. I was stroking His cock as He did so. He asked me if I wanted to be eaten out or to just fuck. I grabbed His cock more firmly, smirked and said I just wanted to fuck.

He forced my legs apart and as He knelt between my legs I reached over and gently pulled His arm over me and slid my grip up to His wrist and placed His hand on my throat. He knew what I needed. He pressed down on my throat and gripped it harder while He rubbed the head of His cock against my slit.

When He forced His cock inside of me He dug His fingers into the side of my neck while applying more pressure. It wasn't long before He ordered me to cum. He told me to either cum or pass out. Yes, His grip was tight enough where all He really had to do was add a tiny bit more pressure and He could have easily made me pass out.

I got off really fucking hard. That kind of shit turns me on and He knows it. He loves that about me.

After telling me to get off a two more times He pulled out, grabbed my ankles and flipped me onto my stomach. He started off by opening my legs wide and tucking His feet under my legs, forcing them farther apart. He would normally have pinned me down by gripping my wrists and leaning over me. But not this time.

He wrapped my hair around His hand and pinned my face to the mattress. I couldn't have moved without ripping hair out. It was a very tight grip. He placed His other hand on my shoulder and proceeded to use me for His pleasure only. I was no longer allowed to cum. He eventually let go of my hair and had me close my legs and cross my legs at the ankles. He placed one hand on my shoulder and the other on my lower back and pumped His cock inside me until He came.

We were both sweating afterward.

We broke the mini drought.

Episode

I know that my medication is not a cure. It's something to help keep me stable. Note the word help. It can't stop everything. It can't make me "normal".

However, it has helped a lot. I haven't had any blow ups or severe depression in a long time. I honestly cannot remember the last time I had either of those. That's not to say I don't dip my toes into those extremes from time to time. Like I said, my medication is not a cure. But it's a world of difference. As much as I was fighting being put on medication due to past experiences, I'm so glad that I was finally willing to give it a shot. I'm a better person with the medication.

Today though, I had a small "episode". Yeah. I guess that is what you would call it.

I had an anxiety/panic attack of sorts. I got to work an hour and a half early. I had slept for shit last night. I think I got at most four hours of broken sleep. I was up and down and tossing and turning. In fact, I got up twice really close to when the alarm was going to go off. One time around 4am and the other around 5am. When the alarm did go off at 5:20am I hadn't really gone back to sleep. I was just laying there with my eyes closed.

Anyway, I was fine until just before my lunch break. I suddenly had this antsy feeling. I went on lunch and went outside. Maybe the fresh air would help. Nope. If anything it made it slightly worse. I was having the kind of anxiety attack where I just wanted to go. It wasn't because of the normal I just don't want to be at work thing. This was I have to get out. I need to go. I started to feel slightly claustrophobic at the thought of going back inside.

My heart was racing on and off. I couldn't calm down all the way. I didn't freak the fuck out or anything. I just felt very, very anxious. I called Master and told Him what was going on. He talked to me and that did help. His voice was calm and He told me to breathe. I was rambling on about a mile a minute and I knew it. I then blurted out that I wanted to leave work early.

Yes, I know.. I'm putting in extra hours and I'm going to leave early? Seriously? But Master agreed that it might be best. After all, it hasn't been that bad in a very long time. I was only going to leave an hour and a half early though. I just had to get through three more hours. That's all I had to do. I calmed down a little bit because I continued to remind myself that I would leave soon and go home.

I felt a lot better on the drive home though. Sometimes going for a drive helps me a lot. So a forty-five minute drive calmed me down. I was still a little wound up when I walked in the door. Master gave me a big hug and I've pretty much just been slowly getting back to normal, or what passes as normal for me, since then.

Hello, I Love You....

I am not talented when it comes to music. I don't know how to play an instrument. I sure in the hell cannot sing. Obviously, that doesn't stop me from trying when I'm by myself or it's just Master and I in the car. But, who doesn't do that? I mean come on now.

A lot of people seem to think that I have an odd taste in music for my age. I'm into rock, hard rock, heavy metal. Okay, so no real big surprise there. Although it does seem like a lot of people my age prefer more rap and boy band shit. *shudders* Anyway, the genre isn't really the surprising part. It's the fact that I prefer a lot of bands that have been around since before I was born or became famous around the same time as I was born. My dad listened to all of it and I love it.

I don't like grunge rock. I don't like punk rock either. I love some newer/newish bands. Disturbed being a prime example. They aren't really new, but they also aren't as old as the bands I'm referring to.

"So shut up and start naming bands damn it!"

Oh. Right. Sorry...

I love Alice Cooper, KISS, The Doors, Ted Nugent. Well, I like Ted Nugent musically... he's gone more and more guano over the years.(King Diamond is another rocking singer... not really along the same vein though and I didn't know about him until after I met Master.)

Basically the bands that were huge in the 70's and 80's. I'm 30 years old. So yeah, that doesn't make a shit ton of sense since my entire teenage years were in the 90's. And normally that's when people find the music they love and it's normally popular when they are that age.

Not me. My friends were listening to New Kids On The Block and Back Street Boys, which I had to suffer through. But then I'd pop in a one of my tapes or CDs and watch them squirm. *laughs*

One thing that I've always loved though is when people find out that I love those kinds of bands and they ask me whether I'm a Pink Floyd fan or Led Zeppelin. It's almost like you can't be a fan of both... The way they put that question. And yes, I've been asked this more than once. Now, while I do like both bands I prefer Led Zeppelin. However, my answer is always The Doors. I've always thought they were better than both Floyd and Led. That answer pisses a lot of people off though, which is funny.

I had a Doors song stuck in my head all fucking day, which is actually what prompted this post.

Useful

Master and I were talking about my blog for a few minutes prior to my doing this post. I had asked Him what I should post about. He said He had no idea. Well, neither do I. So, I asked Him if He still found this blog useful.

It all started off with a hand written journal. We only saw each other twice a week for the first two years of our relationship due to the distance between us. Oh, and He would sleep over one night a month. It sucked, but what are ya gonna do? If You want to make it work you take what you can get and make the best of it. The hand written journal was so He could read what had been on my mind during the rest of the week, when He wasn't there. It gave Him more of an insight. Plus we had just started the dynamic as well as the relationship. We were in the early stages of both.

When we started living together it was still a hand written journal. It wasn't until we were married that it went from a hand written journal to a blog. Part of the reason why is because it's easier for me to do. It's also easier for Him to read. We were running out of room to put the hand written journals too.

Things still come across my mind that deal with the dynamic and my thoughts and feelings. But lately it's been day to day shit, work, and stress.

That's it.

And it sucks. But at the same time there isn't really a lot going on where I need to post about the dynamic itself. When it was all ups and downs before I was medicated it helped us both. A lot actually. But I'm "stable" now and haven't questioned our dynamic since being medicated.

His answer to my question was that He does find it useful when it's about my thoughts and feelings. But when it's the day to day shit, no He does not. And I understand that. Just as I don't really find it useful unless I'm venting, pouring out my thoughts, or writing about really incredible sex. (The sex thing is just so I can mentally relive it...)

Does that mean this blog is coming down? No. Does that mean I'll be posting less? No. Master has not said I can go down from posting every day, so unless He tells me I don't have to post or I ask permission to skip it and He grants it... I'll continue to post everyday.

I hope I stumble onto an interesting topic soon.

For Me

Master always tells me I need to buy things for myself more frequently. Well, I've done rather well this past month on doing that. I bought myself two t-shirts a couple of weeks ago. And then today I bought two things for myself.

I know that buying four things for yourself within the span of a month may not sound like a lot, but for me it really is. I'm always more concerned with getting stuff for Him or stuff for us when we have "spare" money. For Him, it's normally something I know He wants and/or really likes. For us, it's normally a DVD we both want or something along those lines. And by "spare" money I mean money that we don't need to spend on bills, the animals, groceries, gas in the car, or things for the household. You know, basic stuff.

After I got out of work today, I had to run a couple of errands before going home. I had spoken with Master earlier and He asked me to try and find flints for His zippo lighter. They don't sell them at the gas station we always go to. I found that kind of odd honestly. But I had to run to the grocery store to get soda and lighter fluid for the grill. I figured that while I was there, I might as well ask them if they sell any. Nope. Well, son of a bitch.

On the way back home from the grocery store there is a Walgreens. Hey. It's worth a shot and it's not out of my way. So I stopped in and sure as shit they had the damn things. Mission accomplished. Master was very pleased.

Somethings sparked the conversation of how I had promised I would buy myself either a new pair or shorts or a new skirt or a new dress. I have some, but not many and Master wants me to add to that particular section of my wardrobe.

I explained that I would need sandals too because I want some summer dresses that I can comfortable wear out and about and my heels wouldn't really work too well with that. He looked at me as if to say, "And?"

Like I said I'm a bit stingy when it comes to spending money on myself. But, since we didn't have anything really going on I asked Him if He wanted to come with me to the store so I could look at some. He said sure, why the hell not.

We found a dress almost immediately. It is a cute little summer dress. It's black and... get this... has little white skulls all over it. It was right out in front in plain sight. I took it off the rack thinking that it probably wasn't my size, because that's normally how things turn out for me. But it was the exact size I needed! *insert shocked face here* And? It was on sale! So yeah, I bought that. And I also found some sandals! They weren't quite what I had in mind but they are cute and will work just fine. I got Master's approval on both items and He said He liked both.

When we got back home I tried the dress on. (I hate dressing rooms. Unless they are pants, I normally don't try things on at the store. The kind of dress I bought was a small, medium, or large.. not a specific dress size otherwise I would have tried it on prior to buying it.)

Master loves it on me and I love it in general. The sandals are really comfortable as well. I didn't spend as much money as I thought I would, which also makes me happy.

I promised Master that I'll buy another dress or two next month. So while these items were for me.. they are kind of for Him too. *smirks*

Fast Forward

Well.... this weekend fucking flew by. It was a good weekend though. It was a shit ton of running around but it was still a good one. I enjoyed seeing everyone we visited.

Today I slept in later than I intended. Then again, I normally do on Sundays. I just might have to start setting up a late morning alarm so I don't sleep until fucking noon. I mean, it's great to be able to know that I can. But then my whole damn Sunday is gone. For instance, right now I can't believe it's already 7:45pm. And it's not like we did anything to make time fly by. Master has played His video games on and off. I've played Candy Crush on and off. We watched a movie. I had to run to the gas station to put gas in the car so I don't have to do it tomorrow before work.

We put together a grill. My mother had bought a small one as a belated birthday present for Master. It's like a camping sized one basically. But it's a really nice two-tiered design with legs that fold. It took a little longer to put together than we originally thought, but it's awesome. We wanted to use it tonight but it was too damn hot outside to sit right next to a grill. As a result we ended up just getting drive-thru and calling it a day.

Master was kind enough to work on my back after dinner. It feels a lot better now. I was a little crabby because it was just so damn tense. I feel better though. I don't feel grumpy.

It sucks that we all spend most of our lives wanting to hit a fast forward button. We want to fast forward through our work hours so we can go home. We want to fast forward to the weekend so we don't have to deal with work bullshit for two days. We want to fast forward to a vacation, if you are going to be taking one. That's kind of the way I feel now. It's not even Monday morning and I already want to skip this week. It's going to be a long one, I know that already. But after this work week I only have a three day work week thanks to Independence Day. We get the 4th off, which happens to land on a Thursday this year. And since the following day is my half day I just took that off.

*sigh* Where is that damn remote anyway?

Visiting Family

I was right. This weekend has been busy as hell. Yesterday kicked off for me at 6am. I knocked out four and a half hours of work, dropped the passenger in my carpool off and literally pulled up to the apartment building and called Master from my cell phone to let Him know that I was outside. When He said He was on His way I climbed into the passenger seat so He could drive.

Yes, I could have easily just opened the door and then gotten in on the passenger side, but where the hell is the fun in that? I'd much rather climb over the console and plop down in the passenger seat. Plus.. I'm petite and sometimes that comes in handy. That was one of those times.

I was already running 10 minutes late so I was worried about getting there on time. We were already cutting it close before I was running late. On the ride there traffic was damn near bumper to bumper at about the half way point and it stayed that way for most of the rest of the drive. So I called my father-in-law to let him know we were running late.

I hate running late. In some magical way we ended up only being 10 minutes late though. So not too bad. His dad and his two youngest sisters were there. We all had a great time and stayed there for about two to two and a half hours.

After we said goodbye we went home just long enough for us to take the dog out and feed him. We headed right back out. We went down to my dad's and had a really good time there too. We took more pictures of his stuff for eBay and then hung out for a while. We stayed about three hours.

We got home right around 9pm. The rest of the night was spend just relaxing and then of course fucking. We ended up going to sleep around 1:30am which is rather early for us on a Friday.

Today I went down to see my mom. Master was going to come with but He was not feeling well at all this morning due to His allergies seriously messing with Him. So I went down by myself. She had a surprise for Master though. As a late birthday present she got us a new small charcoal grill. By small I mean something a little bigger than a camping grill. We don't have a need for a regular sized grill since we only ever use it for the two of us. I hope that at some point this summer my brother will come up for a weekend and we can cook out then too though. I think that would be fun.

I had a lot of fun with my mom. We talked and did some errands. I only stayed until about 2pm though because she had to do some last minute things. She said she felt bad because she felt like she was kicking me out but I told her I completely understood. Things pop up last minute and this had popped up while I was already on my way down there. I reassured her that I wasn't mad or anything like that.

After I got home we went to the video game store and then picked up some dinner. After we were done eating I ended up taking a nap on the couch half way through a movie. I got too comfortable and apparently was tired. *shrugs* But it's only 9:30pm and we don't have anything important to do tomorrow so it's not like we can't stay up later than usual.