Baby Steps

I'm sure all of you, who are regular readers, know that I'm a carpool for work. And he is constantly, and I do mean constantly, complaining about his wife. The funny thing is that he's been with his wife longer than Master and I have been together. However, we've been living together longer and married longer.

Master and I have been together for 10 years, living together for 8 years, and married for 6 years. It's nice two year increments leading up to our marriage. We were both madly in love and we knew where it was going before we starting living together but we still wanted to make sure we could live together for an extended period of time and still stand each other. *laughs* We wanted to baby step it. And here we are, still very much in love.

Now, please keep in mind that I only know so much about the relationship of this guy because he tells me. He has gone through the story so many damn times since I started driving the carpool about two years ago. So, they have been together 15 years, on and off. They only lived together for less than a year before they got married. They have been married for 3 years. Like I said, he talks about it a lot. I do not care. At all. But when you are sitting in a car 45 minutes one way you don't really have a way to get away from it. So I just let him ramble on.

Yesterday came another time where he started bitching about his wife. In the back of my head I honestly think part of the problem with his marriage is that they were on again off again. To me, you can't just total it all up. If you had breaks, regardless of the length of time, you can't start it back up and just total up the years as if you were together the whole time. It's just not how it works in my opinion. I also think another part of their problem is that they only lived together for 6 months before they got married. Again, in my opinion, that isn't long enough to find out if you can live together for an extended period of time. You're still in the "honeymoon" period of living with one another.

Yes, I'm going somewhere with this. So here we go..

Yesterday he started asking about my relationship/marriage in between his complaints of his relationship/marriage. So he would bitch and then ask me a question as if he was comparing the two. No worries, as long as he doesn't get too damn deep about it. He was mainly talking time lines.

So I told him. Master and I have never "broken up". Ever. We had some rough stops. We had some very rough spots. But we stood by one another no matter what it was that we were facing. The point is that we faced it together. Some things happened that would probably tear a lot of relationships into a million pieces and would never be able to be glued back together. The pieces never happened. There were no pieces. Nothing even caused a tear. It worked things kind of thin but that didn't even matter. We came back stronger than ever. The things that we have gone through make us what we are today. So, while we went through some heavy shit, we wouldn't be the couple we are today if they had never happened.

He was actually surprised we never broke up or thought about divorce. I mean his jaw literally dropped. I thought that was fucked up. It was like he thought that wasn't even possible.

So then he asked how long we lived together before we got married. I explained the 2 years and why. He then proceeded to state that they only lived together for 6 months because she was Catholic and as a result felt it was inappropriate to live together prior to being engaged. So apparently they were only engaged for 6 months. Here we go into my opinion again.. that's not long enough. You don't give it time to grow before you throw yourself into a highly serious commitment. Don't get me wrong. Boyfriend and girlfriend is serious. Being engaged is also serious. But when you put that ring on your finger that level of commitment amps up a lot.

Not all marriages work and I totally understand that. Sometimes, at some point, you may fall out of love. Or sometimes you just find out that it was a mistake and should have never gone there in the first place. There are many reasons why a marriage doesn't work and I respect that. But I do think just diving in head first without giving yourself and your partner time to wrap you head around it and thinking it out is a lot of the problem. Especially when the couple hasn't been married for very long and you want out.

Basically what it boiled down to is it seemed like he wished he had worked it much like Master and I had. He thought that if he had done that with wife one of two things would have happened. One, his marriage would be healthier or two, he never would have married her in the first place.

Conversations like this, regardless of who they are with, always make me so grateful that Master and I have the kind of relationship/marriage that we do, and that's with leaving the kink out.

See, that's the other thing. I feel that if a relationship is going to be really strong and long lasting there has to be a leader. Not necessarily a kink based leader, but I do think someone has to take charge. If you have both people trying to take the lead it is just going to cause friction and possibly resentment. And it's only a matter of time before that friction blows up. And then you have to try and fix it after the explosion. You may not be able to fix it or if you do there is going to be a lot of wounds being licked and a lot of duct tape trying to hold it together.

We don't have duct tape. We don't have glue. We have built certain parts back up but the wall was never knocked down.

Disrespect

Today was rough. Master had allowed me to stay up a little late last night, which I appreciated. And He used me before I had to drift off to sleep. That isn't why today was rough. Today was rough because it's a fucking Monday. On top of that the work day went by slow as shit and the passenger in my carpool was a whiny little bitch boy.

He was bitchy for several reasons. One of them was because of work shit. I may whine on this blog about my job and I'll whine to Master. But other than that, I don't. To me, it is acceptable to whine on this blog. It's my blog after all and Master has told me to use it to vent if I need to. And for the past week or so I have definitely felt that need.With Master I can whine to Him about such things because He is my Master and my Husband. He is my sounding board just as much as I am His.

Bitching to anyone else aside from maybe my mother from time to time just seems... I honestly can't even put my finger on the word I want to use here. Annoying. Irritating. Stupid. I have no idea. All I do know is that I would feel like an annoying whiner if I went to everyone bitching about how work is treating me.

The other reason he was a whiny little bitch boy is because he was supposed to quit smoking cigarettes before he married his now wife. That was three years ago. (I know this because we were in a different carpool at the time and he told everyone in the carpool.) Well, he didn't. He only smokes at work now, but he didn't quit like he had promised his wife.

So, anyway, she has now paid off two of their credit cards and cut them up as apparently they are trying to cut their bills down. But, as a result, it's extremely difficult for him to sneak two packs of cigs a week under her nose financially. So he was whining about that. To me, he is getting what he deserves. He had made a promise and she had said she wouldn't marry him until he quit smoking. They've been married for three years and he is still doing it. That's just disrespectful to me. And I don't even like his wife. I've met her. She's a fucking snob. But that's still disrespectful.

I know Master is in charge. There is no doubt about that. But I couldn't tell you how hurt I would be if He had promised me that he would stop doing something and then I found out that in fact He had continued to do it behind my back for years. It would be painful for me. Just because we have the dynamic we have doesn't mean I don't expect Him to keep His promises. The serious ones. Not, "I'm sorry babe I know I promised I would run to the store but I forgot." That's day to day shit. I mean serious stuff. And making a promise like described above, that's serious shit.

I don't know why I'm rambling about this. I guess that I just really can't stand if when someone is being disrespectful to their spouse. Another good example is BC. He disrespects his wife in different ways. Like making it visible when he starts following some kink related group, which both Master and I know that she isn't in to.

I don't like HC, his wife. Not even a little bit. But it's still makes that, "Dude... Really? That's not right." reaction kick up in me a little.

Decision Made

Well, the decision of whether or not to go into work today once our car was done was made for me. They had originally told me the car would be ready by noon. So, last night I had made the decision that if I got the car before noon I would go into work. After that, it would be up in the air depending on the time.

Noon came and went, so I called the shop. Apparently they were waiting to get the car back from the realignment place they had sent her to. Oh. Okay.  At least it was an answer. But then 2pm started to creep around so I called again. They told me that they had just sent someone to go pick her up because they had just gotten the call that she was ready. They then told me to stand in front of our place in about 15 minutes so someone could pick me up and bring me to the shop.

Well, it took longer than 15 minutes for them to get here. Not because of anything they did but because there was an accident on a major street between the shop and our place. The lady who had given me a ride yesterday is the one who picked me up today.

I got there and they apologized a few times about it being so much later than they had quoted but apparently the place they had sent her to for the realignment had been backed up quite a bit, which meant they had to wait on them which meant I was waiting as well.

I wasn't mad or anything. You can't rush car repairs. Well, you can but it's never a good idea to do so. Since I didn't actually get the car back until about 2:30pm I had decided to just not go to work today. It didn't make much sense to really.

On the way home I stopped at the gas station and put gas in her. I also got Master a cup of coffee. We were out and needed to go grocery shopping but since He hadn't had any coffee yet today He was dragging ass. So I figured getting Him a cup of coffee from the gas station would be a good idea.

She drove wonderfully. Although now that her steering is fixed and her alignment has been done her steering is a lot more sensitive, so I'll have to get use to that. I stopped and gave Master His coffee. We had a couple of errands to run so He had some of His coffee in order to get Himself online and then brought it with Him as we headed out the door about 20 minutes later.

We went to the pet store and grocery shopping and came right back home. Master drove that time and He agreed that she handles a lot better. When we got home we ate dinner and watched a movie. For whatever reason I passed out on the couch, which means sleeping tonight will be fun seeing as I only got up about a half hour ago and that was only because Master decided my nap had been long enough.

I'm not looking forward to working this Saturday, but I don't really have a choice in the matter. I'm just glad the car is home and is fixed.

Ups & Downs

I have been trying to stay away from stress and work posts. I really, really have. But right now, I just need to get this one out of my head and onto a screen. 

This weekend has had it's ups and downs. Friday was all over the fucking place. Yesterday was relaxing. Today? Again, all over the place. Nothing really happened today honestly, to make it go up and down. It's simply the fact that we allowed ourselves to realize how much some of the car repairs are going to cost us. She needs a couple more things done right now. However, they have to be put off until we have the funds up.

Which means, not right now. Which also means we'll be taking it as easy on the car as we can. However, I still have to take her to and from work. Work is a forty-five minute drive one way. Nothing like putting a shit ton more wear and tear on your car when you know shit needs to be done on it.

I've already had a talk with the passenger in my carpool about chipping more in for gas before, right after a different repair was done. I wasn't trying to charge him for the fix on my car, honestly. But when we were all carpooling with a different person the amount she was charging included gas and extra wear and tear on the vehicle. She then told us what she thought was fair. So we paid it.

Well, what dude is paying me right now isn't even covering half the gas most of the time. If gas prices dip for a little while, then yes. It's about half. But since gas prices have been where they are for a while now, it's not even half. So I had asked for an extra $5 a week. He said he couldn't swing it. Trust me, I understand tight finances. I truly do. But then don't come back around and tell me you and your wife are going on a two week vacation in Florida.

I'm stuck though. I could cut him from the carpool entirely, and have it just be me, but then I don't have any help what so ever with gas. I'd rather have something than nothing I guess is the way to put it. And if I pressure him again I have a feeling he'll just find a different way to and from work even though I never can.

I've been applying to different jobs, looking for ones closer to home or at least on a bus route so I don't have to keep taking the car every single day but no call backs yet. Well, I take that back. I've had responses from fly by night companies and commission only jobs. There were one or two legit hourly pay jobs contact me but they are further out than what my current job is, so what sense does that make? None.

So right now, we save up and get it done as soon as we can and cross our fingers until then.

Small Rant

Today I woke up with a small headache at the base of my neck. Okay, whatever. I'll just pop a couple of aspirin and it'll go away before lunch. Apparently, I was wrong about that though.

As soon as I got under those damn florescent lights my headache got worse. It was no longer just at the back of my neck. It was wrapping around to my temples like a vice grip. This also caused my eyes to hurt. And when the migraine gets to that point my eyes become light sensitive. And I sit right below a string of those fucking florescent lights. I was started to consider going home. I was starting to feel a little sick to my stomach from the pain in my head. But I pushed it off. Maybe I'll feel better after my lunch break. I can go outside and get out from under those lights. Plus, I could wear my sunglasses. Not to mention some fresh air might help.

But it didn't take long into my lunch break for me to realize that the aspirin wasn't kicking in at all. Never mind I had already popped more shortly into getting to work. The fresh air felt good and my eyes didn't hurt nearly as much being outside with sunglasses. But that ick feeling in my stomach wasn't going away and the throbbing in my head wasn't slacking off either.

I tried to call Master but He didn't pick up. So I sent him a text message to let Him know how I was feeling and that I would be leaving early. I didn't even ask the passenger in my carpool whether or not he wanted to leave. I just simply sent him an e-mail saying that I was leaving two hours early and if he wanted to I would still drop him off.

Normally I ask him and base my decision on that. Why? Well, gas money is a large part of it. If I don't give him the ride then I don't get part of that gas money, obviously. The other part is because I am trying to be a nice person so he doesn't have to scramble to find a different way home.

But honestly, I am getting sick of the whole carpool bullshit. I hate having to work around his schedule/preferences. For instance, if I want to/need to go into work early I have to hold back because he doesn't want to leave that early. That's when the whole, well I need the gas money thing comes into play.

I have talked to both my mom and Master about it and they both understand that I need the gas money but they also see how frustrated I'm getting now that I'm swamped and am staying swamped. I don't know. It's not really feasible to drop him yet simply because gas is so expensive. I could try to find a way to make sure I can cover what he would normally give me, but I'm not sure yet.

Anyway, I dropped him off and then dropped off our rent check since it was on the way home. By the time I got home I just felt shitty as hell. Master asked me what I wanted to do and I said I didn't really care. I think He had a feeling that I would pass out at some point so He just started playing His video game. I wrapped myself in my throw blanket to get comfortable and then the dog and I both took a long nap on the couch. It's a good thing we can both fit on it. It helps that I'm petite as he is a pretty big dog.

Master woke me up right before He started cooking dinner. It felt a lot better, especially after I ate. My headache is gone now. There is still tension in my neck and shoulders. That's part of my problem is that if I feel pain in one area of my body it doesn't take long for it to settle in my "usual" areas. That would be my neck, shoulders and lower back.

Mother. Fucker.

Today started as any other work day would. I got up when the alarm went off. I got ready for the day and then got dressed. I left Master His usual morning note of how my mood is and then I took the dog out. Once I got the dog back inside I sent a text message to the passenger in my carpool to let him know that I was leaving so that he would be ready by the time I pulled up to his house.

After that? Things went south fast. And I mean fast. I got the in the car and started her up. No problem. I'm driving over to his place, which is literally five minutes away, and the car seems to be riding rough. Not just a little rough, but rough. And then out of no where the check engine light comes on with a loud beep and I'm staring down at it like what the fuck?!

Thankfully I wasn't far from his house so I pulled up, parked, and turned the car off. He gets in the car and says something I can't believe... "Wow. Your car is quiet."

I think I stared at him blankly for a good five seconds before I told him that the car was off. He of course asked me why and I told him what had happened. He asked me if he thought we could still make it to work. I said most likely not, no. It wasn't just the check engine light had come on. It's how the car was acting right before it went off.

So, he asked me if we could at least try. I said I would go a very short distance to see whether or not I felt comfortable. It took me less than four blocks to say no. I'm not going in today. I apologized to him and he said he understood, it's car troubles, etc. and so on. What floored me though was that while I was very carefully driving him back to his house he is on the phone with someone else to find a ride and in less than five minutes had found one.

Back when a different person was doing all the driving for the carpool there were of course times when she would at the last minute say no, she isn't going in. Well, it would almost always happen to be when I could either not take the car or did not have access to the car. So I would call him and ask him to let me know if he finds a way to work because I had no way of getting out there. He would say sure and then the next day I would find out that he just so happened to get a ride out there and back and just didn't tell me about it. That would piss me off. I took him on in my tiny carpool just because of the price of gas and it helps me with the gas costs. Other wise I would just go out there and back by myself. Aside from money, there is no joy in me taking him to and from work. He's not an asshole but shit like that just floors me and pisses me off.

Anyway, I again very carefully drive the car home and park her. I get back into the apartment and look up what time my mechanic opens. He didn't open until 8am, so I had to wait with knots in my stomach. I call as soon as the clock turns to 8am and the soonest they could get me in was noon. Fuck. But, I was lucky they could squeeze me in at all, so I was disappointed, anxious, and thankful all at the same time.

Master woke up about an hour after I got off the phone. He is on an almost entirely different schedule as me, so He wakes up later obviously. I didn't see the sense in waking Him up right away because there was nothing to do right then and there.

I tell Him everything and He gets knots in His stomach as well. Nothing but this sense of anxiety and dread all rolled into one. Finally it came time for me to leave and take the car to the mechanic. Master stayed home as we didn't both have to be there and I know more about cars than He does. So He prefers that I handle it. Makes sense and I agree with it.

I get down there and my car is throwing three codes. All of them involving my transmission. Oh joy. They referred me to a transmission specialist that they highly recommended. I was nervous enough driving the car from home to the mechanic's shop and now I have to drive her further? *sigh* So I do. I didn't speed up at all. I was slow as fuck actually.

Finally I get there and she couldn't fit me in until 2pm. Again, thankful that she could fit me in at all but I got there at 1pm so I still wouldn't know what was what for a while yet. I call Master to update Him and then I played the waiting game.

The verdict comes back. There was rather high minimum amount for what needs to be done. And to find out if one of the problems is what they think it is they have to take apart the transmission to get to it. So they needed a down payment on it right then and there. I did not have the money that kind of money right then and there. I asked if it would be safe for me to drive the car home and come back once I had scraped the money together. She said that unfortunately that would be very risky. I could blow the whole damn transmission. Fuck! I am so glad I didn't push to go to work. I would have been stranded on the interstate or stuck in the parking lot at work. I don't even want to think about how much that tow truck ride would have cost.

I asked if I could keep the car there overnight. She said yes and that there would be no charge for it. Well thank fuck for that. Now my only problem was finding a way home. We only have that one car so Master couldn't come get me. I called our friend at least three times. He didn't answer. So I called his wife about three times as well. No answer. I call one of our neighbors that is a friend three times and no answer. Finally our friend's wife called me back and asked what was up. I told her and unfortunately because her job is so new she couldn't leave early and her husband was at work and couldn't be reached. I had no cash for a bus and no ATM near by. I called a taxi service and the prices they wanted were astronomical. I have never used a taxi in my life and now I see why. Based on that cost alone I figured that would be my last ditch effort. I was sitting there, slightly frantic, trying to think of who else I could call. And then, suddenly, my phone rang and it was our neighbor. She had turned off her cell phone and had forgotten to turn it back on.

She was more than happy to come pick me up. Master met her in the parking lot for the apartment complex and they picked me up. Yay! Master had already explained what was going on so I didn't have to go through all that. She did tell me that if I needed a ride at all for the next couple of days to just let her know because she had nothing going on. She is so sweet.

I got home around 5pm. It has been a long and hellish day.

After a lot of talking and brain storming we have the amount of money it should cost to fix the car. So tomorrow I'm going to call the shop and ask if they can take the down payment over the phone with the card. Hopefully they say yes because then I don't have to sit there the whole time and they can start on it as soon as possible. If not, well then I guess I'm just going to have to ask my neighbor to get me out there as soon as she could and then sit there until it's all done. Either way I'm nervous about it and hoping that the amount they quoted me for what they think is wrong is correct. I have some cushion but still... Fingers crossed.

Shut Up Already

Yes, another carpool post. Mainly because that is what has been on my mind all fucking day. It didn't help that I was bored as hell once again and so I had little else to think about. I even called up Master today while I was at work and rambled on about this. He didn't really have anything to say, because there is nothing to say. But I vented and rambled until I had to get off the phone. So I thought rather than continue to chew His ear off about it, I'll just post and get it all out on my blog.

Even though the driver of the carpool is not moving as far away as she originally thought, in fact she's only going to be about 15 minutes away, she still does not want to do the carpool anymore. I can't say that I blame her or that I'm angry, but it's still irritating. Yes, I know it's her decision and her car, but it doesn't mean I look forward to taking over the carpool. Or at least what is left of it.

The driver of the carpool as it stands is of course just going to be taking herself to work. One of the guys in the carpool is no longer going to need a ride as of the last week of this month as he is joining a different carpool that is closer to his place. Okay fine.

So I ask the last person in the carpool if he is going to be carpooling with me and his answer? "Probably."

Probably doesn't help me figure this out. And now that I think about it I don't see how else he would get out to work and back. There is no bus out there and his wife won't take him back and forth. So, yeah.

But I was planning on splitting the gas money three ways. Now it's down to two. Half and half. And that's even if he does decide to carpool with me. Half or full it's not going to be cheap getting to and from work. Not cheap at all.

When my job first moved out there I was worried, but hadn't been there very long so I stayed. Plus, I had joined the carpool I'm in now. But now with the thought of having to pay that much money out for gas my paycheck isn't going to be all that grand. And it's not just the gas money, it's the wear and tear on the vehicle, more oil changes, etc. I don't want to run our car into the ground. So, as I've said in a previous post, I am totally going to be looking for a different job.I'm just going to take it more seriously now. But it has to be extremely similar pay, good benefits and all that fun stuff. Basically I can't just hop at a job just because it's closer to home. I have to play this very carefully. This is the first time, ever, that I haven't had to hop jobs or could jump somewhat blindly. I've never been fired from a job. But in the past whenever I changed jobs it was for better pay or in my last job's case I needed to get the fuck out of there because they were being bought out and doing mass firings.

Either way I'm scared. I'll totally admit that. I'm scared to hop jobs simply because there is so much to take into account not to mention being low man on the pole again. However I'm more scared of running the car into the ground if I stay where I am. Getting a newer car just isn't in the cards right now. We need that car and I love that car.

Back To Reality

Today is the last day of my six day "vacation". It wasn't really a vacation as we didn't go anywhere but that's fine with me. I just wanted an extended break and to get extra time with my Husband that I normally wouldn't have. And I must say it's been wonderful. I'm actually kind of sad that I have to go back to work tomorrow. It's not just because I have to go back to work, it's knowing that everything has to go back to normal. Only getting things done once I get home from work, having to only see Master from 5:30pm to 11pm which is when I get to go to bed, having to wait five days to get more time with Him and to visit people I want to visit, etc and so on.

I do have to say that we got a lot done during those six days off though. Nothing big, but some small things that have been put off. Today I did Master's laundry and we relaxed in the apartment. Shortly after dinner we went to sit outside. We didn't stay too late though. I think we came in at 8:30pm.

Also, during these six days off I've done a lot of thinking about this whole job/carpool thing. I used one of those gas calculator things and damn is that going to be expensive, even with the other two chipping in. Plus I already know that they aren't going to like what I'll be charging them. On top of that when I don't have to take them to work and I still have to go in, then I have to pay that gas myself. Add to the fact that our car is a bit older and all that I don't want to run her into the ground by driving out to work and back every day, five days a week. That's going to put miles on her rather quickly. Which also means that I'll have to have more oil changes... well you get the picture.

So I told Master today that I'm going to have to start looking for a new job. In a way it pisses me off because I'm good at my job and it's a good job with good benefits. In a way it makes me nervous and scared because I need to make what I'm making now, or at least extremely close to it. I can't afford a pay cut. Also, is the new insurance going to be more expensive? How long do I have to wait before it kicks in? Ugh! I absolutely hate this. I know that she wasn't going to be doing the carpool forever but a little more warning would have been nice. She kept going back and forth on it and then put in a 60 day notice with her apartment (she has to be out by August 1st) and waited until last week to tell me that she is ending the carpool the last week of this month. If she had been more serious in her talks about moving, given me more notice and given a better time frame I would have been more serious about looking for a new job quite some time ago. But for the longest time it sounded like she wasn't going to move anymore. That is until last week.

I didn't bother looking for a new job this past week because I was still figuring out how I wanted to handle this. I've decided.

It's a good thing I know Master is on board either way.

Carpool Decisions

Yes, this post is about work. Yes, you can skip it if you want. And yes, I did say I wouldn't post very much about work but this time I just need to. So there.

For a while now the driver of our carpool has been talking about the possibility of moving. She said that if/when she moves she won't be doing the carpool anymore as she wouldn't be living in this city anymore. Well, we knew that if/when this happened I would have to take our car. One of the other people in the carpool doesn't own a car. The other person in our carpool isn't "allowed" to take his car as he shares it with his wife and apparently she bought it not that long ago and only put her name on it. As a result, she controls it. So he technically doesn't have a car either.

Well today she told me that she will not be doing the carpool any long as of the end of this month. So the week of the 30th I will have to take over the carpool.

I don't have many options. I know I could just take the car and not take the other two people to work. But then I'm stuck footing the entire bill as far as gas in the car goes. And trust me, it's not going to be cheap as our car doesn't get that great of gas mileage. And buying a newer car right now is pretty much out of the question.

So realistically my options are as follows:
Take the car and only drive myself.

1.  Take the car and only drive myself.
2. Take the car and take the other people to work as well.
3. Try and find a job closer to home.

Taking the car and only driving myself would be easiest as far as just going to work and coming back home and not worrying about taking other people home or picking anyone up. But again, I'd be paying all the gas in the car.

With the second option I would at least get some gas money. Although, I have a feeling when I tell them what I'd be "charging" to play taxi they may not like it. It's going to be more than what the current driver of the carpool charges every month because her car got better gas mileage and she had three other people helping rather than just two. One of the people in the carpool recently moved and it's a little bit of a haul. It isn't a lot really but it takes at least 15 minutes to get down there and then have to double back to get onto the interstate because the on ramps down there are closed due to ongoing construction. They've been closed for at least three months now. So I could cut him out of the carpool but then I get less gas money per month. 

The third option is tempting as I would love a job closer to home. But it's hard trying to find a job that is not only closer to home but pays equal to what I'm making now and I literally just got that raise. And it would have to have good benefits as well.  And what happens if there is a waiting period to get on their insurance? Lets say I have to wait 90 days before I can join up on that. How do I get my medication without paying a shitload? Not to mention it's rough starting off from the beginning again. I've got three years in where I'm at now. Going back to being low man on the pole wouldn't be easy. It'd be rather frustrating actually.

So now I have about three weeks to figure out exactly what I'm going to do. If anything I'll start off doing the carpool either with or without that second person. As that goes I may start to figure out whether or not it's even worth the pay I'm getting to drive there and back every day. At that point I would know whether or not I should start looking for a new job.

That's the only thing I can think of doing that makes sense right now.

Venting About Work

I'll warn you ahead of time, this post is about work. I've been trying to stay away from the subject but today I just need to vent a little bit about it.

Okay so first, I've been waiting for my review for almost four months now. With that review will come a cost of living raise. I want that raise and I want it now. I know there are a lot of people without jobs and some people with jobs don't get raises. I understand that and I shouldn't bitch. But I do have a job and I have a job where raises are given. So, I'm just venting. They will back date the pay raise, which is nice in one way because the check immediately after my review will be larger. The down side to that is more taxes will come out than usual. I have a feeling I'll pretty much break even on that one. I hate it when reviews are late. I can understand a month but come on now. I go to work. I'm on time. I do my job. I go above and beyond. Give. Me. My. Review.

The second thing is another policy change as to how we handle things. This time it's client wide. This makes it a bit easier because I don't have to worry if this or that client goes with that policy or not. The down side is that it's not just for new referrals. It's for current ones  as well. And with what it effects it makes going back and placing that policy in will be difficult.

Thirdly, the driver of the carpool had talked about moving a while back. Then she said that it might not happen. As a result I severely slacked off on my hunt for a new job. My job is not horrible. I may complain, but it doesn't matter what job you have.. you complain about something. However, I know what my insurance is and what my co-pays are. I've been there a little over three years now and it's going to suck starting from square one again.

But today she told us that it was definitely going through. She's been collecting boxes from work to pack with. I guess her and the two friends she is moving in with have started a group bank account so they can start saving up for the move.

So, now I'm going to be starting my job hunt again. She said that they'll start seriously looking in August. So I have a little time.

Yes, I could stay at my job and just take my car with the two other people in the carpool. One of them doesn't have a car or a license. The other has one car between him and his wife and he says it's "her" car. In other words he isn't "allowed" to take it to go to work. His wife doesn't want to take a bus and won't drop us off at work. I know how difficult it is to have only one car. That's all we have. But it would be nice if she were at least willing to drop us off and pick us up from time to time.

And yes, the other two people in the carpool would be helping out with gas. But it's not just the extra gas money I'm worried about. We only have the one car and I don't want to run her into the ground. She's 11 years old, which isn't that old and she has just under 100,000 miles on her. So it's not like I'm driving a POS or anything. But my job is 45 minutes one way. So that would be 90 miles a day, five days a week.

Since she is our only car I worry about putting that much mileage on her. I'd rather have a job closer to home. I already talked to Master about it and He agreed with me.

Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget that Master and I aren't your "traditional" married couple. And for once, I'm not referring to our dynamic.

I was the driver of the carpool today since the normal driver is out of town until next Tuesday. So, I picked up the guy who is in our carpool and we went to work. On the way there we didn't talk much. But then on the way home someone had apparently put a quarter in him right before he clocked out. He just kept going on and on about whatever. Eventually we came to the topic of "Have you seen any good movies lately?" That then turned into my rant about that horrible, horrible movie I posted about last night. He looked at me and said, "I've never really gotten into Hellraiser. I didn't think they were scary at all."

I told him that I don't find them scary so much as I find them interesting and entertaining. He claims to be a horror movie guy. He has said that over and over again especially around Halloween. But he's never really said what kind of horror movies.

So I decided to go through the list.

Pinhead? No.
Freddy? No.
Jason? No.
Michael? No.
Pumpkin Head? Kind of. 

So I was sitting there thinking to myself how can you be a huge horror movie fan if you don't at least like any of those series?  So I asked what kind of horror movies he does like. His answer? Paranormal Activity. Um, first off, I hate handy cam movies. Secondly, that is not a "type" of horror movie. That is trinity of movies.

He said he likes to keep his mind open about movies. Well, that's all well and good but I don't really see how that works. You named three movies in a horror type setting. But... you're a huge horror movie fan. Right.

So then the topic changed to video games. I told him that Master and I have been playing Soul Calibur 5. He looked at me like I had slapped his mother. "You mean you play too?!"

Um. Yes. Yes, I do.

He then proceeded to tell me that his wife literally gives him a time limit on his video games. He gets two hours a day, including weekends, and then he has to turn it off. Apparently she is your mother, not your wife. For a moment I thought maybe they were in some kind of weird dynamic but no. He just bitched and bitched about it because then he has to go spend time with her.

Sometimes I forget that not a lot of married couples will sit down and trash talk while kicking each others asses in a video game and pause to high five each other before the next match starts. I forget that not a lot of married couples will sit and watch porn just to make fun of it. I forget that not a lot of married couples just want to hang out with one another. We are the only couple I know, married or not, that are actually best friends and not just saying that because they are together. They want time apart and they want a lot of it. Us? We prefer time together. We don't like being apart. We've been together for nine years and we're still that way. I don't think it'll change as time continues to pass.

It just all seems so normal to me, much like our dynamic, because that's just the way we are and we've been doing it all so long that it doesn't even make me bat an eyelash. Then you talk to other couples, or at least one person within that couple, and you realize that you really are kind of the odd ones out.

But I like being odd. So being odd with Master suites me just fine.

Not Much Longer

Well, it's almost March. March is a busy month. My birthday, our anniversary and my work anniversary. And to add to that list, I'll be looking for a new job in about three weeks.

Master and I have been talking about this for a while. And now that it's so close it's kind of irritating. I want to look but I can't because if I find something and want to apply for it, I won't have the time to take off of work if I get called in for an interview. I'm not saying all that would happen right away, but I'd rather play it safe and wait for my time to renew at work before I go ahead and start tossing out applications.

And when I saw gas prices on the way home from work today I am even more convinced that I need a job closer to home and preferably on a bus route. I know damn well that if the driver of the carpool leaves and gas prices stay where they are or go up, it's not going to make sense to drive out to that job. Basically the gas money would cut too much into other things not to mention more wear and tear on the car.

Fuck that noise.

Not to mention the fact that the driver of the carpool will most likely be upping how much she wants a month for gas. But then, when she takes off and I don't I'll have to put money in our gas tank as well. That's not a good thing.

Master, thankfully, agrees with me on this whole new job thing and is encouraging me to do so when the time comes. It's not that I hate my job or anything. It's annoying as hell lately, but I don't hate it.

If they would have stayed where they were when I first started with them I wouldn't even be thinking about leaving. They were on a bus line at that time. Now? Nope. No buses. *sigh*

I'm glad Master has my back on this. Then again, He always does.

The Early Bird...

.. gets extremely cranky, and says "Fuck the worm."

For those of you who have been reading my blog for a while, you know that I not a morning person. Not even a little bit.

As long as I've been at my current job I've been getting up somewhere between 6am and 6:10am. It sucks, but I can do it and be okay.

Well last week MZ, the driver in my carpool to and from work, said that her department is on mandatory overtime starting this week. So this week she was just going to go in on Saturday and call it done. Next week she wouldn't be able to do that because she is going out of town for the weekend, and so wanted to either stay late, or start early that week. Eventually we all decided that starting early would be easier, because who the hell wants to stay past the time you know you normally clock out at. So okay, I knew next week was going to suck ass.

Today she sent us an e-mail stating that she had changed her mind. She didn't want to come in this weekend either. Instead she wants to come to work early this week as well. Fuck.

With little to no warning, that really sucks.

So starting tomorrow I'll be getting up at 5:30am for the rest of this week, and all of next week. Blah.

It doesn't sound like much of a difference, I mean it is only a half hour. But that's a half hour of sleep I could really use. So blah blah blah, and blah some more.

I wouldn't care as much if I could clock in when we got there and get some overtime as well. But nope. I'm still in my probationary period in my new position, so I can't do overtime without approval. And guess what? My supervisor is out of the office. On top of that, I don't think he's going to approve it for an hour each day. I know, that whole getting up only a half hour early shouldn't equal getting to work an hour sooner, but it does because of the lack of traffic. The traffic is kind of nasty on the way to work at the hour we normally leave. You take that away and it's like we get to work in no time flat.

I mean yes my department is busy right now, but not 5+ hours extra for the newbie type busy.

So that sucks.

Plus I'm going to be tired as hell by the time I get home from work, which means I'll probably be passing out on the couch sooner each night, which means less time with my Husband, which also sucks.

I can't just take our car because that means two things: 1) More gas out of our gas tank, which doesn't make any sense just so I can sleep an extra half hour. and 2) Master is hoping to hear back about His potential job this week and He'll need the car.

I like my carpool. I do. It makes my life easier most of the time. But this sucks. I don't really think it's the loss of sleep that's really bothering me. It's the whole being at work longer and not being able to pad the paycheck a little that is ticking me off.