I Belong To Him

Back in January Master and I had to retire my collar. It is now towards the end of April. I have gotten more used to it. Part of the reason, I feel, is because I can still wear my cuff. Thankfully my skin has not reacted to it at all. I think in part it is because the cuff is not as old as the collar and secondly the screw never really touches my skin. On my collar I always positioned it so that the screw was to one side. That side is the one that eventually caused my nickel allergy to act up. Well, that's where it was the worst anyway. The other side had a small reaction as well.

But there are times where I am very aware that it's not there any longer. I mean obviously I don't feel it anymore and I can touch all of my neck. I don't really react to that part anymore. I can touch my neck and not feel a twinge of sadness.

But yesterday was a good example of it sometimes becoming very apparent that I no longer can wear my collar.

Master and I were in the bedroom and He had just finished fucking me. I had been allowed to get off several times and He wanted me to finish Him with my mouth. So He knelt up and grabbed my neck to get me to move. He used to just grab my collar and pull me by it. Right then I felt that twinge for a few seconds. I didn't get upset or anything it was just that brief moment and I snapped out of it quickly and sucked His cock just the way He likes it and was rewarded by His cum being shot down my throat.

Trust me, the man has very big hands. He has absolutely no problem grabbing me by the neck and making me do what He wants me to do. He is still manhandling me and basically not giving me any other option but to do what He wants me to do.

He can grab my neck, He can grab my hair, He can do anything He wants and/or needs to do to physically make me obey, even if I am not resisting and He just feels like doing so.

But He used to grab my collar a lot. He found it very amusing that He could just grab my collar and force me head up or down, back and forth.

I think He misses it sometimes too.

But a collar does not make me submissive to Him. My cuff doesn't do that either. It's just what I am and what I do. That doesn't mean I can't miss it though. Having some kind of fabric collar/choker has crossed my mind. But then I would run into the problems of how it attaches. For example, if it has metal or then what is the metal made of. Why fabric? Well, Master and I thought that a new metal collar would be too "out of place" when I'm looking for a new job or get into another office enviroment. So would a leather one, which I also used to wear before the metal one became my permanent collar. I think in part, that is why I felt so sad when it had to come off. I couldn't wear it on my days off or when I came home even. I had built it up in my mind that I would always be able to wear it at some point. Maybe not every day, but sometimes.

A fabric one would just basically be something I would wear to make me feel better and would still be a symbol. The other problem with a fabric one is that He wouldn't be able to yank me around with it. And again with the leather the problem would be how it would fasten. Most are metal. I hate having a nickel allergy.

Do I need a symbol? No. I am His no matter what I am or am not wearing. One day the cuff may have to come off as well.

But there is one symbol that will never be off permanently. My wedding ring. That is really the only thing I need to wear to show that I am His. I don't need to kinky symbols. I don't need something that He can use to tug me around. The ring is everything. It is a sign that I belong to Him in more ways than one.