Romance

I couldn't really think of anything to write today so I took a question from the submissive journal prompts. This one is: "Does romance have it’s place in D/s relationships?"

Well, as I've said in the past Master and I are not "traditionally" romantic. I honestly wouldn't know what to do if Master had me dress extremely nice (as in non-slut gear) and more formal and took me out to a restaurant where you have a wine selection and a full three course meal and the bill was quite pricy. First off, I'd probably be worrying about how expensive it was. I don't like spending a lot of money on food. Anything over $45 for a dinner for both of us is too expensive in my mind. And yes, that includes the tip. And even then the bill really only gets that high because one or both of us orders a Jack and Coke.

So.. I guess we'll go for our version of romantic. Which is back rubs, cuddling and doing things like going to local carnivals and fairs and walking around hand in hand while Master wins me a bear. It probably makes us sound like teenagers but that's what we enjoy.

Do I feel it has a place in the D/s or M/s lifestyle? In ours, yes I feel it does. If other people do not believe it does, then it isn't right for them in their relationship. And I completely understand that. Believe me quite a few people we know find it odd that I'm the one complaining about how expensive something is. *laughs* They told us that normally the husband is complaining about the bill and their wife is complaining that they are too stingy. But that's only the people we know. I'm not saying everyone is like that.

Mean while Master, when we have the money, is more than willing to splurge on me. Mean while I'm looking at it going, "We could do like three things that are less expensive for what this place charges for dinner." *shrugs* That's just how I've always been I guess.

So while I enjoy the structure and the roughness of our dynamic, I also enjoy the softer and more affectionate side of it as well. I don't know how well I'd do if Master was just Mr. Bad Ass all the time and never the guy who holds me or rubs on my back or just wants to put His arm around me when we're out and about just because He wants to. I don't think I would function well in that kind of environment. I think I would eventually shut down completely and just become a "yes man" for lack of a better term. Yes Sir. No Sir. Sorry Sir.

I believe that my emotions would be drained from me simply because they were no longer needed and I'd become a shell. I wouldn't be able to joke around or be affectionate. I would be a thing. And while I enjoy being "forced" to do something, I think if that all that was expected of me.. do this.. do that.. and nothing else I would hate it deep down inside. I also feel that I would one day snap. I don't mean going psycho with a chainsaw or anything. But one day I could see myself suddenly snap out of the shell and go off on Him and leave.

I am madly in love with Master and I honestly can't see my future without Him. However, if He were to take all of the softness, the "romance", and the affection away and were to just use me and twist me into something that just does what it's told and that is literally it's only purpose, I would die inside. And eventually something inside of me would claw it's way out of that "grave" and leave.

So for me, personally, it is an essential part of our dynamic. It's a balance that we attempt to keep as best we can. We don't want to lean too far to one side or the other. We want the best of both sides.

Back In Time

Master and I have talked about this subject a few times. It's just something interesting.

You all know how the unemployment rates are, I'm sure. And yes, I know they are worse in some areas and better in others. That's just how it goes.

There was a time where women were the domestic one. They stayed at home, cooked, cleaned, etc. The men folk went to work. That's how things worked. Women didn't work often, and if they did it was secretary work or something related to such. There were a lot of jobs that only men did back in the day.

So.. what if all of a sudden the US went back to those times? Would it help the unemployment rate? I mean, you're damn near taking half the work force out and putting them into house work.

I wonder if it would change anything. I know a lot of women would be offended by the very thought that they would be "stuck in the house" while their man went off to work. I get that. Hell I work a full time job and I am not domestic at all. But, if we were raised with that... if that's what we knew.. it wouldn't be such a system shock. I wouldn't mind it at all. Especially if I had grown up knowing that I was going to be a house wife. I would have been taught all the things I needed to know. All the little tips and tricks of saving a buck on house work and how to save time doing it.. all that sort of thing. Sometimes I try to think of how it would be if I were a house wife. I'd get up, make Master's lunch, see Him off to work. Then I would clean and go grocery shopping and cook. (I don't know how to cook well but Master wants to start teaching me. We're going to start with breakfast foods.) Then when Master gets home I would have dinner ready and enjoy the evening with Him.

I know there are plenty of down sides to being a house wife as well, but I think I would enjoy it. Right now I work full time and it's a good job. But sometimes, I dream of just giving up working and being a stay at home wife or at most just having a part time secretary job. But that's not how things work anymore.

Hell Master has said He wishes we would go back to the barter system.

Drugged

As I'm sure most of you know, I'm bipolar. I didn't know until last year. I mean, I've always known something wasn't quite right because of my violent mood swings and illogical reactions to certain things. But I wasn't diagnosed until about September of last year.

The symptoms were getting worse. I had been diagnosed with depression as a teenager, but that didn't explain all the other stuff. Master encouraged me to find help. So I did. It was honestly a hit to my pride in a way, needing help. But when you need it, you need it. There are no two ways about it. I am now medicated. I've been on the medication for about a year now, although the dosage has varied to try and find the one that is right for me. Currently I'm on 225 milligrams. I have an appointment with my shrink coming up so I'm sure that we'll talk about that. He did say the last time I was in that he may want to add a supplemental medication to what I'm currently taking. So, who knows.

It is kind of weird knowing that not only am I on medication, but that I'll need medication for the rest of my life. I'm not sure what would happen if I stopped taking the pills, but I'm sure it wouldn't be pretty. I've never missed a dose. I have an alarm set so I don't forget to take it. I also now have a pill organizer so there is one slot for every day of the week. It's a lot easier with the organizer as I am currently taking 1 1/2 pills. Other wise I wouldn't be at the 225 milligram mark.

I wonder what my shrink will say and/or want to do the next time I see him. I like him. He's a good doctor and is easy to talk to, which helps a lot. It also helps that he's somewhat close to home. I would say a 15 to 20 minute drive at most.

But for some reason today I started to realize that I really do need to be medicated for the rest of my life. Unless somehow they find a cure for bipolar disorder. A lobotomy perhaps? That might work. Then I'll just have to drool on myself and stare at pretty colors all day. Score.

But seriously, it just hit me for some reason. I probably should have been on this medication a lot sooner, but I started taking them at 27 years old. How long will I live? No idea, obviously. But.. probably quite some time yet. Okay, lets say I make it to 75. Then I'll have been on some form of medication for 48 years. By that time I'll have taken roughly 17,280 pills. And that's if I only continue to take one medication.

That's a shit ton of pills. Seriously. I'm not saying I'm going to stop taking my meds. I can't. And I don't want to go back to being as fucked up as I was before hand. Now, I'm crazy lite. I'm not too bad. I still have some bad days, but they are no where near as bad as they were a year and a half ago. Holy fuck.

Why this stuck in my head today, I have no idea. But damn. That's a long time to be medicated.

Company Picnic

Apparently I don't really give a fuck about dates on these damn posts, because I forget to put them in. Oh well. It's not a huge deal anyway.

Now that little bit of randomness is out of the way.. onto the blog post! I was sitting here trying to think about something to write about. Well, there is nothing kink related on my mind and I can't find a "journal prompt" that is catching my eye... so this is going to be rather day to day type shit. I apologize in advance.

The company I work for does this "picnic" thing every year. It's not really a picnic, although there is food. They always do it somewhere that has entertainment of a sort. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it's something. For instance the first year I worked there they took everyone to a baseball game, paid for everyone's tickets and had lunch catered. Master and I don't like baseball, but we thought it might be a good time. So we went. We were wrong. Baseball is just as boring watching it in the stands as it is watching it on TV. Yeah. We didn't stay long but we figured it was free, the only thing we spent was gas money.

This year they are having it at the zoo. Awesome! Master and I love the zoo. They are paying for parking, admission and are having a catered lunch. After we eat Master and I can roam around the zoo by ourselves. It's not like a "the group has to stay together" thing. Nope. They just hand us the tickets and say "Do what you want."

It's this Sunday and Master and I are hoping to go, but we're not sure how hot it is going to be and also how much gas will be in the car at that point. It's not exactly close to home. It's about 45 minutes to an hour away. But we said if we do go, we could act like it's a date. A free date at that. Get free food, enjoy walking around together, look at the animals.. you know. Fun stuff.

I know that walking around a zoo as a "date" makes it sound like we're 13, but Master and I really love the zoo. So there. *grins*

Other Side of the Coin

Master and I had a great three day weekend with one another. There were a lot of errands to take care of, but even then we were having a good time and just enjoying it.

But there was also really, really great sex.

Saturday night Master and I retired to the bedroom some time around 2am. We weren't planning on going to sleep, we just wanted to fuck. So off to the bedroom! (Quickly, to the Bat Cave!)

Master started off by using His mouth all over me which drove me up a wall and back in very exciting ways. He bit my neck until I thought He was going to go completely through the skin. There is no mark but it still hurts deliciously. From there He went to my tits and molested those. (He later commented that it sounded like I was going to cum just from that. Yes, it felt that damn good.)

He moved down and settled between my legs. He took His time and brought me up to the point of cumming and pulled back a bit and focused on another area. Back and forth, back and forth.. it was wonderful. When I came it felt like a rush of heat and I couldn't hold out any longer. It made me arch my back and claw at the wall. From there He told me it was my turn. He laid on His back and I, being the good slut that I am, started sucking His dick and doing variations on what I normally do, just to keep it interesting. He called me a good cock sucker and ran His fingers through my hair while pushing up with His hips. I thought that honestly was the way He wanted to get off, but the next thing I know He's pulling my head up. I crawl on top of Him and He smirks at me asking if I wanted to be on top. I giggled and pushed back so His cock rubbed against my slit. He allowed it and so I slipped Him inside of me. He held me down and gently rocked His hips. Eventually He let me sit up and I rode Him. I changed it up between riding Him hard and then doing small motions with my hips.

During one of the times that I was doing the minor movements with my hips He said, "That's right. Give me a lap dance." That turned me on a lot.

After I came three more times He smacked me on the ass and told me to put it up in the air. However, He did tell me that I could continue to cum at will. If I am on top I can normally get off when ever I want to, but other than that it's only when He orders me to. The sex just kept getting better, and better, and better. I lost count of how many orgasms I had.

Then it happened. There is one thing that I have never, in the eight years we've been together, had to grab a pillow so I could scream into it. Trust me, I've wanted to do that in the past, but I've been able to bite it back so the cops wouldn't be called. I still moan rather loudly but I fight the urge to scream. This time, I couldn't. I quickly grabbed His pillow, buried my face in it and screamed. From that point forward I couldn't stop clawing the sheets and just letting whatever moans and sighs and gasps I needed to make flow out. I didn't hold back. And it was amazing.

After we were done we went back into the living room with the intention to staying up for a while. But as soon as we sat down we realized how exhausted we were. So we took care of things out there and went right back to bed where we curled up and passed the hell out.

So here is the other side of that coin. Last night Master had me dress up for Him. I asked Him shortly there after if He would please work on my lower back. It had been bothering me all day. He nodded and told me to grab the lotion and meet Him in the bedroom. It's just easier to do back rubs on the bed. It's more comfortable than the floor and the couch isn't really big enough for one of us to lay down and the other sit. He worked on my back for quite some time. It felt a bit numb afterward but in a good way. It felt like a lot of the tension was gone.

But He had more plans than just working on my back. It was now time for me to be His toy. I had a free pass the night before, now it was time to submit completely. He had me continue to lay on my stomach, entered me, and laid down on top of me. It was close, it was intimate, it wasn't as rough as the night before, but we don't always want rough and nasty sex. (Such as Saturday.) Sometimes we want that nice intimate fuck. Last night was one of those nights. Even if I'm just being used I love those kind of nights.

He went slowly and didn't make a lot of fast movements. I started bucking my hips back and He allowed it. Sometimes, when I'm His toy, I'm not allowed to move. This time He allowed it and seemed very pleased by it. His cheek was brushing my hair and He nuzzled the top of my head a few times. When He came He rested His head right next to mine and I ran my fingers through His hair, gently holding His head there. As a result He pulled His face closer to my cheek. It was wonderful.

Tender or rough, it's always great sex. But it's always nice to know that we both greatly enjoy both sides of the coin.

Cheap Date

We were talking about dating and dates and all this other stuff relating to it today. Why? We were watching a TV show that was talking about how romantic things can be and how expensive such things are.. etc. Master and I have been together for 8 years and quite honestly aside from our honeymoon and concerts, none of our "dates" have ever gone over $60. This also excludes any that revolve around our anniversary or our birthdays. I'm talking normal, day to day, type dates. Such as a married couple having a date night. You know, that kind of thing.

So yeah. Never over $60 and that's with us doing dinner and a movie. The most expensive restaurant we've ever gone to is Applebees. Well, unless His mother drags us somewhere and she is the one footing the bill. But again, that doesn't count. So for $60 we go to a movie, get snacks and soda, then go to dinner after.

I can honestly say that the only times we have spent more than that is if we do dinner and a bar. But that's not just us going out. That's at least one friend, if not more hanging out. So that's not a date. We used to go to strip clubs but to me that was not a date.

So yeah, we're rather cheap dates. But we're okay with that. We're not ones for expensive restaurants and then going to the theater after type people. I could see us going to a play or musical but not very often at all. Plus it would have to be something we both really wanted to see, much like a rock concert.

I did tell Master that sometimes I wish I could go out and buy a new slinky and sexy dress, then go to a salon and have my hair styled and maybe even have them do my make-up (but not going overboard), come home, surprise Him and then us just go out. Maybe one day, when our finances are more stable we may do that. And it would be something very new for us and after eight years it would be really nice to do.

Brothers

Last night we went out to dinner with Master's half brother. He is the only child His mother had but His father has a total of 5 children. Why? Because apparently he is insane. Five kids. Holy shit. He has two sons (Master and His brother) which were the first two out of the five. The remaining three are all girls. But anyway...

We had made the plans to meet up with Master's brother and his wife a while back and finally it was time. We had only met up with them once before. Master hadn't seen His brother in about 14 years before we met them for the first time. There is a lot of history of His mother whispering in His ear about how horrible His father is and all the other kids blah blah blah blah blah. Yes, she's a manipulative bitch on wheels. Well about two years ago Master got back in contact with His father. And through that link up He got in contact with His baby brother. Also, He found out He has two sisters that He didn't even know existed because they were born after He stopped talking to that side of His family. It came as quite a shock to Him.

So back to the dinner thing. They came up by us and we hit Applebees for dinner. They had left their little one with a babysitter this time. Everthing was more relaxed. Not that it was extremely tense the first time, but the whole sizing each other up thing was done and over with. With that done and over with it was like they had never stopped talking to each other. What amazes me with Master getting in contact with His father's side of the family is that everyone is welcoming us with open arms and a smile on their face. There is no bad blood. They all understand that Master's mother fed Him a lot of bullshit and He had a lot of other things going on. It's all very hard to explain via a blog post but trust me.. there was a lot going on.

You would think there would be some caution or some "if looks could kill" type moments. But no. Not from anyone. Like I said there was a sizing each other up moment but it wasn't a fuck you type thing. It was a "lets see how this long lost family member actually is" type moments.

We all had a great time at dinner. There were a lot of jokes thrown around, a lot of laughs and a lot of smiles. It was wonderful. Everything with that side of His family is so... laid back. We don't have to dodge and weave or take small barbs at the other person in a fucked up form of self defense like we do with His mother.

But even Master's father said that I fit in with their side of the family. *grins* So now Master can't get rid of me because that side of the family loves me. *laughs*

We were at dinner for about 3 1/2 hours. It felt like an hour. We agreed to meet up again soon. They are having a barbeque at there place sometime this summer and want us to go. We said we would love to go and to just let us know what they want us to bring. I'm so glad that Master is reconnecting with that side of His family. He may have missed a lot of years with them but now? Now, it's like He never left.