Cheap Date

We were talking about dating and dates and all this other stuff relating to it today. Why? We were watching a TV show that was talking about how romantic things can be and how expensive such things are.. etc. Master and I have been together for 8 years and quite honestly aside from our honeymoon and concerts, none of our "dates" have ever gone over $60. This also excludes any that revolve around our anniversary or our birthdays. I'm talking normal, day to day, type dates. Such as a married couple having a date night. You know, that kind of thing.

So yeah. Never over $60 and that's with us doing dinner and a movie. The most expensive restaurant we've ever gone to is Applebees. Well, unless His mother drags us somewhere and she is the one footing the bill. But again, that doesn't count. So for $60 we go to a movie, get snacks and soda, then go to dinner after.

I can honestly say that the only times we have spent more than that is if we do dinner and a bar. But that's not just us going out. That's at least one friend, if not more hanging out. So that's not a date. We used to go to strip clubs but to me that was not a date.

So yeah, we're rather cheap dates. But we're okay with that. We're not ones for expensive restaurants and then going to the theater after type people. I could see us going to a play or musical but not very often at all. Plus it would have to be something we both really wanted to see, much like a rock concert.

I did tell Master that sometimes I wish I could go out and buy a new slinky and sexy dress, then go to a salon and have my hair styled and maybe even have them do my make-up (but not going overboard), come home, surprise Him and then us just go out. Maybe one day, when our finances are more stable we may do that. And it would be something very new for us and after eight years it would be really nice to do.

Outcast

Today at work the women in my department threw a baby shower. One of the women in my department is currently 8 months pregnant with her first child. Okay, I get it. Everyone is throwing her a baby shower. I didn't have the spare cash to get her a present, and honestly I wouldn't see the point of it anyway. I don't really know this woman. I have limited interaction with her at work. That's it. So.. why would I buy her a present for her baby shower? I wouldn't. And so I didn't.

My sister-in-law is pregnant. Master and I will be getting her a baby shower present. She's family. That makes sense to me.

But as soon as the baby shower was over, it felt different in the department. I didn't go to the baby shower obviously. I didn't have a present and I didn't really know her. After my lunch break I went back to working but everyone was talking and such. I said congrats to be polite and no one said anything. The woman didn't say thank you and everyone just kind of looked at me like I had a second head suddenly growing out of my shoulder.

It was rude and uncalled for. I had said congrats to this woman before the baby shower and she was polite about it. This time, because I didn't go to the damn thing she wasn't polite. Kind of a "Well you didn't get me a present so.."

Rude. As. Hell.

But the women in my department (honestly there is only one guy in the whole department besides my supervisor) have never really clicked with me nor made the attempt to. Then again I haven't really tried to with them either. But when I'm trying to be nice or joke around a bit because I'm bored they don't seem to want to interact with me very much. It's not like I'm cold or anything. I try to be nice and friendly. But if it's not about work then they don't really want to talk to me unless I'm the only one in the vicinity. It's not just my job though. It's happened most of my life as far as other girls are concerned. I sometimes wonder if that's why I became such a tom boy and why I'm more comfortable hanging out with guys.

Master's male friends I can chill with and joke around. Then there is His one female friend from high school and if her and I are left alone it becomes awkward because it's like we're not sure what to talk about. Same thing happened with Master's god-sister. (We don't talk to her anymore because she's an alcoholic and a very bitchy one at that.) It was fine as long as Master was there. As soon as He left to go to the bathroom or to do whatever all she wanted to do is man bash. I do not man bash. I can bitch and what not, but I don't generalize and I don't "bash". I don't understand man bashing. The women I know think it's fun and perfectly normal. But you flip to the other side of that coin and they get pissed when their husbands or boyfriends do it about them or about women in general. I prefer to be more specific. I bitch about specific people. I may say I don't understand or don't like certain things as a generalization but that doesn't mean I'm bashing it. It just means I don't understand, do not prefer, and/or am not interested in such things.

I don't know. I guess I've always just kind of felt like an outcast. I was never popular. I had my extremely small clique when I was in school and I had my family. That's it. It's just that people didn't seem to want to deal with me or make the effort to know me. As a result I didn't give a fuck.

I think that's one of the things I love about Master. He accepts me. For the good, the bad and the ugly. He understands me and takes me as I am, as fucked up as I am.

As the years have gone by honestly I don't have any friends. I have Master and I have our families. Master still has some friends hanging around but even He doesn't seem to want to deal with them as much. We joke around that slowly but surely we're becoming hermits. I'm not sure how much of a joke that is. Our circle of friends started off at a decent number when I first moved up here. But then for various reasons we no longer associated with certain people. It turned into a domino effect. We're down to I'd say four right now.

1. BC - He is still our friend but he is so wrapped up in his fiance and his job that we haven't seen him in about 6 months even though he only lives 30 minutes away. We have tried getting in touch with him to hang out with little to no response.
2. ST - He lives about an hour away and he is getting on our nerves more and more. He's a good guy. He's can just be annoying as hell. Also, he's not a very good house guest.
3. SS - We still talk to her every now and again. But as with BC she is so wrapped up in her fiance that we haven't seen her in quite some time. 
4. JO - He lives in Florida. We haven't seen him in years, but that's not because we don't want to. We don't have the money to go visit him and he doesn't have the money to come visit us. The last time he was up was shortly after our wedding. He came up to celebrate our marriage as he couldn't be at the wedding itself and to visit his sister to meet his newborn nephew. We both really wish he lived closer. 

 So yeah. That's about it. We're getting to know more of paternal side of Master's family which is awesome! We are talking to His dad, His brother, and two of His three sisters more and more. His mother? Well.. that's the same old story.

On my side my grandfather is pretty much lying to everyone about his health, telling us he's fine even though he still can't pass a stress test. My mother has been very sweet and we're seeing her more often. My father.. well he hasn't improved really. Although, much to my surprise, he called me two days ago to "see if we were alive". We hadn't seen him since.. I want to say February. It's not that we haven't been in town, because we have been. It's just that my dad isn't who he used to be and we hate his girlfriend. HATE.

But I did tell Master the next time we're in my hometown we should probably make an appearance at his house. We'll see how that goes.

Talking

Last night I stayed up late just in case I did have a concussion. But I'm glad I stayed up because Master and I were able to talk. Like really talk. Not just the "How was your day?" stuff.

We talked about quite a few things.

First it was about my PMS. When I was younger, I didn't really get it as far as the attitude and bitchiness went. But now? It seems to be getting worse each month. This month has been the worse, but I think that's at least partially due to the fact that the anniversary of my grandmother's death was on the 9th. And the anniversary of a bad accident I was in was on the 8th. Both of those dredge up a lot of shit.

But it's not just the bitchiness that I worry about with the PMS. The depression is starting to worry me. And yes I know it is related to my period, because that is when it begins. And once my period is done, the depression is gone. So I am going to try to take Midol or something similar to that starting next month, when it gets to be about that time to see if that helps at all. Master made me promise though that if that doesn't seem to work, then I will go to a doctor about it.

Another topic was how my family, and their problems, seem to be taking over our weekends. My brother was just up two weeks ago. Last week he wanted to come over but canceled because he couldn't find a babysitter. Now this weekend he wants to come up on Saturday. When he first started coming up I told him about once a month wouldn't be a problem. I honestly wouldn't mind more often except for the fact that I have to drive to pick him up and drop him off. That's a lot of driving. He doesn't feel comfortable driving that far. It's about 45 minutes one way.

I'm going to call my brother and talk to him about just rescheduling for like sometime in March.

My dad came up last weekend, which was great. But he wants to come up again this Sunday. And again I wouldn't mind, but Sundays are the days where I don't really like company, and neither does Master because I have to get up early on Monday morning and we like to use that day for "just us" time. This weekend it's because my dad needs new furniture, so I understand that he wants to go to the store up by us. I don't think that it will be very frequent after this. So I'm not going to bother saying anything to my father.

Then there is the sex issue. Sex, when it happens, is still great. But we both felt like something was missing, or that something was off. Well after our talk we agreed that it was a deeper connection that was missing during sex lately. I don't know what has caused that sudden decline, besides maybe stress. Either that or lately when we've been having sex we just kinda go at it. There isn't a lot of foreplay or playing before hand. I think that is part of it as well.

The talk went great. I'm glad that Master and I can talk about such things openly without accusing the other or getting defensive.

Master is still suffering from insomnia, but last night He came to bed with me. I was sore from falling on the ice and His lower back has been giving Him a lot of grief, so we didn't fuck. But we did cuddle and just enjoy laying next to one another, which we haven't done in a few weeks really, before falling asleep.