Long and Drawn Out

As you may have read on Master's blog we had a very long, drawn out discussion last night. Well it started out as a discussion and turned into a bit of an argument, before calming back down into a discussion.

A while back I had talked about joining the Navy, as an active member. However, I wanted to do office work. Master said no. He flat out said no, He would not have a wife as an active member of any armed forces.

Well last night I told Him how I thought maybe I should get a 2nd job (part time), and all this. There are down sides to it of course. I wouldn't make much money because I wouldn't be able to work that many hours. I already have a full time job, so yeah. Plus I already don't see much of my Husband as it is. Throw a 2nd job in there, even at part time, and it becomes even less.

Why the 2nd job? More cash. Plain and simple.

So then my mind started wandering a bit, because I don't want to go back to retail. I really, really enjoy office work. And of course the Navy Reserves pops into my head. I honestly was not trying to piss Him off when I brought this up. I truly was not. But that's what happened.

Me? I'm not patriotic. Say what you will, but I don't take pride in a place that I just happened to be born in. My parents were born here, they fucked, they didn't move out of the country, so I was born here as well. *shrugs*

So.. why the reserves? Well I'll tell you. Money. It's really the driving force there. Extra cash for one weekend a month, two weeks a year. Bad part? Nine weeks of boot camp. But I would be an office assistant after that. One of my coworkers does this.

Also, for some odd.. odd reason I've always wanted to join the Navy. I had an uncle in the Army (along with some other family members but I didn't see them that often), an uncle in the Air Force, and a cousin in the Marines. The only one that I thought was an asshole was the Marine cousin.. but uh.. yeah.. he was a fucking Marine. Duh, he's an asshole. (No offense, I've just never in my life met a nice Marine.) I had good experiences with members of the military.

Master has also had experience with His family members being in the military. His grandfather (bless him) was in the Army and His father was in the Marines. In Master's experiences with these people, He felt that the armed forces worsened their quality of life rather than improving it.

So as I was saying, since I was young (it was before I was 12, I know this because my grandmother was still alive) I wanted to join the Navy. For one reason or another over the years I just never did.

Master as His blog explains is dead set against this. He doesn't want me to become enlisted as a Navy reserve.

I was going to drop it after the discussions last night, but when I read His blog post this morning it of course came up again. During this conversation He said that the nine weeks of me being gone would be very hard. And I agree with that. I told Him that I would look at it as a means to an end. Training for a job, basically.

Master said it is not because He doesn't think I could do it. He said He knows that if I passed the physical, that I would excel at it. He told me I can do what I'm going to do. But I won't have His blessing. He won't have my back on this one.

He also told me that my collar and cuff wouldn't mean much because I can only have one Master. He said He spent the past six years trying to break me down and rebuild me, and the Navy would just break all that down and rebuild me the way they want me. He told me that He wouldn't divorce me over it, unless I enlisted and became a totally different person because of it.

Now, keep in mind I'm looking at it only from a job perspective. It's an 8 year contract, which means a job for 8 years unless I get a medical, honorable, or dishonorable discharge from the service.

Master says that it would be another Master.. They would say jump and I would say how high. I look at that much like a job. A boss is another person to tell you what to do, and in a lot of situations you do it because you want to keep your job because you literally need that paycheck. Which is exactly why Master puts up with so much bullshit from His job. We need that income. Flat out. There is no denying that. And that is why I put up with so much shit from my job prior to my current one. I needed that paycheck so I put up with all their shit, I jumped through all their hoops.

So today, Master looked at me and said, "Be selfish about this one. I don't want to crush your dreams, but I can't back you on this." He kept telling me that I had this look on my face when He said no, like He had kicked my dog or something.

But as someone pointed out on His blog already, I probably wouldn't pass the physical anyway because of my fibromyalgia and migraines.

I kept telling Master that I would drop the subject. He doesn't believe me. He says this is something I've always wanted and that I'll keep bringing it up until I'm to old to be a recruit. But I don't want to stop being His slave. I don't want to feel like I am out right defying Him. I don't want Him to look at me every day and go, "You just had to go and do it... didn't you?"

But through out the day today He dropped hints about how I should call, get more info, that sort of thing. He says if I'm going to do it, He would rather me do it now so my "term" could be up all the sooner. (If I join now, I'd be 34 when the 8 years was over.)

I'm confused, and not sure what to say on the subject anymore. He has already said, and wrote that if I go forward with this.. it'll show Him that my collar and cuff don't mean much to me. And they do. They mean a lot to me.

So it looks like it's extra income/joining the Navy reserves (or trying to) or my submission to Him. In that case, my submission to Him trumps the Navy reserves. But then He'll bring it up again and I'm back to being confused. I know He doesn't want to crush this for me. He loves me. But I also don't want to cause bad blood between us.

Of course all of this is all so.... "what if" ... because as I said, I probably wouldn't get in anyway due to my medical history. So whatever.

Rest and Relaxation

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I'm Still Alive

Yes, I didn't post yesterday. I'm not in trouble or anything. But Master and I watched a movie last night and before we knew it, it was time for bed and we were both exhausted. So He gave me permission to not blog last night.

Sometimes I think that if I skip a post, ya'll will think I died or something because I do normally blog daily.

But sometimes, we're just tired or get home really late so Master says I can play hookey from the blog.

So anywho..

Today Master actually got out of work at 3pm. Holy shit, it's a miracle! So He was able to pick me up from work. From there we went home and I took out the trash after taking out the dog while Master checked His e-mail and what not.

From there we headed down to my father's. We hung out and talked for a while, which was nice. We left there around 9pm and then hit a restaurant for dinner like we do every Friday.

Now Master is watching Deadliest Warrior, and I'm just trying to relax.

The past few days my fibromyalgia has been kicking my ass. So I've been sore and cranky and I've been having shoulder and back spasams. Joy of joys. I don't have much to say tonight. Apparently I'm more tired than I actually thought when I started this post. I'll do a longer post tomorrow. Promise.

Hump Day

Well, it's Wednesday. Although with all the craziness from Master's work lately, it feels like it should be the weekend already.

It's odd how that works. We just got off of a three day weekend, and in the past two days His job has caused so much bullshit it's not even funny. Master had started work at 6:30am yesterday, and didn't get home until right before 11pm. That is some bull right there. So we had time for Master to take a shower, shove food down His throat, talk for about 10 minutes and then we had to go to bed. Blah.

Today, He thought He'd be out in time to pick me up, but He wasn't. B wasn't able to take me home because he was at a baseball game. So I called another friend of ours, L, and he was able to pick me up and take me home. But the process of figuring out who was going to was a pain in the ass, especially since I was doing it all on my lunch break.

Once L dropped me off at home I went inside and took care of the dog. I was about to start getting undressed and Master walked in the door. What do ya know, we actually get some time together today. I'm so grateful to His job for letting Him out to play. *groan*

Thankfully Friday is payday. Yay for money! Then bills. Boo for bills!

Master and I are both very sore from work and stress. He says we're going to exchange back rubs tonight, so that'll be nice.

Work was busy today, and I'm sure it will be for a little while yet. I know Friday will be dead. Fridays are always dead.

Well, it's almost 8:30pm. I have to go take my shower, do my after care for the piercings, and soak in some quality time with Master.

Master's Job Sucks

Yep, I said it. I swear if we didn't need that paycheck... Gah!

Master's alarms woke me up around 5:30am. I got up and changed the alarms to when I needed to get up. Master got ready for work and woke me to say goodbye before heading out the door.

My alarm went off at 6:30am (the time Master actually started work this morning) and I got ready for work. B picked me up and dropped me off at my job.

Master called me a few times through out the day. You see, He had gone to a job site and once that one was over with, He found out that He had to go to a different one. One that would require Him to be at work rather late.

B had the day off from work today, and was actually not anywhere near town so I was scrambling to find a way home. Thankfully B was able to come and pick me up.

One small problem though. I needed to get rabbit food or the bunnies weren't going to have anything to eat tonight. So Master told me that if B couldn't take me to the pet store, to have him drop me off at Master's work so I could pick up the car. Then when Master got out of work, He would call me and I would drive Him home.

Well it turned out that B was able to take me to the pet store, so that worked out fine.

Once I was home I took care of the animals and then hopped onto the computer and put out a lot of job applications for Master. We both want Him out of that job, because it sucks. No schedule. We can't make plans. We are constantly trying to figure out how I'm going to get home. We don't get that much time together during the week. Master is constantly stressed out because of this job.

I wish He didn't have to work there. I really do. I wish that I made enough where He could just quit and then look for another job. But I don't. I can't support the household by myself. And I feel guilty because of it. It's not that Master makes me feel guilty, or anything of that nature.. I just simply feel guilty. And I hate it.

I'm not kidding when I say we're addicted to one another. Master told me over and over again how much He misses me today. And I told Him the same.

Never mind the fact we just had three days off together. That doesn't matter. We havn't really seen each other today. We need our fix damnit! We're hopeless. Hopeless I tell you!

It must be the weather, but my joints are killing me. My whole body aches. I can only imagine how sore my Husband is. :-(

I miss Him a lot. I was ordered to eat dinner, and then put the rest in the fridge for when He gets home. Due to my blood sugar problems, He didn't want me to wait until He got home in order to eat.

However I was given permission to stay up until He gets home. So yay! I'll get a little time with Him at least.

When I first got in the car with B this morning when he picked me up, one of the first things I said to him was "I got my collar and cuff back!" (He knew why they were removed.)

It felt so good to have them on at work again. I feel naked (in a bad way) without them on. Vulnerable I guess? I don't really know why. I mean I know why I feel naked without them on, but the vulnerable thing? No idea.

Do I think that Master is not protecting me unless they're on? I'd be crazy (shush) to think that. Do I think someone is going to pop out of the shadows saying, "Ah ha! She doesn't have her collar and cuff on any longer! Get her!" ... as if my collar and cuff hold magical powers or something. Neat idea, but no. Weird don't you think?

So now I'm just going to kill time until Master is home.

Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day, which means that Master and I both had the day off of work.

Even though it was a three day weekend, it still went by rather quickly. Oh well, we had three days. I guess I can't complain to much.

We got up at 9am and got ready for the day. Shortly there after, we headed out the door and went down to His mother's house. Her boyfriend's kid and his kid's fiance were there. They had flown down for the holiday weekend and His mother and her boyfriend had kept them pretty busy all weekend. It was a little hard to hear about all of the fun things they had done, because we only ever go down there to eat dinner and then we go home. Other than that, if it is our anniversary or something along those lines they took us to a play once and dinner.

If it's not dinner, whether at their place or at a restaurant, we don't really do anything.

But Master and I tried to make the best of it. We sat around, talked, ate lunch, and Master had me sit on His lap for a little while, which was nice.

And it feels so good to have my collar and cuff back on! My security blankets are back.

Once we got home we relaxed for a while, and I begged as I am supposed to. However, I was horny, so when He slapped my ass telling me it was okay to move again, I turned around and sucked His dick until He was very hard. I then asked for Him to fuck me and He pointed me to the bedroom.

He put me on all fours and fucked me rather hard. It was incredible! My VCH piercing is adding a little something to sex. It feels great. I am so glad Master allowed me to get it.

After sex we went into the living room and I ran out to grab something to eat for us. But shortly after I ate, I got an upset stomach. :-(

So I took a shower to try and make me feel better, and then Master allowed me to take a brief nap. I feel a lot better now thankfully.

Now Master is watching Tripping the Rift on His X-box 360 and I'm on here, just trying to relax before we have to rejoin the working world tomorrow.

Collared & Cuffed

Some of you may remember, if you keep tabs on this blog, that Master and I had gone through a brief period of time where we dropped His Domination over me. And then, when I decided that I wanted that back, that I needed that back, He told me that to show how serious I was about it He was taking off me collar and cuff. I then had to earn them back. If not, you can read some of it here.

He told me that He didn't know when I would get them back. And it hurt to have them removed. But I haven't said a word about it. I tried not to even really think about it because I didn't want to become impatient.

Well, tonight after we got back from the movies, I walked into the kitchen and Master grabbed my neck and told me to get undressed and then get the dog situated and He would tell me what to do from there. So I did exactly that.

Once that was done He went into the bedroom and when He walked back into the living room He had the collar and cuff in His hands. He sat down on the computer chair and I knelt in front of Him, nuzzling His hands.

He said, "I remember saying this once before, but I'm going to say it again. Don't make me regret this." I nodded.

Then He said, "These aren't coming off again." I nodded again. He continued by saying, "And if they do, they are going in the garbage. Understood?" Again I nodded.

He started with the cuff. Once that was on my left wrist I moved my hair and He put my collar back on.

I have earned them back.

I am very, very happy.

It has been about a month since they were removed. They were removed on the 26th of April. Today is the 24th of May.

Although this time period has taught me something. Although I find symbols to be very important, (my wedding ring, my collar, my cuff, etc.) they are not necessary. I was just as much His property and following His path without them on as I am with them. However, I am grateful to have them once more.

I have to admit I'm a little surprised at the timing of it. You see, we're seeing His mother tomorrow. And although I was allowed to wear them around His mom, I'm a bit surprised that He put them back on the day before we go to see her. Not that I'm complaining mind you. I'm not that crazy. ;-)

But now I am collared and cuffed once more, and I am elated.

We saw Terminator Salvation tonight. I didn't really care for it, although Master didn't think it was that bad. And earlier today I spent some time at my mother's.

It is almost 10pm. Master says we can stay up a bit late tonight, so that'll be nice.

Well, I'm off to spend some time with Master.

Thank You Master for putting the collar and cuff on me again.