Family

This is going to be one of those posts about family that has a good side and a bad side. First I'll post the bad side.

Fair warning: This part is going to be heavy on the medical shit. Somehow, someway my grandfather is still breathing. He has been through so much and he is going through even more now. And honestly yesterday he went through things that in my opinion were unnecessary. He is in pain constantly. He has fallen down more times than I can count because in his head he thinks he can do everything. Three of those times he has needed staples in his head. The list continues on and on and on. Since he isn't in his right mind, meaning he doesn't realize that he can't do a lot of things and tries to do them anyway and hallucinates a good amount of the time, he lies to doctors. Thankfully my uncle, Grandpa's son, goes with him to doctor appointments to correct things.

Okay.. anyway.. yesterday my grandpa was put through one hell of a procedure.

*This is where the medical jargon begins. Kinda graphic.*

My father and uncle (Grandpa's sons) decided that Grandpa needed to get another couple of tests done. Why? Because they wanted to see if he qualified for hospice. At the time I didn't understand why it mattered. He's already in a nursing home. But I thought that maybe the nursing home was requesting the tests to be done.

So, the procedure was two fold. They wanted to do a biopsy of his lung and to drain some of the fluid that are filling his lungs. They had been saying it was congestive heart failure. Because of that diagnosis it made me wonder even more why they were bothering with this.

Anyway, Grandpa was lying to the doctors about how he has been breathing and eating and what not. He was also telling them about dogs and cats that live in his room (there are no animals) and other things he hallucinates. As they did the procedure he had to be awake. He says that he felt everything and he was confused and scared. They took a needle in through his back and did the biopsy as well as draining the fluid from his lungs.

They apparently only drained one of his lungs and even then it wasn't even half way because his lung started to collapse so they had to stop. As soon as they did the fluid levels didn't take long to get back to where they were when they started the procedure. The test results should be available this Friday.

After receiving all of this info I was still sitting here wondering why the hell they made him go through all of that. He is dying. There is literally nothing they can do for him aside from give him pain killers and he's refusing those. He has a DNR. But then the truth came out. My dad and uncle decided that they wanted the tests done to prove that he qualified for hospice. Why? Because it will allow some insurance to take over and ease the "financial burden". Never mind they sold Grandpa's house and cashed in at least one of his retirement accounts to pay for all of this. They have the money to pay for it. And since my father is the financial POA I have a feeling he was the pushing for it so he didn't have to pay that high bill every month and therefore more money would be available for him.

I feel that they basically tortured the poor old man just to save some money. I am so confused by how to feel about my father lately that I don't know up from down on that particular subject.

Now on to the good!

We had lunch with Master's dad today. It was a really good time. We sat and talked for about two hours before his dad had to head home. I always look forward to seeing him. We always have fun and joke around. We also catch up on what Master's two youngest sisters are up to. They are always so busy! They are both under 18 and they have so many different things going on all year long. If it's not school it's one of the many things they do. Girl Scouts, choir, rock climbing, etc. and so on. In fact Master's second youngest sister is going to Germany this summer. Master seemed to be in a much better mood since seeing his dad. *smiles* Hopefully we'll catch up with him again soon. His schedule is also crazy because of the activities his two youngest are in. 

Porn Night

The other night Master and I decided that we were going to do something that we haven't done in a very, very long time. The reason we haven't done it in so long is because we didn't have a TV in our bedroom for quite a while. When our main TV died we took the one out of the bedroom and put it in the living room since it was the same size. That must have been.. oh hell... I don't know. About six or seven years ago? Anyway, since we moved we now have a TV in our bedroom again.

Yeah I know. What the fuck am I talking about.

We got undressed, threw back the covers on the bed and curled up to one another. After that we watched porn and just cuddled while watching it until we both started getting a bit frisky. We left the porno on while we fucked.

I'll admit that once we started fucking I didn't watch the porno anymore. It didn't bother me or anything, it's just that the way my hair was in my face and the fact that Master had me moving around and what not I just didn't pay attention anymore. Whether or not Master continued to watch I have no idea.

I'm just glad that we did something different. Something out of the norm. It was also the first time we watched porn since we moved back in September. There has just been way too much going on so when we fuck we pretty much just got down to business. Granted we didn't really watch a lot of the porno itself. I think we got about half way through the second scene before we started fucking. I'm not sure what part it was on by the time we were done because, like I said, I wasn't watching it anymore. *laughs*

We also hadn't really cuddled like that in a really long time either. I love cuddling. Yes, we curl up when we go to sleep but that's completely different. Well, it is to me anyway.  Whether it is to Him I have no idea.

I know that He enjoys cuddling, it's just that we don't do it all that often when we aren't about to go to sleep. I'm not complaining. It's not like I get mad about it. There just isn't a lot of opportunity to do so.

Music

This post is going to basically be about random things so don't mind me if it seems all over the place and about subjects that have absolutely nothing to do with one another.

I haven't been able to stop running my hands over His freshly cut hair. I'm sure eventually I'll get used to it and stop. Well, maybe not. *shrugs* Although I didn't do it while He was eating me out the other night or while we were fucking. No real reason. I just didn't.

Have you ever heard a song that makes you think of your significant other? Most people have. I have plenty of those kind of songs. Now, have you ever heard a song that made you think of the dynamic you're in? I have some of those too. My most recent one is by Avenged Sevenfold. It's called "Scream". When Master first started buying their CDs I was always asking if it had that song on it. I had heard it on the radio and played it on YouTube repeatedly. Apparently I had heard the song before Master did even though it is a band He has recently gotten into. Now He seems to think about the song the same way I do. It may not be for the sames reasons but all I can say for sure is that now when it comes on He cranks it up to the point where the bass is shaking the side mirrors. I love it when that happens. I like a lot of bass in my music. If you have ever heard the song maybe you know what I'm talking about. If not, listen to it and see if you agree. I don't know if the M/s or BDSM lifestyle undertones were intentional? Hell, I don't even know if I'm the only one making that correlation.


Since I started making that website for my paracord items I've been surfing through templates since I ended up making it on a blog rather than a free website host. While doing it I saw quite a few that I thought looked pretty kick ass for my actual blog. I'm proud of what I've made for this but at the same time I get that itch every now and then to change it. This one is rather simplistic as well. I sometimes like it a bit more.... complicated? Involved? Interesting? *shrugs* I'm not sure what the right word is.

I know that Master doesn't really give a shit. And I could just be thinking about it for no reason. There have been plenty of times where I thought I wanted to change it to something else and then when I did I ended up changing it back immediately. That's why eventually I just made a test blog so I didn't have to keep fucking with my actual blog.

I also get this way about my blog when I'm bored. And I have been. So maybe. Who knows. It's entirely possible. It's also entirely possible that I'll scrap the idea entirely and leave it how it is. I sometimes wonder if people who read here get annoyed when I change the theme of my blog. I mean it's obviously the same blog and it has all the same content but the look of it changes. But as long as I like it and Master doesn't mind it's not that big of a deal.

His Hair

We've been together for almost twelve years now. It'll be twelve years in March. It's weird to even realize that honestly. Some days it feels like a lot longer than that, in a good way, and other days it feels like there is no way we have been together that long, again in a good way.

But anyway, within that amount of time Master has done a lot with His hair. Well, His hair length anyway. When I first met Him He had hair so long that it was damn near down to His ass. He has beautiful hair. He really does. He has the kind of hair that women are jealous of. *laughs*  Honestly when we first met that was one of the things that attracted me to Him.

He kept His hair that long for about two years. He told me that it had taken a long time to grow it that long. But about two years into our relationship He shaved His head bald. Completely bald. He looked hot. He was bald when we got married, which was about two years after that. I don't quite remember when but eventually He decided to grow it out again. Not as long but He grew it out.

He had more of a traditional guy's hair cut for a while. I didn't really care for it. It's not that it made Him look bad, because it didn't, but it didn't fit. Ya know? It just didn't look like Him.

After that He went to a do it yourself buzz cut. All He did was buy a pair of clippers, slapped a guard on it, and voila! He had that for a very long time. And it looked awesome.

Sometime over the past couple of year or two He decided to try and grow it back out again. He said that He wanted it back to where it was as long as it was when we first met. Up until today He had it just past His shoulders.

For the past few weeks He has been contemplating cutting it again. Why? He said He was tired of it always getting in His face, waking up with His own hair in His mouth, and all the snarls. I was honestly a bit surprised since He had been so adamant about growing it back out. It's not like I was going to be upset either way, I was just surprised.

Today we are sitting there watching TV where out of nowhere Master looks at me and asks where His clippers are. Apparently He had made up His mind and it was going to happen right now. So I went and dug around until I found them. He took off His shirt, plugged it in, and just went to town with it. Eventually I asked if He wanted me to at least cut the hair down to a length where it would stop clogging the clippers. He allowed it. I was just extra careful to make sure I didn't cut it too short because then it wouldn't be even with the rest of His hair.

I didn't really have to worry about that part because He went really, really, super short. I love the look on Him. I helped Him with the clippers towards the end.

It's a little weird to me though. Not His hair. But the fact that I always love it once He's done it. I was excited when He told me He was going to grow out His hair again but when He told me He was shaving it all off today I was also excited.

I've never told Him not to do anything regarding His hair. Not only because of the dynamic but because I always think He looks good. This time is no different. Hell I couldn't help but run my hands over His head. He joked with me about how I always do that when His hair is short. And when He has long hair I can't stop messing with it.

When His hair is long I love brushing it, running my fingers through it, and braiding it. When He was bald I couldn't stop just rubbing my hands against His bald head. And when it is short I keep running my hands over it.

He also pointed out that when He is eating me out and His hair is short I run my hands over His head a lot more than I do when His hair is long. I told Him that's because I don't want to accidentally pull His hair and ruin anything. *laughs*

I guess this just comes down to my finding Him attractive no matter what hair style He has.

Thoughts & Ideas

Have you ever had sex where you start to feel like you're going to fall off the bed but you don't say anything because it feels amazing and also, you know that you aren't actually going to fall off the bed? I did a couple of nights ago. It has happened in the past. Our bed isn't pushed up against anything. At our old place my side of the bed was pushed up against the wall. Where we are now though, it's not.

So the other night Master and I are fucking and at one point both of my feet got tangled up in the sheet and comforter, which was actually kind of amusing because I knew that if I tried to just yank them out I would end up either kneeing Master in the stomach or kicking Him. Either way it wasn't a good thing. But Master was attempting to move my legs so finally I just said, "Master... the blanket..."

He chuckled and unwrapped both of my feet before continuing to move my legs to where He wanted them.

A few orgasms later and Master had me laying on my stomach with one leg straight back underneath Him and my other leg bent at the knee with His knee pushing at the back of mine. We were very, very close to the edge of the bed. Well, not all of us but both of our knees and my one hand were. He scooted me back once but as we continued our knees became very close to the edge of the bed once more. I didn't care because I knew I wasn't going to fall and apparently He didn't care either because He kept going.

The sex was amazing, don't get me wrong, but it is always kind of amusing to look back on that kind of stuff.

In other, non-kink related news....

I was discussing my paracord with Master and I wanted to know what He thought about me trying to sell them online. I would take custom orders through a website I made and would charge my normal rate along with shipping. I have only been selling them locally and while it is going well, it still isn't much of an income. I figured that maybe if I offered shipping I would make more. What I have been doing, since it is local, is meeting up with people in person.

Master thought it was a pretty cool idea. There is no telling if it will actually take off or not but hey, it's worth a shot. It's not going to cost me any money to at least try. After all, it wouldn't be a typical eCommerce site because everything I make is a custom order. It would just be a form they would fill out and it would shoot me an e-mail with it.

I started to build a website last night for it but ended up hating the service it was under, so I deleted it. I made another one today but again I didn't like the service it was under so I deleted that one as well. As a result, I think I'm just going to make one on Blogger and call it done. Like I said, it doesn't have to be an eCommerce site so where I put it doesn't really matter. The problem is getting it to where I'm happy with it. *sigh* Oh well. It gives me something to do in addition to making the paracord items that people order from me locally.

Dumb Bitch

Not a lot has been on my mind that is anything new. The usual stresses. The usual bullshit.

The only thing new is that I have a feeling I'm really not going to like my future sister-in-law once my brother and her are married. I don't like her now. But I have a sneaking suspicion that if she feels as freely as she does to talk the way she does now, that it is only going to get worse when they are married.

They have been together for three years and have been engaged for a little while now. They haven't set a date or anything but hey.. who knows.. maybe one or both of them will break it off before that point.

Long story short I was outside having a cigarette and I heard her talking to my brother as they were walking out to the car. She was talking shit about my mother. Shit she doesn't have the guts to say to anyone but my brother. I ended up telling my mother about it. I wasn't eaves dropping. It's not my problem if she didn't see me standing outside and decided to talk that loudly.

I suppose I could have said something but I decided not to in case she wanted to say anything that I'd be able to hear. There wasn't but I felt that I should tell my mom anyway. I told Master first and asked His thoughts and He agreed that I should tell my mother. So now she knows.

*sigh* Master has asked me before if I would go to their wedding. I keep flip flopping about it. He is my baby brother. I love him. And usually he can be a pretty cool guy. But he has one hell of a temper on him and I don't always agree with how he handles shit. But then again who does agree with everything?

Really though my brother would be the only reason I would be going. And even then I'm leaning more towards just going to the reception. I don't even know why I'm bothering trying to figure it out right now since it will probably be a year or more before they get hitched and by then a ton of shit could change.

I guess I'm just of the opinion that you can vent all you like but if you have something to say to someone you say it to their face. You don't try to manipulate other people into saying it for you, and by the sounds of the conversation I caught that is exactly what she was doing. And you know why she was bitching? Because it was an inconvenience to her. To me this only goes to show how their marriage will/would go. Anything that makes her get off her fat ass is going to make my brother's life a living hell. But hey, that's his problem.

And this is just one of the reasons why when I hear her name the first words that come to mind are dumb bitch.

Check the Simple Shit

Well, I felt like a fucking idiot today. Before I get into why I just wanted to say that I did end up going to a doctor about my not really getting my period in December. They checked and nothing seemed unusual and basically since I have been fixed for so long there is damn near no chance that I would get pregnant. They did a pap smear though because I hadn't had one in a while and I had pre-cancerous cells in the past that needed to be treated. They said they would have the results in about a week. They told me to contact them if I hadn't had my period by February 1st. Sure as hell, I got it today. Nothing overly heavy yet but it's there. They did tell me that my periods may get a bit more irregular now that I'm in my 30's. *shrugs* I guess I'll just have to not freak out if it happens again unless something seems really wrong.

Okay, now back to why I felt stupid...

Our car wouldn't start yesterday. I had actually hopped in the car to go to the doctor and tried starting her. She tried, but wouldn't crank over. Fucking hell. I ended up getting a ride there and back. I thought that maybe it was just too cold and that is why she didn't want to crank over. But after talking with some family members that deal with a lot of cars. They told me that it was most likely my starter because my battery was only a year old. I went out there again today and again she wouldn't turn over.

So we had the car towed to our new mechanic. I say new because we had moved back in September and we are about a hour away from our old mechanic. They told me that it most likely wouldn't be fixed until Monday because they would have to order the part. (It did end up being the starter.) I said that would be no problem. But lo and behold about five hours later they call me and they said that they were able to find the part locally and had it fixed. They also did an oil change on her. Awesome sauce.

So I get a ride there to pick her up and by that time it's just starting to get dark out. I didn't really have to turn the headlights on until about half way home. When I did I noticed that the headlights turned on but the dashboard didn't light up. What the fuck?

I get home and park the car and I start messing with it to see if I could figure out why. Nope. Fuck. I called the mechanic and they told me to drive her right back and they'll look at it.

When I show up they have Master and I pull the car into the service bay and they couldn't figure it out either. So they brought over someone else over. Apparently, it was because one of the rear doors were open. Never mind no lights came on to say that one of the doors were ajar. Hell, the interior lights even turned off. What the hell.

Basically it was one of those check the simple shit first stupid situations. Neither Master or myself could figure it out and neither could two other people at the mechanics. Why? Because we were all focused on just the dashboard. Well, that and you wouldn't think that a door would cause that especially when there are absolutely no other signs that a damn door is open. *sigh*

Oh well, at least she's fixed now.