Off My Chest

.. and onto my blog.

Master and I have been looking into getting a newer car. But the ones we can afford have way too many miles on them and we don't like the car. And the ones we do like? Yeah. Can't afford them.

We did have one small hope from a dealership we went to on Saturday. They had said they would work on our application and have an answer for us by Monday. Our credit sucks and we only have one income, so yeah. I get it. Yesterday arrives and no answer. I called and they said they were still working on it. I call today and leave a voice mail. No one calls me back. So I call again a few hours later and it turns out they want a bigger down payment than we can afford and the payments are still way out of our price range.

So as much as I would love a newer (notice how I'm not saying brand new.. just newer) car right now, I think it's going to have to go on the back burner. I was really upset about it though because the guy I was talking to was a real asshole and had this, "Well no wonder you can't afford this.." tone to his voice.

And then Master and I started butting heads over texting. It was more... intense than it has been since before I started my medication. So I was stressed, Master was stressed, and we freaked out on each other and doubled our fun there. Cause we're smart like that.

I ended up crying while I was at work. Part of it was because of what was going on between Master and myself. The other part was because I realized that if I can't even get a loan for a $13,000 car without a cosigner or astronomical payments how the fuck am I ever going to get approved for a condo or townhouse?

All because I fucked up my credit when I was younger and haven't had the means to fix it since. I also don't have money to file bankruptcy, not that I really want to do that anyway.

For the past 8 years I've worked my way up from minimum wage to where I am now. (I don't want to put the actual amount.. but I feel it is a rather decent amount per hour.) I've worked hard, I keep trying to claw my way up more and more and all I've been able to do is keep my head above water. And sometimes even that's difficult. It's frustrating. And it upsets me.

And I want a fucking break.

I am grateful for my great job, and I am grateful for a roof over my head, necessary bills that are paid, and food in my stomach. Don't get me wrong, I really am grateful for such. I know there are people who are a lot worse off. It's just that right now I'm feeling a little down and am getting stuff off my chest so I don't carry it around the rest of the evening.

Yay... More Good News...

This is going to be some what of a rant. I'm trying not to be pissed off but it's kind of hard right now. So if anything I put on here doesn't seem rational, oh well.

I think I've blogged about Master having a very part time job that was freelance. It's not the greatest thing in the world but at least it was helping out here and there as far as finances went.

Well He got this freelance job through His best friend's girlfriend (soon to be fiance).

Money is tight right now and so He e-mailed her asking if there was going to be any work for this week. He does that every now and then just so it's not last minute. Because what she loves to do is wait until the day before and then go, "Oh yeah I forgot we need this done and it has to be done by the end of the day tomorrow."

Well she e-mailed Him back saying that no there isn't any work this week. Then she basically said, "Oh yeah and I also forgot to let you know that my boss is looking into hiring a company to do the job that you're currently doing."

You know, cause that's just something that slips your fucking mind. From the wording in her first e-mail this is not new information to her. After Master got a little aggravated in His response she totally changed her tune and said that she only found out about it this past week. Even still, you think you maybe wanna tell the person currently doing the freelance work that. And then she says, and I quote, "I thought it was clear that this was a contract position."

Um. I'm sorry. But a contract position would mean that there would be a contract involved. Freelance position is just what it says. Freelance. And while I realize this, it is a mom and pop shop that has a total of four actual employees. Master is the only freelance worker that they have, so now you're up to five. So news travels really fast, except for where Master is concerned. Apparently.

So Master is doubling His job search, and I'm helping Him out when I can.

So yeah. Thanks for the additional stress for this weekend. This weekend has pretty much sucked. Yesterday we were stressed about money and what not and got on each others nerves. Today was better. We joked around a bit, and I cleaned the kitchen, and we'd calmed down from yesterday. And then this was thrown into the mix. Yeah. That did not improve our mood. Although today neither of us is taking it out on the other, so at least that's an improvement over yesterday.

Warning: Rant

Okay this rant is totally selfish. This is your warning so you can stop reading now if you don't want to hear a rant/whine. Okay?

*waits*

*keeps waiting*

You're still here?

Okay, apparently you want to read this then.

I was reading some things on a social network site where some of our friends also just so happen to be signed onto. Well HG, which is BC's girlfriend, just bought a brand new $720 laptop. That bitch.

Okay, no seriously HG is a nice person. I have absolutely no problems with her.

But there are currently two friends in our lives that are a) unemployed, b) live with a family member, and c) are in their mid to late 30's.

HG is one of these friends. She has been unemployed for about a year. Which I totally understand because the job market fucking blows and I am not knocking her for it. She lives with her aunt. Her only bill is her cell phone. Her aunt pays for everything else. Which I'm assuming is how she has money to buy a brand new laptop. Either that or it was a credit card. Yes I'm jealous. Master and I could use a brand new computer. And we can't afford it, and we have no credit cards. Plus even if we did, we don't need another monthly bill.

Then there is Master's god sister VH. She is unemployed. However I do hold that against her because she was fired for calling in to much due to being hungover and coming into work hungover. So yeah. Completely her fault. She lives with her mother. She has no monthly bills because her mom is paying for everything. She rags on us constantly because we don't want to come out or don't have the money to come out. Or we do have to money to go out to a bar, but decide to use that money for something else.

We didn't go to the bar this weekend, or last weekend. Last weekend we didn't have the money and this weekend we decided to use that little bit of money for something else.

How the fuck she always has money to go out I have no idea. I know that she donates blood but you can only do that once a week.

I have been very tempted at times when VH she starts calling us "pussies" for not wanting to stay at the bar, or saying that we suck when we tell her we can't afford to go to the bar, a very long drawn out explanation that she wouldn't find very nice or polite of me.

It goes something like this.

"Well maybe if I could live with my mother and have her support me because I wanted to get wasted all the time I could afford to go to the bar every night. Or maybe if I didn't have to get up at 6:45am and be coherent so I could go to work I could go out on a Sunday night and stay out until bar close.

However instead I am stuck acting like a responsible adult and going to work every day, on time. And then paying my rent which is over $700 a month. Not to mention finding a way to pay an electric bill, and a phone and internet bill, on top of keeping my Husband and myself fed as well as the four animals we are responsible for."

Oh. So. Tempting.

I am not complaining that Master is unemployed. We had a very long talk about it before He quite and we both agreed that His health and general safety was worth the financial stress. Things are tight. Some weeks it is tighter than others. But we have a roof over our head and we have food in our stomachs.

He will find another job. He is also being responsible. He isn't going out and getting trashed. He isn't wallowing in a bout of self pity. He's going out there, He's putting out job applications, and He is fighting His former employer for unemployment benefits. He's busting ass doing all that as well as helping out around the apartment. He tries to help me not be so stressed out.

It's just that it baffles me sometimes when people who aren't working can go out and buy expensive shit or go out all the time and I can't and I'm going to work five days a week.

*sigh*

Like I said, sometimes I get jealous, which is only natural. I mean I am not a high maintenance wife. At least I don't think I am. But there are certain things I want. A new computer because ours is six years old, which in computer terms makes it an antique. New shoes for work. A new winter jacket because the zipper on mine is a little fucked up. You know. Simple shit.

Now yes, I know that Master just got a new video game. But seriously? He used some of His old games to get some money knocked off of it. Plus it's something He's been looking forward to for quite some time. Plus I play it as well. So it's for both of us.

Plus the type of winter jacket I want is slightly expensive. What I really want is a women's trench coat. I would really like a leather one, but even a cloth one would be nice (as long as it was black). But with how short I am (5ft1) it will be difficult to find one that won't look like I'm dressing up in mommy's clothes, ya know?

Okay pity party over with.