Accents

Okay Master and I were born and raised here in Wisconsin. And apparently most of the world seems to think that we have accents, because we're from Wisconsin. I don't hear it, but whatever.

That's not really the point of this post. In fact this post doesn't really have a point. I'm just babbling.

Sometimes I'll slip into this southern twang when I talk. I have no idea why really. Master finds it sexy. But as I've said I've lived in Wisconsin my entire life.

So really the only rational explanation is that my mother's father is from the south and my mom grew up with him. Now where as I don't know my maternal grandfather very well, I heard it a lot when I was a baby. He moved away to Texas shortly after my brother was born. And my mother used to slip into it as well. Although I don't hear her do it anymore. It's a long shot, but really the only explanation that I have.

Master on the other hand is a damn good mimic, and can copy damn near any accent. He uses it to make me laugh usually, or to just be well... a smart ass. *laughs*

Sometimes we'll do it back and forth (talk in accents) just to have fun. Gods we sound like dorks, don't we?

I find it amusing though, and just one of those little quirks we have.

Today we haven't done much. I talked to my mother for a little while, and ran out and got us dinner. We ate dinner and watched some Dexter.

That's really about it.

There isn't much kink or sex going on. It's so fucking cold that we're both covered up all the time. And by the time we go to bed the bed is cold and we have to lay there for a little bit before it finally warms up and then we're basically just concentrating on staying warm. Now yes, sex will make you warm.. but not until you both get naked and freeze a little bit while initiating sex.

I'm not saying that I don't want to have sex. It just hasn't really been on the forefront of our minds lately. Stress at work and stress from family has kind of overwhelmed me. And Master is dealing with stress from His family as well.

But we'll get our mojo back.

Not A Lot To Say

I don't really have a lot to say tonight. I mean last night I slept in the living room until Master was ready for bed, since I didn't have to get up early in the morning. And then we both slept in until about noon today.

I only left the apartment once today and that was to make a run to the gas station. That is when I discovered that it was snowing. Yuck. I'm sick of snow.

For dinner we had Pizza Hut.

For entertainment we have been alternating between doing our own things (on the computer and Xbox 360) or have been watching Dexter on Netflix.

Other than that we've been just trying to stay warm by remaining clothed and cuddled up. Him in His recliner and me either on the computer chair or on my slave mat.

So yeah. Not a lot going on.

But hey! At least it's a nice lazy Saturday!

Apologies

Well last night I vented. It was both about Master's new game and my job. And in Master's comment on said post, He stated that He did in fact have insomnia. We both suffer from it. But part of me had thought maybe He was like forcing Himself to stay awake so He could play His game. But of course I didn't ask, so I got pissy for no reason.

So today on my lunch break at work, we talked. I apologized and He apologized. We had both been cranky when we talked earlier today, before my lunch break. So I felt a lot better after we talked the second time.

Really, I have no problem with Him playing video games. And I know I was no where near "gamer widow" territory. I have been there, done that, got the t-shirt and burned that mother fucker. My ex was the type to get up, play his game, go to work, come home, play the game, go to sleep. Repeat. I know exactly what it feels like to be a gamer widow and I will never do that again. Ever.

Even when Master is totally enthralled in a game (which honestly, is not very often at all) He will still talk to me, joke around, and stuff like that. So it's not like He totally ignores me or anything.

I was bitchy last night because work has been a pain in my tail lately. Well mainly my coworker (the one that is forever pissing me off) has been a pain in my tail. Not so much the job itself. So since I was already in bitch mode, I decided to vent about other things that really had nothing to do with my mood.

Yes, going to bed alone sucks. But it happens. Like I said, we both suffer from insomnia from time to time. He's gone to bed without me before, because I simply could not relax enough to even lay down. So I know what that's like.

So Master and I apologized. I explained why I had typed up the things I did, and He explained where He was coming from. That was that. See what happens when we just open our mouths and speak? Progress! *gasp!*

However, I'm in a much better mood today. So tonight has been great. We had dinner, and watched a movie. Now we're just kind of relaxing and I'm glad that my weekend is finally here.

Blarg

I don't even know what the title of this post means. It just seemed fitting I guess.

Last night Master played Mass Effect 2 again. He offered a couple times to watch a DVD with me, but I knew He really wanted to keep playing the game. I know He has waited on that game since He finished the first one, plus He had been without His Xbox 360 for a while. And that would be like me being without a computer for that long. I'd be obsessed with getting reacquainted with it.

So I said no, that it was fine. I would just stay on the computer. And really, it was fine. We took care of the animals a bit early. We usually take the dog out and take care of the rabbits around 11pm. I suggested that we do it at 10:30pm so that it was done with and we could relax afterward. So we did that, came back out into the living room and Master resumed His game and I went back online.

Around 11:30pm I convinced myself that I should probably get my tail to bed so I wasn't overly tired in the morning. I normally go to bed around 11pm so, yeah. Bed time.

So I stood up and looked at Master and said, "I'm tired Sir. I'm gonna go to bed." He nodded and said that was fine. I asked if He was going to bed with me, and He said no because He was close to beating the game.

That irritated me a bit. He had stayed up late the night before, and I had gone to bed alone because He wanted to play the game. And again? *sigh* But I told myself that part of it is the excitement over the new game, and part of it may be insomnia. Which it very well may be. I didn't bother to ask.

I started to shuffle down the hall to the bedroom and He stopped me and asked for a hug.

I hate sleeping by myself. It is hard for me to fall asleep when He's not in bed with me. Plus I look forward to cuddling up in bed together each night. I could have slept out here in the living room, but Mass Effect 2 has a lot of talking, and Master needs to hear it because it tells Him what to do next and all that. So I knew I wasn't going to sleep through all that plus gunfire. At least not easily.

As it was, after I climbed into bed and tried to get warm, I could still hear the game loud and clear. I thought about shutting the bedroom door, but when I do that our dog whines and whimpers because that door is almost never shut and he's used to being able to go wherever he wants in the apartment. So I figured hearing the game was better than hearing the dog and then hearing Master bitch at the dog.

So I covered my head with a blanket and concentrated on sleeping. Eventually I drifted off.

I got up this morning and somehow I knew today was going to suck. And I was right. Of course.

Work was a pain in the ass. My coworker told me she might leave early today, or just take tomorrow off. Which would have meant that I would have to do her job plus mine, and I can't really do both at the same time. So I cranked the work that was necessary as fast as I could in preparation for her leaving so I wouldn't be so backlogged.

I finally asked her if she was in fact leaving, after I had gotten a shitload of work done, and she said no. *sigh* So I did the other stuff I had set aside earlier in the day. But it didn't help that they had someone in the building applying stain to pieces of furniture in certain offices. And of course one of the offices was the one I sit right fucking next too. So that gave me one hell of a headache for most of the day.

I got out of work and came home. We need to go grocery shopping, so shortly after I walked in Master asked what I wanted to do for dinner. I didn't really care cause I wasn't that hungry. So I said MacDonald's. So He said, "Okay." and then asked me who was running.

He was sitting there in His recliner with clothes on but no shoes or anything. So I sighed and said I would go. Normally when He asks who is doing the run to get whatever, that means He doesn't want to do it.

So I hopped in the car and blasted music. I was already in a bad mood, and for some reason loud music does one of two things. It either ramps me up more, or it acts as a release so I can calm down.

Thankfully this time it allowed me to calm down. Although I think the nice hot bath I took immediately after dinner, and the Mike's Hard Lemonade I drank helped a bit too.

So I'm calm and just kind of here at the moment. But I can't wait for this week to be over.

Boring Wednesday

Last night I went to bed by myself. I hadn't been feeling 100% all day and Master wanted to stay up late to play His new video game. So I wandered off to bed around 11pm. Master says He came to bed around 2am.

This morning was freezing! I didn't want to take my robe off. It was a chore changing into clothes. To bad casual attire at work doesn't include extra comfy and warm robes. *laughs*

Work was busy, as was expected. But I got all of my work done. Although it kept piling up on my desk, so tomorrow will be busy as well.

When I got home from work Master was bundled up in His jeans and a sweatshirt. You know it's cold when He's bundled up. The man who is a walking furnace in a sweatshirt? Yeah, it's fucking cold.

As a result He is allowing me to wear clothes and a robe around the apartment. Normally I am nude when I'm at home, but He doesn't want me catching a cold or anything.

Yes, we do have heat in our apartment, but this place is so damn drafty thanks to the two sliding glass doors (one on each end of the apartment) that it doesn't feel warm in here at all. It happens every winter, and we've gotten used to it.

Master is playing His video game. He seems really into it. We received a DVD in the mail from Netflix and He offered to watch it with me, but I know He really wants to keep cranking away at Mass Effect 2, so I am finding ways to entertain myself on the computer.

One of those ways was starting our taxes. Yeah. I shouldn't have done that. We are missing one W-2, from His last job. After that I can go ahead and file. Although unless that other W-2 really swings us the other way, we're going to end up owing this year.

Honestly it'll be the first time in the history of ever that I will owe when filing taxes. It seems that job He quit due to health concerns wasn't taking enough money out in Federal. Once I entered that W-2, the nice fat refund I had calculated went bye-bye and the amount shown was a nice scary shade of red. But I won't know for sure until I get that last W-2. I usually like to wait until about the second week of February to file anyway, just in case there is another form I have to add to it that I had forgotten about.

I had two jobs, Master had two jobs, plus some other bullshit.

Hopefully in 2010, when I file taxes, I'll just have one W-2. I'm coming up on a year at my current job. It'll be a year in March. I really like my job and really the only thing that will probably make me leave that job is due to not having a way out there. It's further away from home than any other job I've had. But to me it's worth it since I actually don't mind the job, and I think I'm pretty damn good at it.

Being The Go To Person

Okay, the family drama is still going on, and I'll get to that in a moment.

Work today was okay. I was tired all day long. I felt like I was going to nod off at my desk a few times. But I got my work done. The rest of this week, work wise, is going to be busy, busy, busy. The replacement chair my supervisor ordered for me came in today, and was at my desk when I got back from lunch. It is a lot more comfortable and I don't feel like I have to hunch forward all of the time anymore.

Master had been waiting for Mass Effect 2 to come out since He finished the first installment of that game series. That game came out today, and He was at the store to pick it up as soon it opened. The problem was that His Xbox 360 Elite is currently down and we are waiting for the shipping label to be sent to us so we can have it sent in for repairs.

So I suggested to Master that we find a used Xbox 360 to use as a backup system for when this kind of thing happens. We rely on the Xbox 360 quite a bit for entertainment. We both play video games, we watch stream able movies on Netflix, we download movies from the marketplace. All that happy horse shit.

So when it's down, since we don't have cable or anything like that, we have the computer, Magic cards, and checkers. And trust me, we've done it before, three weeks of just that makes you crazy. Especially when you both want to use the computer at the same time.

So I called a few places and found a used Xbox 360 for $140. I called Master's cell phone and told Him. He said He was on His way. He picked one up and got it home. He set it up and the damn thing didn't work. Thankfully, it automatically comes with a 90 day warranty, and so Master immediately took it back to the store and got a different one. He even bitched them out because this particular store has screwed us in the past, and it is a store that we use as a last resort these days.

This one thankfully works. Now we have a backup system for when the main one is down. Yay! Master is extremely happy at the moment and when I got home from work I got a lot of hugs and kisses as a thank you for finding a way to swing that into our budget. Gotta keep the man happy ya know. ;-)

Okay. So on to the family drama.

My mom called me not 20 minutes before I started this blog post. Apparently my brother and his ex are going rounds on this, that and the other thing. Which is only natural with such a sudden break up.

Bro has never been through what I call an "adult break up". He's done the teenage breakups before, but those are so much easier.

"Here are your CDs back. Give me back my jacket." = done deal in teenage break ups.

Adult breakups include lease agreements, car arrangements, past debt, current bills, children (in this case between my brother and his ex), the list continues.

They have only been officially over for less than four days. So it's a lot of drama right now and a lot of back and forth. She is still trying to treat him like he's at her beck and call and he's starting to put his foot down about it. She's not liking that too much.

So since Bro is staying at Mom's house she is of course privy to all of the little bits of information and whenever Bro and his ex have a fight or talk he tells my mom, because aside from Master and myself he doesn't have many other people to talk to.

So as soon as Bro is out of the room, she calls me and tells me I should have a pep talk with him. So this time, I told Mom no. I told her that he needs to figure this stuff out on his own. If he wants to call me and ask for advice, that's one thing. But I'm not going to call him and start telling him how he should handle things. His ex has been dictating his life for over 6 years now. It's time for him to figure out how to handle his own shit, granted with some guidance if he wants it, but still.

My main point to Bro has been, and will continue to be, that he needs to get a job. This will make his situation more bearable and he'll be able to contribute to his children's care. I offered to help him create a resume. I'm good at making them, in my own humble opinion.

Sometimes when family stuff goes down I feel like the only one who is able to cut through the shit and go "A to B to C. Done." My mom has an anxiety disorder, so she freaks out rather easily unless it's medically related. But if it deals with emotions she has to have a while to sort through it all before she can think about it clearly, even if she isn't directly involved. So she calls me for advice.

For my brother, he is quick to get pissed off and not think clearly, or revert to what is "normal" for him.

My dad? My dad prefers to be a friend than a father figure. Bro and I can joke around with him and what not, but when a conversation turns serious he clams up.

No wonder Master thought I was adopted when He first met my family.

Uncomfortable

On Saturday night when my brother was here, we were all sitting around (Master, myself, Bro, and SS) and Bro suddenly said something along the lines of "I know things about my sister that no one else does."

I honestly don't remember exactly what he said, or how we got onto this particular subject. But anyway, Master kind of challenged Bro about it. So my brother started off with stories from when him and I were kids and Master already knew most of those.

And Master knew the next one as well..

Bro brought up the guy I lost my virginity to. And I sat there and let him talk about it.

Now where as you know (normally) that there are people that your spouse has had others before you, most people (Master and I included) don't like to hear about it.

Master was uncomfortable, but didn't say anything. And I didn't stop my brother from talking about it.

Master found it disrespectful. And I completely understand where He is coming from on that one. I mean I get uncomfortable just hearing stories about His exes.

We are highly territorial of one another. And it seems that those feelings reach into the past, before we knew one another. Then again I have to remind myself sometimes that there was a time before Master.

I don't think about my past if I can help it. Growing up memories, like with my family members? Sure. But relationship wise? No. I do my best to ban such thoughts from my mind. And thankfully it works, that is until someone else brings it up.

I think that may be part of the reason why I don't have any of my old friends still around. They remind me of things that I don't want to remember, think about, or talk about.

I greatly enjoy talking about our relationship's past, meaning Master's and mine. But beyond that? I don't want to think about it. Thankfully it is a bit easier for me since I have been with Master since I was 20. I'm almost 27 now, and the rest of my life will involve Him, since He is my Husband and my mate.

I should have told Bro to stop talking about it. It was disrespectful for us to talk about it in front of my Husband. And it made me uncomfortable to talk about it, end of story.

For not ending the conversation, I apologize to my Husband.

I know it would upset me deeply to hear such things. In fact sometimes when His friends talk about His exes, I feel sick to my stomach.

I wasn't thinking when I didn't cut Bro off.

It's just been so long that I've been in that sort of situation, due to not having many of those people around anymore, that I was in a bit of shock when it was first brought up.

Master, You are the only one who matters. You are my true mate and love. If a conversation ever starts to touch on such subject matter again, I will cut it off so that it does not go any father than the first few words out of said person's mouth. I know that You do that for me, as well as for Yourself, when Your friends do it. I will do the same.