Pout

I had asked Master what I should blog about tonight. He simply told me, "No work." Okay.. so I can't blog about work. I asked for Him to please be more specific. He said no, that's all He has. I did my pout lip and sad puppy eyes, even though it never works. He laughed and told me to knock it off. We both know it never, ever works. And I never really use it in order to get my way or anything along those lines.

It's more of just a pout in order to be cute and/or funny. Which is exactly the reason why He laughed.

I've never been one for actual pouting or using that kind of stuff to sway Him. He knows I would be up to something and He'd be more than annoyed by it.

If I want something I have to ask. If I try anything else it just seems... I don't know. Like I'm trying to trick Him. And I don't want to do that.

I remember when we were first dating/living together... I would come up behind Him while He was on the computer and wrap my arms around Him and rest my chin on His shoulder. I was just being cuddly and affectionate. But He would ask what I wanted.

I would get mad and hurt. Every other girl He's been in a relationship with would do that kind of shit to get something they wanted. You know, using affection as a barganing chip basically.

That's why it would hurt. I don't do that kind of thing. Never have. Never will. But we were freshly living together. When we were living apart and I did something like that He didn't react that way. After all, we only got to see each other twice a week, if that, so we were both hanging all over each other when He would come down.

But after I moved in with Him and saw Him every day I guess His viewpoint on such changed for a short period of time. It honestly didn't take long for Him to realize that I wasn't lying, I was in fact not doing it for anything other than to be affectionate with Him.

I would say it took about a month. But I had to get use to things too. Sometimes He would do something similar and I would wonder why, simply because of past relationships. And that would hurt Him too. I'm glad we both got past it rather quickly.

We have both had some pretty fucked up relationships before we met one another. It makes me realize how lucky we are to have found each other. We don't have to worry about those kind of games. We are both straight up with one another and that's how it should be. You shouldn't have to play games in a relationship.

Not This Time

Last night Master and I were fucking and had already discussed having anal sex, so at one point, after a few orgasms, I just reached forward (I was on all fours) and grabbed my vibrator. As a result He leaned over me and grabbed the lube.

At first, I thought it was going to be okay. But it didn't go smoothly from the get go. He was having a difficult time just getting the head of His cock up my ass. Never mind I wasn't tense. I was actually relaxed and looking forward to it. One He did get in, it hurt. It was a really sharp pain. He backed off and I played with my clit a bit more and breathed in and out slowly, trying to get my body to match my mind. I wanted it. I really did.

We tried again and again we had to stop. My body wasn't going to play along apparently. Master softly said, "I'll go clean up." He didn't sound upset or mad. I was disappointed. I laid on my stomach and waited for Him to come back. I was doing my best to not get frustrated. I wasn't angry. I know that sometimes it's just not going to work. But it figures that the night I'm really in the mood for it my body decides to say, "Yeah.. um.. think again."

When He came back from the bathroom He slipped inside my pussy and we finished. He held me close afterward and I apologized.

He stopped me. He told me that it's okay. He doesn't get upset about it and He understands. He told me what aggravates Him is when I apologize for it over and over again. He's not mad or upset so why apologize? So I stopped.

And I wasn't upset anymore. Disappointed, yes. Not with Master or myself, but just the fact that it didn't go the way I was hoping. Master doesn't even seem disappointed about that. It's not that He doesn't want to. He has an ass fetish, so yeah.. He wants to. But He understands that it won't always work out. I just need to accept that more.

I want to try again soon though. 

Stay In Focus

Today hasn't been as fun filled as the past three days have been. I don't mean that in a bad way at all. The past three days there was a lot of fucking, talking and other things going on. Today has been pretty much just us sitting in the living room. We were supposed to go run a couple of errands today but we both agreed that we didn't really want to go anywhere and that the errands could wait until tomorrow or Tuesday.

So today we have just been taking it easy and being lazy. Like I said, it's not a bad thing. We have reconnected these past three days, in a way that was somewhat overdue. So many things easily take over. Real life gets in the way and takes the forefront because you have to deal with it right then and there.

I mean, we're good. It's not like we needed to work on our marriage or dynamic. I feel that we just needed to reconnect. We needed to touch base on an emotional, mental, and physical level that we just haven't had "time" to do lately.

Which is bullshit. I understand that. We always have time. It's just that we haven't really looked past the day to day bullshit to connect on those deeper levels.

It's weird. I mean we talk constantly, we don't have anything to really work on, and yet when days like those come around it's somewhat of an eye opener.

Yes, you have to deal with the day to day. But that doesn't mean you can't take a moment each day to just focus completely on one another without the other shit seeping in. Easier said than done. And yes, the dynamic is part of that focus. Master and I discussed such yesterday.

And the conversation came about so naturally. It was almost as if we didn't realize that it was something that needed to be said until the words were passing our lips.

One of the points Master brought up is that I need to let Him know my needs more. I have apparently started to slip backwards on that. I'm a lot better at it than I use to be. Hell, if you hold it up to how I use to be it's night and day. But He feels that I need to keep that in mind more and be more vocal about my needs and desires.

One of the points I brought up is that after anal I need aftercare but I know that we both have to get cleaned up immediately after. However, I told Him that I would still like some once we are clean. I don't need a lot. Holding me close or petting my hair. Something like that. I'm not a big after care person. Usually that's all I need.

A good example are the times where I've broken down and cried after sex due to severe sub drop. He will have my lay on my stomach and He'll cover my back with his chest and hold my wrist. To me, that's not a lot to need as far as aftercare goes. I've heard of some pretty elaborate needs for aftercare. So, my needing that kind of strong physical comfort is pretty minor in comparison. But that doesn't mean it isn't important or isn't needed.

Master told me that I should have brought that up a lot sooner and I know this. He wasn't mad or anything. Nothing along those lines. He just pointed out that is the kind of thing that He was talking about when He mentioned that I need to vocalize more to Him. Which is very true. 

Quality

As you may have already noticed, I haven't done a blog post in two days. That's like.. a record or something. I can't remember the last time I went for more than one night without doing a blog post unless I was sick.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that it's been a wonderful three days. And today isn't over yet! Master and I have spent a lot of down time together. It's been a lot of goofing around, a lot of talking, and a lot of fucking. It's not a blur but currently I'm having a little bit of a problem figuring out the exact order of everything. I mean the moments themselves are crystal clear but the order of some of them? Not so much. And I'm not really trying to give a play by play either.

Don't get me wrong, the sex has been incredible each and every time but a play by play of each orgasm isn't really what I'm going for with this post.

We've talked, a lot, like I said.

We've discussed BC quite a bit because we're just trying to figure out what the fuck is going in that man's brain. We never will, because I don't think he even knows. But it doesn't stop us from discussing it at length. Partially because Master and I have both been there where you are not being satisfied on certain levels within a relationship and then we found one another and it's been fucking incredible. Our main point is that he should have been up front with her about those particular desires and then he wouldn't be in this position. I mean they aren't young kids. She was 37 and he was 34 when they started dating. Cut the dancing around bullshit.

That's actually been somewhat amusing.

We've also talked about us. Nothing bad. We don't have anything to work on. We're not in trouble or whatever. It's just talking about different things within our relationship. For instance I talked to Him about cutting back on the amount of times per week I have to blog. It's not that I don't love my blog. It's not that I want to stop posting. I just don't want to post every single night anymore. My posts haven't been of great quality every night. Mainly because it's every night. Not a lot changes inside of 24 hours or less. And there is really nothing going on anymore. I've been blogging for six years and our dynamic is pretty much where it's going to stay. So unless something crosses my mind I don't have a lot to post about except for when we fuck or something interesting happens.

In my eyes, currently, it's more quantity of posts rather than quality of posts. And I feel that if it is less frequent, the quality will go up. It won't feel like a chore and I'll have more time to think of a topic if finding a topic is needed. Master has not made a decision on that yet. He told me last night that I could skip as long as I did a longer post today, which I am. I was thinking like twice a week. And I said that. He hasn't commented on it since that discussion and I've let it be. He knows how I feel about it and He'll let me know.

Another thing He brought up is a story I began writing back before we were even living together. So.. about 8 years ago? Some where around that. I had been writing it and then He would read it when He came to visit me. I don't know why it popped into His head, but it did. I loved writing that story. I don't have it anymore. That was three or four computers ago and back then I didn't back up my data like I do now. So it was lost. But He suggested that I start it up again.

I know I won't be able to get the words the same. I probably won't even totally take it in the same direction, but the base of the story would remain in tact.

And believe it or not I do remember the base of the story. Like I said I loved writing it. I think I was only a few chapters in before that computer crashed. That sucked ass. I even remember the title.

I don't know when I'll start it again. Maybe tonight? No idea. When writing a story like that I really, really have to be in the mood to write. If I'm not and I try to force myself it's frustrating and when I read it over later I absolutely hate what I wrote and delete it all anyway. So it's counter productive.

The past two days I've been trying to look nice for Master. My usual attire is normally jeans and a t-shirt. Master has no problem with that at all, but He also wants to see me dressed up a little bit. Nothing too fancy.

So yesterday I had gone through my clothes and threw a bunch away that I just don't wear anymore. But I also found some clothes that I had honestly never worn. They are clothes that were given to me or I had bought extremely recently.

We had planned on sitting outside for a little while and even though that's all we were doing I thought I would try to look nice. So while He was taking the dog outside I grabbed some clothes, went into the bathroom, and shut the door. I wanted it to be a surprise. That may sound stupid, but I did.

I put on eyeliner and some lip gloss. Then I tossed on a pair of black skinny jeans with small cargo like pockets on the sides. To me skinny jeans do not look good, at all, while wearing sneakers or sandals. So I had also grabbed a pair of heels. The heels I picked out go up past my ankle and they are plain black zip up boots. As a result, they over lapped the skinny jeans so that they were tucked into the boots. I also tossed on a cute black tank top.

Without meaning to I basically ended up looking like a biker bitch. I loved how I looked in that outfit. When I walked into the living room Master was highly surprised and loved how I looked. It turned Him on obviously. How do I know? He would stop groping me, not that I wanted Him to stop. He'd walk behind me and grab my ass, or if I was bent over to pick something up He would walk up and start rubbing my pussy through the jeans. I loved it.

Master is always an openly affectionate guy. But, it was ramped up. And I enjoyed it greatly. The message got across. He wants me dressing like that for Him more often, even when we're just doing nothing at all. He has put that point across before but for one reason or another I always slip back into my non-tight fitting jeans, a t-shirt and sneakers.

I go through bursts where I'll dress to the nines all the time when we leave the house and then I'll go back to comfortable and more tom-boyish clothes. I'm going to do my best not to slip back into that unless we are going to visit family. I have never felt comfortable dressing like that in front of family, and He understands that.

So today when we decided to go to a sit down restaurant for a late lunch/early dinner I asked Him to give me a few minutes. Where as I would normally just toss on a pair of jeans and a shirt and head out the door, I didn't want to do that this time. I didn't put on any make-up but I grabbed a pair of heels and then tossed on that new dress I bought not that long ago. The black one with the little white jolly rogers all over it. Master was again very pleased. And on the way back home, when we were walking from our empty parking lot to the apartment building He lifted up my dress so He could watch my ass as I walked. I laughed and said, "Daddy!"

He chuckled and let the dress fall. When we got inside He stopped me, had me stand in front of Him and He turned me around. I put my arms up and He pulled the dress off me. We ended up in the bedroom in order for me to put the dress away and He pulled me to Him. He was sitting on the bed and He had me stand in front of Him.

He sucked on my tits and rubbed His fingers against my pussy. He then let me go, smacked me on the ass and told me to go into the living room. As He was walking down the hall He commented that wearing jean shorts while having a hard on was uncomfortable. I giggled.

He went to the bathroom and I sprawled out on the couch, naked except for my heels. He came back into the living room, saw me and then told me to go into the bedroom.

He sat on the bed first and I was walking past Him to get onto my side of the bed when He stopped me, grabbed my waist and thew me onto the bed. He covered me with the upper half of His body and molesting my tits some more.

I love being His rag doll.

So yeah... I'm going to do my best to put more effort into how I'm dressing when we're going out and about. *nods* I should have been doing that anyway. I shouldn't have needed that extra attention in order for me to kick start that. But apparently I did. I feel guilty about that honestly.

This also means I need more dresses, skirts, and tight fitting pants. Basically anything more slutty is good.

Evolution

Master and I were trying to think of something to do. We didn't really feel like watching TV and nothing else sounded good either. So, we decided to just turn everything off and sit and talk for a while.

We ended up talking about BC. Yeah, I know. We can't judge him.. etc.. so on... blah blah blah. And we don't. We just don't always understand where the man is coming from and so we sometimes discuss it. Last night was one of those times. Neither of us can wrap our heads around what the hell is going on in that brain of his.

We can't always get what we want. A lot of people don't find their perfect someone. But in this situation, if you aren't happy with your sex life and you're on totally opposite ends of what you find to be a turn on... Well I just don't see how that works in the long run.

I know if didn't in my past relationships. It didn't in Master's past relationships either. When there are problems in the bedroom they follow you down the hall. Call it sexual frustration if you want, but it always bleeds into the rest of the relationship.

And as we were running through the conversation we eventually turned to our own relationship. It's interesting how we mesh on everything. If you take a couple of musical differences and tastes in a couple particular movies... we're right on point. It may sounds too good to be true, but it is. There are a handful of bands I like that He doesn't and it's true the other way around. And there are a handful of movies the same way. Other than that... point for point we match each other across the board.

It's also kind of odd how our kinks kind of range all over the place. It seems that in a lot of dynamics there are very specific things that the couple does and they stick to it. Master and I have dabbled in a lot of things. Some worked, some didn't, and some we just touch base on every now and then. There are also a few things that we did and enjoyed for a while but don't do anymore.

From what I've read, seen, and heard of that is kind of rare. Especially since we continued to dabble over the years, after we figured our dynamic out.

We are both extremely lucky to have found one another. It's a one in a trillion chance and yet here we are. Happily married. Blissfully in love. Very much in lust. Even after ten years. And I don't see it ever changing.

We evolve. Our marriage evolves. Our dynamic evolves. And it all seems very natural. It's not like we set out to change it up or keep it spicy. It just happens. We evolve into whatever it happens to be quite naturally. And it's all at the same time. There have been instances where one of us was more interested in something more than the other, but it always end up agreeing.

We have grown in so many different ways over the past decade. And it hasn't stopped.

Wanna Be

Master and I have this one particular friend, BC. He is the one that got married this past November. He has been friends with Master since high school and I have known him for almost as long as I've known Master. I would say a few months shy of it actually.

And since I met him it has been painfully apparent that he desperately wants to be Master. And by that, I mean he wants to be exactly like my Husband and attempts to live vicariously through Him. From what Master says it has always been that way. It's just that since Master and I got together it's been about different things. BC knows of our dynamic. In fact, Master has allowed him to participate here and there over the years. It hasn't happened in a long time. It ended shortly before he started dating his now wife. We respect their marriage even though we don't like his wife. You don't just have someone over while you're naked or near naked knowing that they have a wife at home that knows nothing about it and isn't in the lifestyle. Neither Master or myself feel comfortable with that. Not at all.

It's actually quite amusing when BC would attempt to give me an order. I mean, I listened. I did what I was told because Master had told me prior to him coming over what was going on and that I was to listen to him. So I behaved myself. But inside my head all I wanted to do was laugh.

Master has a presence to Him. He has looks and tones of voice and just... so many things that prove He is Alpha Dog. And BC... not even a little bit. Nope. Not at all. Which is exactly what makes it laughable.

You ever seen one of those "Mistresses" that think they are bad ass but you know that you could get them on their knees in a heart beat? Those are the ones that I say attempt to "Barbie" someone into submission. It's just laughable. It's when they talk but can't back it up. BC is the male version of that.

And with me, at least, you have to be able to back it up. Master can. BC? Pppfffttt. Yeah right.

The reason why all this popped into my head is because we are friends with him on a social networking site. And every now and then you'll see something that he started following. And wow... just wow... A lot of kink related shit and borderline porno sites with a kink twist.

It's funny because his wife can see this activity to. She obviously hasn't stopped him from doing it. I don't know if she's tried to or not. The other funny part is that I don't think he realizes it. This means his dad, his sister, his in-laws and members of her church can see it. I don't think anyone but Master or myself have noticed, but just the fact that it's possible is funny.

The other amusing part is that his wife has told me, before they were married, that he had tried to talk her into some "kinky" stuff and she told me that she was just not into it at all and wasn't willing to do it to please him. And that's the light stuff. When she said kinky I had asked her what she meant. She was talking about handcuffs and some rope for fucks sake.

And yet Master and I both know that BC wants what we have. He wants the full on power exchange. He wants to be able to say jump and have her ask how high without question.

That's not going to happen, obviously. And as a result, it appears that he is seeking other means to satisfy at least the mental part of it.

We haven't talked to him in quite some time, so we don't really know what all is up with that as all the activity is extremely recent. But... we also haven't told him we can see that activity and that as a result, other people can to. That's on him. Who knows. Maybe Master will eventually.

Still fucking funny though.

Lube Me Up

Master and I had been talking earlier in the day and I had asked Him if He would want to try anal a little later. He looked at me like I had lost my damn mind. He turned to face me, put the palms of His hands together and touched the tips of His fingers to His mustache.

He then proceeded to tell me, in a some what dramatic manner, that if I ever, ever, ever wanted to be fucked in the ass I never, ever had to worry about Him turning me down. He told me to automatically assume that, yes, He does in fact want to shove His cock up my ass. I couldn't help but laugh. It was just the way He went about it. He's a goofball sometimes. I love that about Him.

I know that some people in a similar dynamic, regardless of which end of the chain you're on, may think that He is way too lenient with me when it comes to anal sex. After all, He's the man in charge. I should just give it to Him when He damn well wants it. And you're right... to a point. I want to be able to have anal sex whenever the hell He wants to in whatever position He chooses. But... He is allowing me to do this all at my pace right now. He knows I still need to relax quite a bit for it to go "right". He wants me to enjoy it every bit as much as He does. I just need to get there. And I am starting to. I know we've been together for ten years and we used to have anal sex at least once or twice a month.

And then at one point things went not so great. It hurt. A lot. Nothing was seriously wrong. I didn't need an emergency room or anything like that. But it hurt enough for me to mentally put the brakes on. And from that point I couldn't enjoy it. I would basically... I don't know how to put it. Deal with it? That sounds harsh. I would do it in order to please Him and that was pretty much all I was getting out of it. And because I couldn't mentally relax about it my body tightened up, which of course made it hurt. Not to the point that He had to stop, but enough for me not to enjoy it.

I'm slowly working my way back to it though. I want to get there. I know He does too, although He isn't pressuring me about it at all.

Anyway, back to the story here...

After my shower I put on a nice outfit with full access. Nothing too spectacular. It was a body stocking with the pussy and ass fully available and it was cup-less, so my tits were free as well. I then did something I haven't done in far too long. I put on make-up. Master isn't huge on make-up. He thinks I'm beautiful without it and only wants me to use eyeliner or eyeshadow, lipstick and mascara. No foundation or blush or any of that stuff.

So I put on some metallic silver eyeshadow and a shiny lip gloss. He was very pleased when I walked down the hall and knelt at His feet. We chilled in the living room for a little while before finally retiring to the bedroom. Just because I get dolled up doesn't mean we immediately run to the bedroom and get down to it.

Anyway...

I was laying on the bed and He climbed into bed next to me and started chewing on my neck and rubbing His body against me. I was immediately wet. I love, love, love it when He grinds His body against mine. I think part of it has to do with our size difference. It reminds me how tiny I am next to Him and how He can overpower me.

He molested my tits while I stroked His cock. He knelt up and allowed me to continue stroking Him. He lazily ran His hand down my body until He started gently fingering me. He ate me out until I came and then put me on all fours. He fucked my pussy first. I came over and over again. At one point He had me kneeling up with my back against His chest while He gripped my tits, using them to hold me to Him, and bounced my off of His cock. My face was rested against His and I curled my toes just enough for them to rub against His balls every time He bucked. He loved it. I know He did. Especially since I had the body stocking on. Extra texture. *winks*

He eventually realized that I was getting extremely sensitive. He asked if I wanted to switch. I nodded. I was off in la-la land already. But He wanted a verbal answer. A nod wasn't going to cut it. He asked me again and I managed to whisper out, "Yes Master."

He pulled out and grabbed the lube bottle while I reached for my vibrator. He lubed both of us up and I placed the vibe on my clit. It hurt the first time. He pulled out and helped me reposition myself. Then He just rubbed the head of His cock against my asshole for a little while as I continued to use the vibe on my clit. And then, suddenly, He was inside me. I let out a loud gasp. It didn't hurt it was just a very big surprise.

He immediately apologized and asked me if I wanted Him to pull out. I said no, that it was okay. He put some more lube on the base of His cock while He stayed still and before long as He started to slide His cock in and out of my ass I felt that sudden rush of an orgasm flow through me. After I started to come down from that I was a lot more relaxed. But I knew that because I was sensitive every where, literally, that my body may turn against me half way through. So I asked Master if we could kind of make it a quickie basically.

He had no problem with that. So He told me to start begging. And I did. I begged for His cum, at length.

"Please Master, shoot Your cum deep into my ass."

"I need it Daddy, please."

And of course many other things. He loves it when I talk dirty. And I did. I stopped for a moment to catch my breath. His words, deep and full of lust, "I didn't tell You to stop begging."

Needless to say I continued and ramped it up more. It wasn't long after that, that I felt His cock pulsing, stretching my asshole even more, as He shot His load into me.

Worst thing about anal sex is that we can't cuddle immediately after. We both have to get washed up immediately. And trust me, after care cuddling is something I would love very much after anal sex. But it is what it is.

He cleaned up first and then I did. I was incredibly shaky. He held my hand and walked me to the bathroom so I wouldn't fall down. I closed the bathroom door and cleaned myself off. I then very slowly walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. I started to apologize for asking for it to be a quickie and He cut me off and said it was okay. That sometimes that's exactly what we both need is a quickie. He told me that it hadn't ruined anything at all and that it is and always will be worth the wait.